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A feel like a terrible mother but I cant make the contact with my daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 682246" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think the old person is inside dormant. I feared he was no longer there, but then, he reappeared, after years.</p><p></p><p>My son has seemed to be trying for the past 6 months. For most of that time he was living a few hours away (insert happy face here) and he would call me (I did not call.) I set limits which gradually he adhered to.</p><p></p><p>He wanted to come home. I said no. He showed up at my door. I kicked him out. Then, for some reason which I am unsure about, I took the risk and bought a fixer upper property and told him he could live there in a small apartment. But, I said, the right thing is that you help to fix it up.</p><p></p><p>So for 2 weeks he has done exactly that, working hard all day, almost every day. Nobody is more surprised than I am. Appearance-wise he looks bedraggled, scruffy, hoody, etc. But he is more the sweet boy that he was than anytime that I can remember for a decade.</p><p></p><p>To the extent that he is staying here. Trying. Respectful. Washing dishes. Not roaming. Not up all night. There have been the need for corrections but we are not at each others' throats. I feel content he is here. I can barely believe I wrote that.</p><p>I do not think there is any real criterion. I believe you will know it by your own willingness to reach out and to try. I believe that at first, you will not know or trust it. You will be afraid. It will feel like walking a plank or jumping off a ledge. You will fear nothing will be reciprocated or that you may be hurt. There is no way to know when. Because the when is created through hope and faith. In yourself, in them.</p><p>Wow. Do I know how good this feels. But a sabbatical is not a whole life. At some point each of us is capable of changing. Them and us.</p><p>I was there too. At exactly this feeling state, when I ventured out and I changed. And he did too. One day at a time. It has only been a couple of weeks but everyday the difficult and terrible past, seems more distant.</p><p>I must accept that my dreams and wishes for him, may not come true. But I am realizing that those were never realistically mine to have. I am learning how to dream for myself. His dreams are his own business. I am learning to accept that.</p><p></p><p>But I did not let go of expectations. Instead, I made them manifest. I became very clear about my bottom lines and non-negotiable. OK. I did wobble about marijuana.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Walrus with one slight difference: I believe you will see where you were ready because your child and you will have created it in a moment. And then you will know.</p><p></p><p>Nothing is a straight shot. We do not know if even right now we are in the heart of us laying the groundwork for a great leap.</p><p></p><p>Could be.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 682246, member: 18958"] I think the old person is inside dormant. I feared he was no longer there, but then, he reappeared, after years. My son has seemed to be trying for the past 6 months. For most of that time he was living a few hours away (insert happy face here) and he would call me (I did not call.) I set limits which gradually he adhered to. He wanted to come home. I said no. He showed up at my door. I kicked him out. Then, for some reason which I am unsure about, I took the risk and bought a fixer upper property and told him he could live there in a small apartment. But, I said, the right thing is that you help to fix it up. So for 2 weeks he has done exactly that, working hard all day, almost every day. Nobody is more surprised than I am. Appearance-wise he looks bedraggled, scruffy, hoody, etc. But he is more the sweet boy that he was than anytime that I can remember for a decade. To the extent that he is staying here. Trying. Respectful. Washing dishes. Not roaming. Not up all night. There have been the need for corrections but we are not at each others' throats. I feel content he is here. I can barely believe I wrote that. I do not think there is any real criterion. I believe you will know it by your own willingness to reach out and to try. I believe that at first, you will not know or trust it. You will be afraid. It will feel like walking a plank or jumping off a ledge. You will fear nothing will be reciprocated or that you may be hurt. There is no way to know when. Because the when is created through hope and faith. In yourself, in them. Wow. Do I know how good this feels. But a sabbatical is not a whole life. At some point each of us is capable of changing. Them and us. I was there too. At exactly this feeling state, when I ventured out and I changed. And he did too. One day at a time. It has only been a couple of weeks but everyday the difficult and terrible past, seems more distant. I must accept that my dreams and wishes for him, may not come true. But I am realizing that those were never realistically mine to have. I am learning how to dream for myself. His dreams are his own business. I am learning to accept that. But I did not let go of expectations. Instead, I made them manifest. I became very clear about my bottom lines and non-negotiable. OK. I did wobble about marijuana. I agree with Walrus with one slight difference: I believe you will see where you were ready because your child and you will have created it in a moment. And then you will know. Nothing is a straight shot. We do not know if even right now we are in the heart of us laying the groundwork for a great leap. Could be. COPA [/QUOTE]
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A feel like a terrible mother but I cant make the contact with my daughter
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