Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A Disturbing Phone Call
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 756787" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>John,</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to your and your wife. This is a very hard struggle for many of us here on this site. I have two Difficult Child's, one that is 31 and have not spoken to in 8 months. The other living in his car (off and on for 3 yrs) and I continue to try not to enable him. Mental health, drugs, alcohol, PTSD and ADHD issues.</p><p></p><p>I wish there was a quick fix answer that would appease you, but I'm sorry to say there isn't. I've learned that this journey is as much about our dependent children as it is about us. I don't know how long this has been going on for your son but I'm gathering it's been a while. So the obvious truth here is that "you" have to be the change. You and your wife. You've waited long enough for your son to improve, get completely sober from drugs and alcohol, get a steady job, live in a home/apt. as most people would strive and desire to. So, the obvious thing here is to take care of yourself. Do the things like you're doing. See a therapist, read good books (if you can get Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie or Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend), pivot your thoughts from the doom and gloom scenario that continues to play over and over in your head like a film projector stuck in one place. </p><p></p><p>I would also suggest praying not just for your son (if God is in your life) but for yourself. I saw a priest a few times about my issues with sons. He suggested that I pray even half the time for "myself" as I pray for my sons. What a shocker. Of course, he still wants me to pray for my sons but I see that he was trying to get me to pivot and focus on my well-being. Something I had never really done to that point. Even praying for myself felt selfish but in reality I am no "more" important than my sons but I am also no "less" important than them either. I have to value myself and this has been a long journey which I have not fully arrived at yet but am working daily on.</p><p></p><p>Remember you didn't "Cause it, you can't Cure it and your can't Control it." Once we realize that it's not our job to make everything better but rather allow God to do what "He" is fully capable of doing, the burden can be lifted. This is an ongoing process for sure.</p><p></p><p>Try saying this prayer as often as you'd like: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."</p><p></p><p>I will pray for your well-being and your sons.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 756787, member: 23405"] John, My heart goes out to your and your wife. This is a very hard struggle for many of us here on this site. I have two Difficult Child's, one that is 31 and have not spoken to in 8 months. The other living in his car (off and on for 3 yrs) and I continue to try not to enable him. Mental health, drugs, alcohol, PTSD and ADHD issues. I wish there was a quick fix answer that would appease you, but I'm sorry to say there isn't. I've learned that this journey is as much about our dependent children as it is about us. I don't know how long this has been going on for your son but I'm gathering it's been a while. So the obvious truth here is that "you" have to be the change. You and your wife. You've waited long enough for your son to improve, get completely sober from drugs and alcohol, get a steady job, live in a home/apt. as most people would strive and desire to. So, the obvious thing here is to take care of yourself. Do the things like you're doing. See a therapist, read good books (if you can get Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie or Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend), pivot your thoughts from the doom and gloom scenario that continues to play over and over in your head like a film projector stuck in one place. I would also suggest praying not just for your son (if God is in your life) but for yourself. I saw a priest a few times about my issues with sons. He suggested that I pray even half the time for "myself" as I pray for my sons. What a shocker. Of course, he still wants me to pray for my sons but I see that he was trying to get me to pivot and focus on my well-being. Something I had never really done to that point. Even praying for myself felt selfish but in reality I am no "more" important than my sons but I am also no "less" important than them either. I have to value myself and this has been a long journey which I have not fully arrived at yet but am working daily on. Remember you didn't "Cause it, you can't Cure it and your can't Control it." Once we realize that it's not our job to make everything better but rather allow God to do what "He" is fully capable of doing, the burden can be lifted. This is an ongoing process for sure. Try saying this prayer as often as you'd like: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I will pray for your well-being and your sons. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A Disturbing Phone Call
Top