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Parent Emeritus
A First Attempt
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 696012" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>What a beautiful thread this is. So much honesty and raw feelings. So much trust. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this whole story. What a beautiful and raw and painful story and what a beautiful example of what we can do when we don't know what else to do. I love that you were able to ask for what you needed from your husband. This is what healing looks like. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, exactly. We fall into the trap of all or nothing thinking, the same black and white thinking they do. This is not an all or nothing proposition. This is a case of increments, of stepping back, of figuring out how to be a loving observer, to create more distance and space, to give THEM a chance to figure out life on life's terms. We have to learn how to do this, because we have spent years and years and years stepping in and handling things. We have to learn how to be in their lives and not handle their lives, but handle our own lives instead. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love that we are all in this together. Can you see us all, walking on the same path, just at different points on the same path, not "better" points on the path, but just where we find ourselves, right now today. And we can help each other if we can share openly without reservation and without judgment, respecting the other person's position on the path. We can't be ahead of where we are. We are right where we are supposed to be. </p><p></p><p>And we do have to cry...we have to grieve. We have to cycle through the stages of grief and loss over and over again. It is healing for us. The more we try to stave it off, delay it, fight it, the longer it will take for us to recover from the disease of codependency. For that is what we are all afflicted with.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs for you incredible people. You are true Warrior Moms and Dads.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 696012, member: 17542"] What a beautiful thread this is. So much honesty and raw feelings. So much trust. I love this whole story. What a beautiful and raw and painful story and what a beautiful example of what we can do when we don't know what else to do. I love that you were able to ask for what you needed from your husband. This is what healing looks like. Yes, exactly. We fall into the trap of all or nothing thinking, the same black and white thinking they do. This is not an all or nothing proposition. This is a case of increments, of stepping back, of figuring out how to be a loving observer, to create more distance and space, to give THEM a chance to figure out life on life's terms. We have to learn how to do this, because we have spent years and years and years stepping in and handling things. We have to learn how to be in their lives and not handle their lives, but handle our own lives instead. I love that we are all in this together. Can you see us all, walking on the same path, just at different points on the same path, not "better" points on the path, but just where we find ourselves, right now today. And we can help each other if we can share openly without reservation and without judgment, respecting the other person's position on the path. We can't be ahead of where we are. We are right where we are supposed to be. And we do have to cry...we have to grieve. We have to cycle through the stages of grief and loss over and over again. It is healing for us. The more we try to stave it off, delay it, fight it, the longer it will take for us to recover from the disease of codependency. For that is what we are all afflicted with. Warm hugs for you incredible people. You are true Warrior Moms and Dads. [/QUOTE]
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