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8 year old identical twin ...adhd and behavioral rages...getting worse
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 524387" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Sounds like a tricky situation. I turned down placement of twins from the USA who clearly had attachment issues (were burning their barbie dolls, police were being called to foster home, furniture was destroyed, violence and social services said they would not cover counseling that in MY home (flattery did them no good) they would be ok because I knew about kids.....duh, that is not the point. These girls were hurt (they were just five and had been taken into foster care after a drug bust, both with cocaine in their symptoms) and the county they were in (HUGE county including the city of MPLS so it was so strange), well maybe it was THAT social worker, just didn't want to admit it. I heard they had been through several homes years later....very sad. So I really admire you took two on, though your boys didn't have the serious behaviors these girls had thank heaven, and hopefully you are getting them help in time.</p><p></p><p>I would be putting alarms on all windows and doors. My son was escaping when younger and I had no clue because he actually came home before I woke. I then had alarms installed. He was going up to neighbors and assuming everyone wanted to talk to him, he even walked into one person's house.</p><p></p><p>It is great you have that evaluation coming up. Make sure that the psychiatrist you are seeing is familiar with adoption challenges and issues. If insurance will cover a psychiatrist you can then probably look for a university clinic that specializes in international adoption issues???? Might save you some time. They could have developmental delays due to the deprivation they had and far more intensive issues than adhd. Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) (if obvious Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) has been ruled out, have they considered Fetal Alchohol Effect?)</p><p></p><p>By the way, we all know tons of kids from Russia who are doing well too, I am not assuming your boys for sure do have this, just since you hare having problems, trying to consider all the possibilities. (One of my very favorite students ever is the kindest girl...deaf, adopted at age 10 from Russia and she and her family were meant to be. They are all deaf and very high achieving. She is generous and spends her time trying to help other people. I became very close to all of them, BUT here is the big difference, she had been raised as an infant/toddler with her grandma who got very sick. SO those early bonding/trust building years were spent with a devoted caretaker. She was placed in an orphanage/school for the deaf there when she was around 4 and yes was very hurt but that core personality development was set, bless her heart).</p><p></p><p>There really are some therapies out there that can help and we can't possibly know at this time if what is going on is going to improve without trying. I am happy to say that even with all of my son's challenges his attachment has improved greatly, though it is still an issue.....I still get excited when he wants me to sit with him when he gets his blood drawn or asks me to come to the barn so he is safe, even if others are there.... I know he is looking to me for comfort and there was a time he would go to anyone...so ten years later I am still looking for those validating moments. I wont say it is easy, but I do want you to have hope. The key is to make sure that this "counseling" they are in is attachment focused. That it includes YOU and they are learning that you are their everything. </p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Building-Bonds-Attachment-Awakening-Troubled/dp/0765704048" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.co.uk/Building-Bonds-Attachment-Awakening-Troubled/dp/0765704048</a></p><p></p><p>dont know how I got UK link but this book is everywhere and other adoption of older child or toddler books have good ideas in them. They give good guidelines for finding and rejecting therapists who are well meaning but can do damage because they really may not be trained to work with adoption and attachment.</p><p></p><p>Here is a link to this authors site (he is in Ohio, I am not but there are others out there too...)</p><p><a href="http://www.danielhughes.org/Dan%20Hughes%20Web%20Pages/aboutdanhughes.html" target="_blank">http://www.danielhughes.org/Dan Hughes Web Pages/aboutdanhughes.html</a></p><p></p><p></p><p>My best to you....hope you can get alarms put on the windows/doors...</p><p></p><p>PS, even if it is not true...you might tell them that the alarms are directly linked to the police so if they set them off the police will come right away. That worked for years for my son. Every year is a year of easier parenting...sigh.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 524387, member: 12886"] Sounds like a tricky situation. I turned down placement of twins from the USA who clearly had attachment issues (were burning their barbie dolls, police were being called to foster home, furniture was destroyed, violence and social services said they would not cover counseling that in MY home (flattery did them no good) they would be ok because I knew about kids.....duh, that is not the point. These girls were hurt (they were just five and had been taken into foster care after a drug bust, both with cocaine in their symptoms) and the county they were in (HUGE county including the city of MPLS so it was so strange), well maybe it was THAT social worker, just didn't want to admit it. I heard they had been through several homes years later....very sad. So I really admire you took two on, though your boys didn't have the serious behaviors these girls had thank heaven, and hopefully you are getting them help in time. I would be putting alarms on all windows and doors. My son was escaping when younger and I had no clue because he actually came home before I woke. I then had alarms installed. He was going up to neighbors and assuming everyone wanted to talk to him, he even walked into one person's house. It is great you have that evaluation coming up. Make sure that the psychiatrist you are seeing is familiar with adoption challenges and issues. If insurance will cover a psychiatrist you can then probably look for a university clinic that specializes in international adoption issues???? Might save you some time. They could have developmental delays due to the deprivation they had and far more intensive issues than adhd. Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) (if obvious Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) has been ruled out, have they considered Fetal Alchohol Effect?) By the way, we all know tons of kids from Russia who are doing well too, I am not assuming your boys for sure do have this, just since you hare having problems, trying to consider all the possibilities. (One of my very favorite students ever is the kindest girl...deaf, adopted at age 10 from Russia and she and her family were meant to be. They are all deaf and very high achieving. She is generous and spends her time trying to help other people. I became very close to all of them, BUT here is the big difference, she had been raised as an infant/toddler with her grandma who got very sick. SO those early bonding/trust building years were spent with a devoted caretaker. She was placed in an orphanage/school for the deaf there when she was around 4 and yes was very hurt but that core personality development was set, bless her heart). There really are some therapies out there that can help and we can't possibly know at this time if what is going on is going to improve without trying. I am happy to say that even with all of my son's challenges his attachment has improved greatly, though it is still an issue.....I still get excited when he wants me to sit with him when he gets his blood drawn or asks me to come to the barn so he is safe, even if others are there.... I know he is looking to me for comfort and there was a time he would go to anyone...so ten years later I am still looking for those validating moments. I wont say it is easy, but I do want you to have hope. The key is to make sure that this "counseling" they are in is attachment focused. That it includes YOU and they are learning that you are their everything. [URL]http://www.amazon.co.uk/Building-Bonds-Attachment-Awakening-Troubled/dp/0765704048[/URL] dont know how I got UK link but this book is everywhere and other adoption of older child or toddler books have good ideas in them. They give good guidelines for finding and rejecting therapists who are well meaning but can do damage because they really may not be trained to work with adoption and attachment. Here is a link to this authors site (he is in Ohio, I am not but there are others out there too...) [URL]http://www.danielhughes.org/Dan%20Hughes%20Web%20Pages/aboutdanhughes.html[/URL] My best to you....hope you can get alarms put on the windows/doors... PS, even if it is not true...you might tell them that the alarms are directly linked to the police so if they set them off the police will come right away. That worked for years for my son. Every year is a year of easier parenting...sigh. [/QUOTE]
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8 year old identical twin ...adhd and behavioral rages...getting worse
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