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4YO Daughter diagnosis with ODD - Need advice
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<blockquote data-quote="My3girls&amp;me" data-source="post: 86071" data-attributes="member: 4192"><p>Thank you SRL for the quick response. </p><p></p><p>I will try to answer some of your questions first. Ek was "diagnosed" if you will by a child behavior specialist that comes to her school to see her weekly, starting back in early August. There is a whole behavioral health initiative going on in the public school system where I live. (it is considered innercity)The program is relatively new but has been a lifesaver for us. </p><p></p><p>To answer some of your questions, I do not think she has any developmental issues. She knows her ABCs, letters, numbers, how to write her name and she will sit and write an entire letter to her cousin in WI if I sit with her and tell her how to spell the words. She memorizes parts of movies and has a few of her favorite stories memorized - she also knows the words to full songs. </p><p></p><p>I don't really notice anything unusual about her play patterns, other than she seems to struggle with playing with more than one friend at a time. It seems like if she is playing with "Jenny" one day, she must play with Jenny the next day and only Jenny. Her teacher said she struggles to make transitions - like if Jenny decides she doesn't want to play with EK, she has a complete meltdown, instead of running along to play with another friend like most kids would do - especially at age 4. She seems to have extreme emotions - if she is sad she is really sad, if she is mad she is really mad, etc. </p><p></p><p>One thing I must say is she does seem to struggle with change of any kind. If we set out to go to the grocery store and then to the post office, but something comes up or I decide I have to stop at the bank first, she asks me nine million questions why we are doing something different than I said, why we have to go to the bank and not just the grocery and PO like I said. 6 months ago this would have caused a major meltdown, but she is progressing, I must say. There have been instances where I have sat in the bathroom with her for more than 30 minutes at the mall because she flipped out when I decided to shop before going to the playland rather than the playland and then shop. And I must be clear that it doesn't seem to be the typical 4YO "but I want to go to the playland mommy" it's more like "but you said we would play then shop, not shop then play." She just craves structure and routine so much and I am not only a single mom with alot going on and changes daily and sometimes to the minute, but I have always kind of been a free spirited, go with the flow type of person. I get frustrated that she can't be more laid back and I think she gets frustrated that I don't seem bothered by change in plans or scenery. I have also noticed that she seems to struggle if we are in big crowds or if we have company at our house or there is a visitor in her classroom. </p><p></p><p>One thing I have also wondered about is, she seems to think things are funny. When she is getting in trouble or I am trying to talk to her about something, she immediately puts her hands to her mouth to cover up a smile. If I even start to look like I am getting upset that I am disciplining her and she is smiling, she will burst into uncontrollable tears. She will just go from one extreme to the other. </p><p></p><p>One thing that does bother me is that sometimes when I sit and listen to her play in the other room with her baby dolls or her dollhouse and she is roleplaying, she is mean. She is always being bossy and saying hateful things. I am not going to sit here and pretend like I am a perfect parent, but I do not berate my kids or speak to them in the manner I sometimes hear her speaking and that worries me. It's like it comes from nowhere.</p><p></p><p>TO give you some family background - my father has 5 sisters - all of which have been diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, ranging from severe depression to bipolar disorder. My dad was raised in a tough household and though he was and still is a great father - he was tough. I think I try so hard not to be so tough on my kids like he was, that I can be too lenient. Again - bring on the guilt. I sometimes worry that she is like this because I just don't know how to parent. </p><p></p><p>Her dad (and the father of my other two daughters) simply up and left when I was 6 months pregnant with her. She has seen him maybe three times in her life. She does not even know him and I seriously doubt if he walked up to her on the street that she would know who he is. However, my oldest 2 daughters do remember him and my oldest daughter does miss him. If she asks about him or says something about him EK will just meltdown like she is mourning for him. I don't understand this. Sometimes she will be mad at me and cry for him - but not like I am mad at mom so I want dad (even though she doesn't know really what a dad is) I mean like she is truly hurt. It is hard to explain but I hope I am making sense. </p><p></p><p>I have heard really good things about the book "The Explosive Child". That is the book my daughter's teacher has recommended also. I will have to get ahold of a copy somehow. </p><p></p><p>My daughters are growing up in a loving environment, but we are a single parent household and we endure all the struggles that goes with that. My kids don't have a whole lot. They don't have namebrand clothes and they don't get their hair done like the other little girls, EK of course always has hand-me-downs from her big sisters and to be honest, there have been times we haven't had hot water or heat, but I refuse to allow her to grow up thinking she is beneath others or allow her to slip through the cracks because we are poor. I worry severely about my girls' self esteem and mental health. I want to help us now, not try to fight for their lives when they are 14, 16 and 17. I am sorry if I sound desperate, but I guess I am. Any advice I receive, I assure you will be taken to heart.