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Parent Emeritus
A few thoughts on detachment, from the difficult child side of the fence. It's a GOOD THING!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 614098" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>My easy child turned difficult child, scared back to easy child after jail time and almost prison, told me once that there was nothing I could have done to prevent her drug use and self destruct. </p><p></p><p>I didn't have the guilt with her like I did with my son difficult child. He was born a difficult child and started using drugs, alcohol, and acting out at a very early age. It was bragging rights each time he was arrested, sent to jail, etc. One of his sort of friends and another friend stole a parents car, robbed a home and stole a gun. When the police stopped them the sort of friend said, 'I can't take this any more' and aimed under his chin and pulled the trigger. My son only bragged that they were looking for him and couldn't find him (to joy ride with them and rob the home). My son stole so much from me and helped his friends steal from me. </p><p></p><p>There is so much more, we all know the song, it's just sometimes a different tune. But I finally said no more and meant it, even with threats of suicide. I read everything I could find and I spent the year focusing on ME.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Trinity for posting, so many I have talked to are afraid of how they will be treated by friends and family if they detach. I was treated badly at some meetings when I disclosed my son had gone no contact and I wasn't looking for him. Some of my family was outraged, the only support I had was my husband (came into the family after difficult child was an adult so he is not emotionally attached) and my daughter.</p><p></p><p>Learning to detach and let my son live his life and 'reap what he sows' helped me tremendously and he has a job and says he is in rehab. Could be a lie, he can look you right in the eyes and spin elaborate tales, or could be a fresh start for him. Either way it's his choice.</p><p></p><p>My daughter told me a few months ago, she hopes he will get it together to enjoy some of his life. He is almost middle aged and still pretty immature.</p><p></p><p>A close family member is struggling to get their difficult child son to 'launch into life' (28). He still lives at home and they took his truck away 'cause they are making the payments. So what is he getting for Christmas, a new TV for his room, LOL. Bless them!</p><p></p><p>It's hard to step back and not enable and it does appear to be mean from someones eyes not familiar with the situation, but I wished I had learned to detach much sooner than I did.</p><p></p><p>Blessings for us all, and it's great to hear from the difficult child's that made it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 614098, member: 13558"] My easy child turned difficult child, scared back to easy child after jail time and almost prison, told me once that there was nothing I could have done to prevent her drug use and self destruct. I didn't have the guilt with her like I did with my son difficult child. He was born a difficult child and started using drugs, alcohol, and acting out at a very early age. It was bragging rights each time he was arrested, sent to jail, etc. One of his sort of friends and another friend stole a parents car, robbed a home and stole a gun. When the police stopped them the sort of friend said, 'I can't take this any more' and aimed under his chin and pulled the trigger. My son only bragged that they were looking for him and couldn't find him (to joy ride with them and rob the home). My son stole so much from me and helped his friends steal from me. There is so much more, we all know the song, it's just sometimes a different tune. But I finally said no more and meant it, even with threats of suicide. I read everything I could find and I spent the year focusing on ME. Thank you Trinity for posting, so many I have talked to are afraid of how they will be treated by friends and family if they detach. I was treated badly at some meetings when I disclosed my son had gone no contact and I wasn't looking for him. Some of my family was outraged, the only support I had was my husband (came into the family after difficult child was an adult so he is not emotionally attached) and my daughter. Learning to detach and let my son live his life and 'reap what he sows' helped me tremendously and he has a job and says he is in rehab. Could be a lie, he can look you right in the eyes and spin elaborate tales, or could be a fresh start for him. Either way it's his choice. My daughter told me a few months ago, she hopes he will get it together to enjoy some of his life. He is almost middle aged and still pretty immature. A close family member is struggling to get their difficult child son to 'launch into life' (28). He still lives at home and they took his truck away 'cause they are making the payments. So what is he getting for Christmas, a new TV for his room, LOL. Bless them! It's hard to step back and not enable and it does appear to be mean from someones eyes not familiar with the situation, but I wished I had learned to detach much sooner than I did. Blessings for us all, and it's great to hear from the difficult child's that made it! [/QUOTE]
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A few thoughts on detachment, from the difficult child side of the fence. It's a GOOD THING!
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