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A Cautionary Tale
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 496170" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I agree, Witz. I read your thread on PE before but didn't respond- I'm not feeling overly welcome in some areas these days. But that's beside the point. I whole-heartedly KNOW my own family tried to undermine my efforts with my son and encourage, if not down-right cause- parental alienation. My son's father has never cared to even lay eyes on him once, much less be a part of his life or help take care of him. But I have never referred to him to my son as a horrible person, sperm donor, etc.</p><p></p><p>I know our situations are very different but I completely agree with you that taking the high road and keeping adult conflicts as adult conversations is the way to go. Otherwise, it not only harms the relationship between kids and their parents, not only does it hurt the parents, but it seriously damages the self-identity in the kid as they are growing up.No matter how much a person might despise a bio-parent, they are still a parent of that child and unless they have honestly been unfit, they do have some rights. But more importantly, as I said before, the child knows he/she has half the genes of that person that one might be degrading so it most definitely effects their own personality and ability to trust and have relationships with people to belittle any parent in fornt of or to a child. And for whomever is dumb enough to think it's going to make a child be closer with the one doing the belittling- well I don't know- in the end the kid doesn't think too highly of them or have a good relationship with them either, in any situation I've been familiar with first-hand.</p><p></p><p>After reading some of your posts on PE, including some details about that 1st step-mom tthat he married when your daughter was barely born, I wonder if he planned that all along. What a travesty. It wasn't you- perhaps he just was looking for an egg-donor, whether you were trying to be more or not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 496170, member: 3699"] I agree, Witz. I read your thread on PE before but didn't respond- I'm not feeling overly welcome in some areas these days. But that's beside the point. I whole-heartedly KNOW my own family tried to undermine my efforts with my son and encourage, if not down-right cause- parental alienation. My son's father has never cared to even lay eyes on him once, much less be a part of his life or help take care of him. But I have never referred to him to my son as a horrible person, sperm donor, etc. I know our situations are very different but I completely agree with you that taking the high road and keeping adult conflicts as adult conversations is the way to go. Otherwise, it not only harms the relationship between kids and their parents, not only does it hurt the parents, but it seriously damages the self-identity in the kid as they are growing up.No matter how much a person might despise a bio-parent, they are still a parent of that child and unless they have honestly been unfit, they do have some rights. But more importantly, as I said before, the child knows he/she has half the genes of that person that one might be degrading so it most definitely effects their own personality and ability to trust and have relationships with people to belittle any parent in fornt of or to a child. And for whomever is dumb enough to think it's going to make a child be closer with the one doing the belittling- well I don't know- in the end the kid doesn't think too highly of them or have a good relationship with them either, in any situation I've been familiar with first-hand. After reading some of your posts on PE, including some details about that 1st step-mom tthat he married when your daughter was barely born, I wonder if he planned that all along. What a travesty. It wasn't you- perhaps he just was looking for an egg-donor, whether you were trying to be more or not. [/QUOTE]
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