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for "listening"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="My3girls&me, post: 86071, member: 4192"] Thank you SRL for the quick response. I will try to answer some of your questions first. Ek was "diagnosed" if you will by a child behavior specialist that comes to her school to see her weekly, starting back in early August. There is a whole behavioral health initiative going on in the public school system where I live. (it is considered innercity)The program is relatively new but has been a lifesaver for us. To answer some of your questions, I do not think she has any developmental issues. She knows her ABCs, letters, numbers, how to write her name and she will sit and write an entire letter to her cousin in WI if I sit with her and tell her how to spell the words. She memorizes parts of movies and has a few of her favorite stories memorized - she also knows the words to full songs. I don't really notice anything unusual about her play patterns, other than she seems to struggle with playing with more than one friend at a time. It seems like if she is playing with "Jenny" one day, she must play with Jenny the next day and only Jenny. Her teacher said she struggles to make transitions - like if Jenny decides she doesn't want to play with EK, she has a complete meltdown, instead of running along to play with another friend like most kids would do - especially at age 4. She seems to have extreme emotions - if she is sad she is really sad, if she is mad she is really mad, etc. One thing I must say is she does seem to struggle with change of any kind. If we set out to go to the grocery store and then to the post office, but something comes up or I decide I have to stop at the bank first, she asks me nine million questions why we are doing something different than I said, why we have to go to the bank and not just the grocery and PO like I said. 6 months ago this would have caused a major meltdown, but she is progressing, I must say. There have been instances where I have sat in the bathroom with her for more than 30 minutes at the mall because she flipped out when I decided to shop before going to the playland rather than the playland and then shop. And I must be clear that it doesn't seem to be the typical 4YO "but I want to go to the playland mommy" it's more like "but you said we would play then shop, not shop then play." She just craves structure and routine so much and I am not only a single mom with alot going on and changes daily and sometimes to the minute, but I have always kind of been a free spirited, go with the flow type of person. I get frustrated that she can't be more laid back and I think she gets frustrated that I don't seem bothered by change in plans or scenery. I have also noticed that she seems to struggle if we are in big crowds or if we have company at our house or there is a visitor in her classroom. One thing I have also wondered about is, she seems to think things are funny. When she is getting in trouble or I am trying to talk to her about something, she immediately puts her hands to her mouth to cover up a smile. If I even start to look like I am getting upset that I am disciplining her and she is smiling, she will burst into uncontrollable tears. She will just go from one extreme to the other. One thing that does bother me is that sometimes when I sit and listen to her play in the other room with her baby dolls or her dollhouse and she is roleplaying, she is mean. She is always being bossy and saying hateful things. I am not going to sit here and pretend like I am a perfect parent, but I do not berate my kids or speak to them in the manner I sometimes hear her speaking and that worries me. It's like it comes from nowhere. TO give you some family background - my father has 5 sisters - all of which have been diagnosed with some sort of mental illness, ranging from severe depression to bipolar disorder. My dad was raised in a tough household and though he was and still is a great father - he was tough. I think I try so hard not to be so tough on my kids like he was, that I can be too lenient. Again - bring on the guilt. I sometimes worry that she is like this because I just don't know how to parent. Her dad (and the father of my other two daughters) simply up and left when I was 6 months pregnant with her. She has seen him maybe three times in her life. She does not even know him and I seriously doubt if he walked up to her on the street that she would know who he is. However, my oldest 2 daughters do remember him and my oldest daughter does miss him. If she asks about him or says something about him EK will just meltdown like she is mourning for him. I don't understand this. Sometimes she will be mad at me and cry for him - but not like I am mad at mom so I want dad (even though she doesn't know really what a dad is) I mean like she is truly hurt. It is hard to explain but I hope I am making sense. I have heard really good things about the book "The Explosive Child". That is the book my daughter's teacher has recommended also. I will have to get ahold of a copy somehow. My daughters are growing up in a loving environment, but we are a single parent household and we endure all the struggles that goes with that. My kids don't have a whole lot. They don't have namebrand clothes and they don't get their hair done like the other little girls, EK of course always has hand-me-downs from her big sisters and to be honest, there have been times we haven't had hot water or heat, but I refuse to allow her to grow up thinking she is beneath others or allow her to slip through the cracks because we are poor. I worry severely about my girls' self esteem and mental health. I want to help us now, not try to fight for their lives when they are 14, 16 and 17. I am sorry if I sound desperate, but I guess I am. Any advice I receive, I assure you will be taken to heart. Thanks for "listening" [/QUOTE]
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