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43 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 746452" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome! I'm so glad you found us here but sorry you had to. You will find much needed support here. </p><p>My son just turned 37 and is finishing up his parole. He was arrested 2 years ago for assault with a deadly weapon (knife). He was homeless when he was arrested. My son has spent the majority of his adult either in jail or being a homeless drifter.</p><p>I like you have spent lots of money trying to "help" him. My husband and I have gone above and beyond to try and get our son to see that his poor choices are getting him nowhere in life. I have spent years being stuck in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and it has gotten me no where except older with nothing to show. </p><p>I made a decision a long time ago that I was no longer going to allow my son to hold my emotions hostage. I also came to understand that my "helping" was actually doing the opposite. When we continually step in to rescue them we are actually robbing them of the opportunity to struggle. Yes, I said struggle. When they struggle they are forced to figure things out for themselves. In all the years my son has been homeless he has managed. Sure, I've had desperate calls from him telling me he was going to starve to death or freeze to death but I did not cave in. I directed him to get to a shelter.</p><p>Just as [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] said, your son is on SSDI and qualifies for all sorts of help and benefits. Sure, it would be so much easier for HIM to have mom take care of everything but this should not be about what makes it easier for him. </p><p>You need to be taking care of YOU and your ill husband. </p><p>I can only tell you what I do, and that is to not enable my son. Of course I hate to see him live his life the way he does but it's his choice. </p><p>There are too many parents that continue to enable their adult children to the point of burning through their retirement and some have even lost their homes. The thought of an 80 year old woman taking care of a 60 year old adult child is just wrong. I will not be like that. </p><p></p><p>We all have to make decisions that we can live with. I use the past history of my son to predict his future behavior and with that, there is no way I would ever allow him to live in my home. I value my peace and will not give that up.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you are here with us and I hope you will keep posting and reading what others have posted.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you...................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 746452, member: 18516"] Welcome! I'm so glad you found us here but sorry you had to. You will find much needed support here. My son just turned 37 and is finishing up his parole. He was arrested 2 years ago for assault with a deadly weapon (knife). He was homeless when he was arrested. My son has spent the majority of his adult either in jail or being a homeless drifter. I like you have spent lots of money trying to "help" him. My husband and I have gone above and beyond to try and get our son to see that his poor choices are getting him nowhere in life. I have spent years being stuck in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and it has gotten me no where except older with nothing to show. I made a decision a long time ago that I was no longer going to allow my son to hold my emotions hostage. I also came to understand that my "helping" was actually doing the opposite. When we continually step in to rescue them we are actually robbing them of the opportunity to struggle. Yes, I said struggle. When they struggle they are forced to figure things out for themselves. In all the years my son has been homeless he has managed. Sure, I've had desperate calls from him telling me he was going to starve to death or freeze to death but I did not cave in. I directed him to get to a shelter. Just as [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] said, your son is on SSDI and qualifies for all sorts of help and benefits. Sure, it would be so much easier for HIM to have mom take care of everything but this should not be about what makes it easier for him. You need to be taking care of YOU and your ill husband. I can only tell you what I do, and that is to not enable my son. Of course I hate to see him live his life the way he does but it's his choice. There are too many parents that continue to enable their adult children to the point of burning through their retirement and some have even lost their homes. The thought of an 80 year old woman taking care of a 60 year old adult child is just wrong. I will not be like that. We all have to make decisions that we can live with. I use the past history of my son to predict his future behavior and with that, there is no way I would ever allow him to live in my home. I value my peace and will not give that up. I'm glad you are here with us and I hope you will keep posting and reading what others have posted. ((HUGS)) to you................... [/QUOTE]
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