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Parent Emeritus
A few thoughts on severing ties...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 593781" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Witz, thank you for taking the time to express your feelings to us, I appreciate it. There are so many stories here and so many hard choices we all make, I think the best possible solution would be one which gives you peace, regardless of what it is, if it offers you peace, then it is the right decision. I can't imagine for one second that this process has been easy on you; going through my own experience of letting go has been a torment unknown to me before. I can look a little down the road and my story may mirror yours at some point, I don't know yet, but as each day passes, I am further and further away from my daughter because of the choices she makes and my attachment to my own sanity and health.</p><p></p><p>I did learn something from your posts too..............sometimes we just need to express, we don't need to have another offer suggestions or opinions............I think I've been guilty of that, jumping in to help when that is not what's been required or perhaps even desired. For me that's part of my own enabling stuff, the thing that got me tied up in this pickle in the first place.............ugh. Your previous post made me more aware of that and hopefully I can make a distinction between offering help when asked and simply listening and being there..........those lines get somewhat blurred for me at times.</p><p></p><p>One thing that made a huge difference for me, just last week, was seeing my connection with my daughter just in terms of energy, so much energy going to her from me, no energy at all coming back from her ...................no balance, no giving and receiving, just one person continually giving. It took all the emotions out of it, it just is what it is, a more pragmatic approach which helped to lift me out of the sorrowful quagmire. Sometimes there really is absolutely nothing we can do but to get ourselves out. </p><p></p><p>In any case, severing ties with our kids, however it goes down, their choice or ours, is just devastating and hurts like the dickens, but like you are feeling, there is some liberation and peace once a decision has been made. You've obviously put a great deal of thought into your choices and I'm very glad it's worked out well for you and you've arrived at acceptance and peace of mind. Your particular journey will help to support other parents who are facing similar issues...............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 593781, member: 13542"] Witz, thank you for taking the time to express your feelings to us, I appreciate it. There are so many stories here and so many hard choices we all make, I think the best possible solution would be one which gives you peace, regardless of what it is, if it offers you peace, then it is the right decision. I can't imagine for one second that this process has been easy on you; going through my own experience of letting go has been a torment unknown to me before. I can look a little down the road and my story may mirror yours at some point, I don't know yet, but as each day passes, I am further and further away from my daughter because of the choices she makes and my attachment to my own sanity and health. I did learn something from your posts too..............sometimes we just need to express, we don't need to have another offer suggestions or opinions............I think I've been guilty of that, jumping in to help when that is not what's been required or perhaps even desired. For me that's part of my own enabling stuff, the thing that got me tied up in this pickle in the first place.............ugh. Your previous post made me more aware of that and hopefully I can make a distinction between offering help when asked and simply listening and being there..........those lines get somewhat blurred for me at times. One thing that made a huge difference for me, just last week, was seeing my connection with my daughter just in terms of energy, so much energy going to her from me, no energy at all coming back from her ...................no balance, no giving and receiving, just one person continually giving. It took all the emotions out of it, it just is what it is, a more pragmatic approach which helped to lift me out of the sorrowful quagmire. Sometimes there really is absolutely nothing we can do but to get ourselves out. In any case, severing ties with our kids, however it goes down, their choice or ours, is just devastating and hurts like the dickens, but like you are feeling, there is some liberation and peace once a decision has been made. You've obviously put a great deal of thought into your choices and I'm very glad it's worked out well for you and you've arrived at acceptance and peace of mind. Your particular journey will help to support other parents who are facing similar issues............... [/QUOTE]
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A few thoughts on severing ties...
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