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Parent Emeritus
A good reality check for me
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 482091"><p>Oh Nancy.... so true this has to be her journey, not yours. (Or yours is a separate journey). Our difficult children are so similar.... there is the substance abuse issue AND there is also their issues around relationships. It sounds like your dtr is dealing with her drug issues and is at least sober...that is big. The other thing she needs to deal with is her issues around men and relationships..... is she seeing a therapist? I think she needs to find someone she can trust and really work on those issues because i suspect her feeligns around men relate to why she uses drugs... and so she probably needs to deal with those to stay sober. </p><p></p><p>However you can't do it for her. All you can do is let her know you support her getting some therapy for her relationshp issues and she has got to do it.</p><p></p><p>I think my difficult child is approaching it from the other end... he knows he has problems with relationships with women and that is a motivating factor for him. I think he wants to deal with those issues because he knows they make him miserable and I think he wants to figure out how to have a good relationship. I am much less sure he is really dealing with his substance abuse issues.... and I think the two issues are very interwined.</p><p></p><p>But it has to be their journey. I think as long as we are more invested than they are they will lie through their teeth to us to get what they want and to keep us at bay. I think one reason my son and I had a good and honest conversation the other day is I made it clear it was his choice, his journey..... and had already told him I wouldn't give him cash so lying or playing the game with me wasn't going to get him anything.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there.... maybe stop snooping for a few days and see how you feel.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 482091"] Oh Nancy.... so true this has to be her journey, not yours. (Or yours is a separate journey). Our difficult children are so similar.... there is the substance abuse issue AND there is also their issues around relationships. It sounds like your dtr is dealing with her drug issues and is at least sober...that is big. The other thing she needs to deal with is her issues around men and relationships..... is she seeing a therapist? I think she needs to find someone she can trust and really work on those issues because i suspect her feeligns around men relate to why she uses drugs... and so she probably needs to deal with those to stay sober. However you can't do it for her. All you can do is let her know you support her getting some therapy for her relationshp issues and she has got to do it. I think my difficult child is approaching it from the other end... he knows he has problems with relationships with women and that is a motivating factor for him. I think he wants to deal with those issues because he knows they make him miserable and I think he wants to figure out how to have a good relationship. I am much less sure he is really dealing with his substance abuse issues.... and I think the two issues are very interwined. But it has to be their journey. I think as long as we are more invested than they are they will lie through their teeth to us to get what they want and to keep us at bay. I think one reason my son and I had a good and honest conversation the other day is I made it clear it was his choice, his journey..... and had already told him I wouldn't give him cash so lying or playing the game with me wasn't going to get him anything. Hang in there.... maybe stop snooping for a few days and see how you feel. TL [/QUOTE]
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A good reality check for me
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