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64,000 dollar question
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 438112" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks pepperidge and ktllc. As for exposure to alcohol in the womb... that's the great unknown. I have no idea. And I know very little about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). What I can say about J is that he is often remarkably dominating in his behaviour, always has been... He always has to have the last word, hates being told what to do, has remarkable confidence and self-assurance when it comes to knowing what he wants and trying to get it. Any refusal of what he wants leads immediately to shouts of protest and cries of rage... or occasionally pitiful crying. He has to have what he wants! Not having what he wants is (still) a major crisis in his world. </p><p>The technique I use often that has some success is tickling - sounds absurd, perhaps. When he is getting worked up into one of those intense outbursts because I am not giving him what he wants, I tickle him.... the outrage is replaced by fits of giggles and eventually he has forgotten what he wants and his upset over not having it. Whether this is "teaching" him anything about having to let go, accept, tolerate frustration,etc, I don't know... </p><p>Thanks for your tips ktllc. Yes, "getting to yes" is definitely important with these kids. The having a place to relax is an interesting idea.. I will try it but it may not work. J gets SO worked up and intense about his objective, the last thing he wants to hear about or accept in that moment is relaxing or calming down... trying to suggest it just makes him more incensed and "fixed". He has an extraordinariily strong will - seriously the strongest I have ever encountered in any person, adult or child. So it's just not easy from the off...</p><p>As for the societal thing, to be honest I really don't know how much longer we are going to last here. The whole rationale was for J to learn French, that's what it's all about - I'm very attached to the advantages of bilingual/trilingual children (he has Arabic in the mix as well). But I find myself honestly longing for England, for the greater tolerance and humanity (in my humble opinion, no offense to anyone intended <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) we would find there, the more latitude for a different child like J... Or even a return to Morocco. So I think at a certain point I may just stop fighting the stress of living in this very rational, regulated society...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 438112, member: 11227"] Thanks pepperidge and ktllc. As for exposure to alcohol in the womb... that's the great unknown. I have no idea. And I know very little about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). What I can say about J is that he is often remarkably dominating in his behaviour, always has been... He always has to have the last word, hates being told what to do, has remarkable confidence and self-assurance when it comes to knowing what he wants and trying to get it. Any refusal of what he wants leads immediately to shouts of protest and cries of rage... or occasionally pitiful crying. He has to have what he wants! Not having what he wants is (still) a major crisis in his world. The technique I use often that has some success is tickling - sounds absurd, perhaps. When he is getting worked up into one of those intense outbursts because I am not giving him what he wants, I tickle him.... the outrage is replaced by fits of giggles and eventually he has forgotten what he wants and his upset over not having it. Whether this is "teaching" him anything about having to let go, accept, tolerate frustration,etc, I don't know... Thanks for your tips ktllc. Yes, "getting to yes" is definitely important with these kids. The having a place to relax is an interesting idea.. I will try it but it may not work. J gets SO worked up and intense about his objective, the last thing he wants to hear about or accept in that moment is relaxing or calming down... trying to suggest it just makes him more incensed and "fixed". He has an extraordinariily strong will - seriously the strongest I have ever encountered in any person, adult or child. So it's just not easy from the off... As for the societal thing, to be honest I really don't know how much longer we are going to last here. The whole rationale was for J to learn French, that's what it's all about - I'm very attached to the advantages of bilingual/trilingual children (he has Arabic in the mix as well). But I find myself honestly longing for England, for the greater tolerance and humanity (in my humble opinion, no offense to anyone intended :)) we would find there, the more latitude for a different child like J... Or even a return to Morocco. So I think at a certain point I may just stop fighting the stress of living in this very rational, regulated society... [/QUOTE]
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