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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 334224" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hon, you're not a kid. It was hard for me when I did over a decade ago and when the kid left, we were relieved. Don't get another child thinking it will make this one more comfortable. He would probably do better alone than with another child, who is also likely to have issues. I'm pretty sure it would drain you. And this boy isn't a kid who will attach to a sibling. He may abuse him, worse a her. They may even abuse one another. There is a reason I warn everyone who adopts to adopt an infant. I've adopted six times. The eleven year old was a nightmare from hell and I think our experience, while extreme, is not unusual. </p><p></p><p>I haven't heard many good outcomes about older child adoption. I know there is a great need for families. That's why we adopted R., the eleven year old. We wanted to give a chance to the child least likely to be adopted. He was an older boy who had lived in his last foster home for five years and his foster mother said he was a good kid (haha...he really fooled her as he did us for three years). We are very jaded now and would never ever do it again. Not for all the money in the world. It was the most devastating experience of our lives. A lot of these kids end up in residential treatment centers or jail or abuse us or our animals...I'd be careful of your mother. Yes, I know it sounds awful, but you don't really know what he is all about. You may never know. If he has been in that many foster homes, he certainly does have attachment disorder issues. Adoption workers want to place the kids. I know first hand that they not only don't always tell the truth; they often don't even know the truth.</p><p></p><p>I hope you chose not to adopt another child. in my opinion it would be best for everyone, including your mother and this child just to concentrate on him. If you are bound and determined to do it again, I would NEVER get a girl. To me, that's just asking for trouble. But I wouldn't adopt another child before he has been with you for three years. I think he should see an attachment therapist with you as well. I'm surprised nobody suggested that.</p><p></p><p>I wish you all good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 334224, member: 1550"] Hon, you're not a kid. It was hard for me when I did over a decade ago and when the kid left, we were relieved. Don't get another child thinking it will make this one more comfortable. He would probably do better alone than with another child, who is also likely to have issues. I'm pretty sure it would drain you. And this boy isn't a kid who will attach to a sibling. He may abuse him, worse a her. They may even abuse one another. There is a reason I warn everyone who adopts to adopt an infant. I've adopted six times. The eleven year old was a nightmare from hell and I think our experience, while extreme, is not unusual. I haven't heard many good outcomes about older child adoption. I know there is a great need for families. That's why we adopted R., the eleven year old. We wanted to give a chance to the child least likely to be adopted. He was an older boy who had lived in his last foster home for five years and his foster mother said he was a good kid (haha...he really fooled her as he did us for three years). We are very jaded now and would never ever do it again. Not for all the money in the world. It was the most devastating experience of our lives. A lot of these kids end up in residential treatment centers or jail or abuse us or our animals...I'd be careful of your mother. Yes, I know it sounds awful, but you don't really know what he is all about. You may never know. If he has been in that many foster homes, he certainly does have attachment disorder issues. Adoption workers want to place the kids. I know first hand that they not only don't always tell the truth; they often don't even know the truth. I hope you chose not to adopt another child. in my opinion it would be best for everyone, including your mother and this child just to concentrate on him. If you are bound and determined to do it again, I would NEVER get a girl. To me, that's just asking for trouble. But I wouldn't adopt another child before he has been with you for three years. I think he should see an attachment therapist with you as well. I'm surprised nobody suggested that. I wish you all good luck. [/QUOTE]
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