Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
43 year old homeless son
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746463" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My son is 30 and homeless. There are a number of similarities in our stories.</p><p></p><p>Your son and my own have similar lifestyles. They crave the absence of rules, for one. They resist structure and they seek to use the goodwill and caring and generosity of others to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. Their helpers after a time set necessary limits, because our sons do not quit taking and using. They consume kindness. There is not reciprocity. And they do not care about the cost to others. Only to their own comfort and discomfort.</p><p></p><p>You are in no position to sacrifice for your son who like my own son, has become a parasite. I used to think that I did or did not do things for my son, in order to teach him, or in order to motivate him to decide to be or do better. Now I think differently.</p><p></p><p>I am learning to put my own welfare first. I can set limits with my child, who is my only child, because that is what I need to protect myself and my well-being.</p><p></p><p>They are adult men.</p><p></p><p>I am longing for my son. I have traveled to see him 3 times and he has stood me up. The trip takes me 6 or 7 hours and I am devastated when he does not show up. Yesterday I went in the rain. (I am older than you are.) I have begun to feel that he may be using hard drugs.</p><p></p><p>Or else, why would he not want me to see him? This causes me no end of fear and pain.</p><p></p><p>The man who has been my partner put it to me this way, when I described to him my pain. He said this:<em> You would like J to go on a long ocean voyage, isn't that so? </em>(I had told M how I wished my son would be a merchant marine and travel the seas on cargo ships. He is multilingual, loves to travel and gets along with people of different cultures.)</p><p></p><p><em>Think of J on a long voyage and he will be traveling the seas as long as he needs to and when it is enough he will return.</em></p><p></p><p>And with this I felt a little better. Because it is true. These men-children of ours are living their lives in ways they have chosen. They may want to make us and others responsible for some of their basic needs, or bail-outs, but they are no longer children, and they get SSI. They know they are able to work to augment their payments but they choose not to.</p><p></p><p>Why should you put out what you don't have to give? It is wrong to him and most of all, it is wrong for you. There is no reason whatsoever to feel bad or responsible. I still hold myself responsible for how my son is living his life. I tried. And I tried and I tried. And I still believe it was my own wrong choices that caused this. This is stupid and it is wrong.</p><p></p><p>We have no control and we had no control. Both of us, each of us, needs to stop that. And focus on living well. </p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. I hope you stay. Posting on as many threads as possible helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746463, member: 18958"] My son is 30 and homeless. There are a number of similarities in our stories. Your son and my own have similar lifestyles. They crave the absence of rules, for one. They resist structure and they seek to use the goodwill and caring and generosity of others to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. Their helpers after a time set necessary limits, because our sons do not quit taking and using. They consume kindness. There is not reciprocity. And they do not care about the cost to others. Only to their own comfort and discomfort. You are in no position to sacrifice for your son who like my own son, has become a parasite. I used to think that I did or did not do things for my son, in order to teach him, or in order to motivate him to decide to be or do better. Now I think differently. I am learning to put my own welfare first. I can set limits with my child, who is my only child, because that is what I need to protect myself and my well-being. They are adult men. I am longing for my son. I have traveled to see him 3 times and he has stood me up. The trip takes me 6 or 7 hours and I am devastated when he does not show up. Yesterday I went in the rain. (I am older than you are.) I have begun to feel that he may be using hard drugs. Or else, why would he not want me to see him? This causes me no end of fear and pain. The man who has been my partner put it to me this way, when I described to him my pain. He said this:[I] You would like J to go on a long ocean voyage, isn't that so? [/I](I had told M how I wished my son would be a merchant marine and travel the seas on cargo ships. He is multilingual, loves to travel and gets along with people of different cultures.) [I]Think of J on a long voyage and he will be traveling the seas as long as he needs to and when it is enough he will return.[/I] And with this I felt a little better. Because it is true. These men-children of ours are living their lives in ways they have chosen. They may want to make us and others responsible for some of their basic needs, or bail-outs, but they are no longer children, and they get SSI. They know they are able to work to augment their payments but they choose not to. Why should you put out what you don't have to give? It is wrong to him and most of all, it is wrong for you. There is no reason whatsoever to feel bad or responsible. I still hold myself responsible for how my son is living his life. I tried. And I tried and I tried. And I still believe it was my own wrong choices that caused this. This is stupid and it is wrong. We have no control and we had no control. Both of us, each of us, needs to stop that. And focus on living well. I am glad you found us. I hope you stay. Posting on as many threads as possible helps. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
43 year old homeless son
Top