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4 months of no contact
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 640070" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>So I did meet him yestarday, at the Dunkin Donuts across from my office. First time we've talked in 4 months. He was waiting outside (I suspect he tried to wait inside and they made him leave). He was excited and immediately told me he hadn't taken a shower because the place he usually goes was closed, but that he had sprayed himself with febreze so he wouldn't smell bad...then he tried to hug me and I said, sorry no hugging of stinky people. I know that sounds awful, but that had to be a boundary for me...I had decided it a while back, hugging him is just so noxious and I feel like I"m being forced to pretend it is nice. He totally stinks and I feel stinked for hours after...so I decided that I would not subject myself to that anymore...and I didn't.</p><p></p><p>I bought him coffee and a sandwich and we sat down. I didn't ask stuff other than pretty polite, sort of how are you, where you hanging out, how are things going, are feeling ok. He mentioned having been depressed about still living outside as the winter rolls around, he mentioned the community of homeless and how they are very tight and watch out for each other, he mentioned a friend trying to stay clean, and said that he (difficult child) was going to help that person get disability and foodstamps, now that he had figured out how to do it for himself. He said this month was the best he had done in stretching out his foodstamps to last all month. He said he was using some. He asked if I could tell him where and when to come watch me in a road race I'm running this Sunday. It was about 1/2 hour. It was OK. </p><p></p><p>I think I am generically blue, so I teetered on the edge of a maw of regret and sadness for the rest of the afternoon, but I worked hard to push it back, and although the work is ongoing, I haven't been swallowed. I probably will message him and give him some ideas about the race, although I find that I get derailed if I am looking for some one at a given location and they aren't there, sooooo I have to figure that out. </p><p></p><p>But...it was a better, less engaged, less highly invested meeting than I usually have with him. I didn't push for plans or solutions or even for change. He didn't ask for anything. I didn't get the nauseating hug. So overall...OK.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 640070, member: 17269"] So I did meet him yestarday, at the Dunkin Donuts across from my office. First time we've talked in 4 months. He was waiting outside (I suspect he tried to wait inside and they made him leave). He was excited and immediately told me he hadn't taken a shower because the place he usually goes was closed, but that he had sprayed himself with febreze so he wouldn't smell bad...then he tried to hug me and I said, sorry no hugging of stinky people. I know that sounds awful, but that had to be a boundary for me...I had decided it a while back, hugging him is just so noxious and I feel like I"m being forced to pretend it is nice. He totally stinks and I feel stinked for hours after...so I decided that I would not subject myself to that anymore...and I didn't. I bought him coffee and a sandwich and we sat down. I didn't ask stuff other than pretty polite, sort of how are you, where you hanging out, how are things going, are feeling ok. He mentioned having been depressed about still living outside as the winter rolls around, he mentioned the community of homeless and how they are very tight and watch out for each other, he mentioned a friend trying to stay clean, and said that he (difficult child) was going to help that person get disability and foodstamps, now that he had figured out how to do it for himself. He said this month was the best he had done in stretching out his foodstamps to last all month. He said he was using some. He asked if I could tell him where and when to come watch me in a road race I'm running this Sunday. It was about 1/2 hour. It was OK. I think I am generically blue, so I teetered on the edge of a maw of regret and sadness for the rest of the afternoon, but I worked hard to push it back, and although the work is ongoing, I haven't been swallowed. I probably will message him and give him some ideas about the race, although I find that I get derailed if I am looking for some one at a given location and they aren't there, sooooo I have to figure that out. But...it was a better, less engaged, less highly invested meeting than I usually have with him. I didn't push for plans or solutions or even for change. He didn't ask for anything. I didn't get the nauseating hug. So overall...OK. Echo [/QUOTE]
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