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A husband problem
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 477313" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>How to take the electronics ect away? Hmm. Well, you know your husband's pattern of behavior far better than I ever could. The man has got to sleep sometime, go to the store maybe? All you need is enough time to remove them and lock them up somewhere. I used to remove them if husband while husband was working (when he was) or I'd have him make a run somewhere for me (you may have to wait until it's a long enough list) ect. </p><p></p><p>And yeah, husband always blew a major gasket. I just ignored it and told him when we could afford it, for such and such a reason, then he'd have them back again. Until then, they were gone. The man went whole summers without cable.........once it was 6 months......that one was right after I told mother in law no more loaning money. If that level didn't get his attention? Things he liked to eat and drink most certainly did. I stopped buying them. That alone drove him nuts. husband came from an upper middle class family. He'd never gone without except occasionally in the Army and then he was paid to do so. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately during the time he was spending money like water he was also stealing it from the family to do so. I stopped that by making him direct deposit his checks, the minute they appeared in the acct, I withdrew every penny. It never (I repeat) never left my person, when I slept it was safe tucked under me between the mattresses. I had to resort to withdrawing it all because he'd write counter checks at the bank and they'd go BOUNCE. ugh We paid all bills during that period by money order or cash, which he griped about because you have to pay for the money orders.......and again I told him if he'd stop blowing it and making it disappear, it wouldn't be necessary. Credit cards and bank cards were cut up in front of him. </p><p></p><p>Now I will say, husband could be stubborn too, and he was the king of passive aggressive.......but he'd met his match. (I was raised by the master of passive aggressive and a control freak among other things) Plus, my dear ol grandma taught me well on how to make a man miserable in his own home while having a smile on your face. lol There were times when it got so bad I'd cook a meal he wasn't allowed to eat. (sorry bud, you spent your funds to buy your portion) And I went on strike. Sometimes with housework, sometimes with cooking.......sometimes with little things that he liked me to do for him.</p><p></p><p>And I can do guilt to make any Jewish mother proud. husband used to say so all the time. lol However, for the autistics in this family you've got to lay it on thick or it zips right over their heads.</p><p></p><p>husband's main motivator though was his food and his toys. Same with Travis. </p><p></p><p>I gotta tell you this one cuz it still cracks me up. husband wasn't working. It was before his SS kicked in to help with the unemployment. We were really hurting. He was sitting here gobbling up kraft cheese slices like nothing I've ever seen before...... First thing I did was go generic. When he complained I told him we couldn't afford name brand.......when he started doing it with generic......I started using it to put Betsy in her crate at night and rewarding the dogs with it every chance I got. Every time he turned around he was out of cheese again. He wasn't allowed to shop because I was pinching pennies until they screamed. The look on his face when he figured out (finally) where all his cheese was going was priceless. He got the idea and backed off in a huge way until we could afford the "snacking" thing.......of course I still gave it to the dogs. No one needs that much cheese. omg</p><p></p><p>Hmm. Another time when food was tight.......I made sure to buy the bulk in foods he didn't like to prevent him from eating it to the point where it wouldn't last. He dropped a pant size or two during that one. And he learned to love fried potatoes and onions. lol </p><p></p><p>I dunno. I've had people tell me some of the things I did were cruel and childish and manipulative (you bet!). Maybe they were, heck, they probably were. But in all honesty? I spent the first half of the marriage trying it as someone normally would and I got nowhere. Best I got was he'd tell me what he thought I wanted to hear (plenty of practice with his mom) and do whatever he wanted. Thinking outside the box and getting downright creative was the <strong>only</strong> way to get his attention and keep it. </p><p></p><p>And it wasn't a change that happened overnight either, unfortunately. Thankfully mother in law sided with me......because if she'd kept enabling him we'd have never made it to 28 yrs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 477313, member: 84"] How to take the electronics ect away? Hmm. Well, you know your husband's pattern of behavior far better than I ever could. The man has got to sleep sometime, go to the store maybe? All you need is enough time to remove them and lock them up somewhere. I used to remove them if husband while husband was working (when he was) or I'd have him make a run somewhere for me (you may have to wait until it's a long enough list) ect. And yeah, husband always blew a major gasket. I just ignored it and told him when we could afford it, for such and such a reason, then he'd have them back again. Until then, they were gone. The man went whole summers without cable.........once it was 6 months......that one was right after I told mother in law no more loaning money. If that level didn't get his attention? Things he liked to eat and drink most certainly did. I stopped buying them. That alone drove him nuts. husband came from an upper middle class family. He'd never gone without except occasionally in the Army and then he was paid to do so. Unfortunately during the time he was spending money like water he was also stealing it from the family to do so. I stopped that by making him direct deposit his checks, the minute they appeared in the acct, I withdrew every penny. It never (I repeat) never left my person, when I slept it was safe tucked under me between the mattresses. I had to resort to withdrawing it all because he'd write counter checks at the bank and they'd go BOUNCE. ugh We paid all bills during that period by money order or cash, which he griped about because you have to pay for the money orders.......and again I told him if he'd stop blowing it and making it disappear, it wouldn't be necessary. Credit cards and bank cards were cut up in front of him. Now I will say, husband could be stubborn too, and he was the king of passive aggressive.......but he'd met his match. (I was raised by the master of passive aggressive and a control freak among other things) Plus, my dear ol grandma taught me well on how to make a man miserable in his own home while having a smile on your face. lol There were times when it got so bad I'd cook a meal he wasn't allowed to eat. (sorry bud, you spent your funds to buy your portion) And I went on strike. Sometimes with housework, sometimes with cooking.......sometimes with little things that he liked me to do for him. And I can do guilt to make any Jewish mother proud. husband used to say so all the time. lol However, for the autistics in this family you've got to lay it on thick or it zips right over their heads. husband's main motivator though was his food and his toys. Same with Travis. I gotta tell you this one cuz it still cracks me up. husband wasn't working. It was before his SS kicked in to help with the unemployment. We were really hurting. He was sitting here gobbling up kraft cheese slices like nothing I've ever seen before...... First thing I did was go generic. When he complained I told him we couldn't afford name brand.......when he started doing it with generic......I started using it to put Betsy in her crate at night and rewarding the dogs with it every chance I got. Every time he turned around he was out of cheese again. He wasn't allowed to shop because I was pinching pennies until they screamed. The look on his face when he figured out (finally) where all his cheese was going was priceless. He got the idea and backed off in a huge way until we could afford the "snacking" thing.......of course I still gave it to the dogs. No one needs that much cheese. omg Hmm. Another time when food was tight.......I made sure to buy the bulk in foods he didn't like to prevent him from eating it to the point where it wouldn't last. He dropped a pant size or two during that one. And he learned to love fried potatoes and onions. lol I dunno. I've had people tell me some of the things I did were cruel and childish and manipulative (you bet!). Maybe they were, heck, they probably were. But in all honesty? I spent the first half of the marriage trying it as someone normally would and I got nowhere. Best I got was he'd tell me what he thought I wanted to hear (plenty of practice with his mom) and do whatever he wanted. Thinking outside the box and getting downright creative was the [B]only[/B] way to get his attention and keep it. And it wasn't a change that happened overnight either, unfortunately. Thankfully mother in law sided with me......because if she'd kept enabling him we'd have never made it to 28 yrs. [/QUOTE]
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