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A Letter to My Son
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 105946" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>His choice. Why are you worrying about it?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't beg him to do the right thing. He has to make those type of decisions on his own. He has to see that making those decisions are what will get him out of there and on the right track at home.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Check with the camp first to see if this allowed. Don't offer to do something that you can't follow through on.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's an awful lot in one letter. Maybe just focus on what he feels he can do at this time. Do you think he is being realistic in what he has accomplished and is able to do? Is any of it manipulation just to get out of there? Be honest with him.</p><p></p><p>Maybe simply mention other areas that he needs to work on. Don't give him the lectures on it. He's not going to "hear" them anyway. At least not yet. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't make promises like this. You never know what will show up while he is there. I didnt find out until my daughter's time was almost up about some of the things she had done pre-Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Sadly, it was too late to work on them because there truly were no more funds to keep her there. Simply leave it that you will be showing up to get him when everyone thinks he is ready but not a day before.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't know about you and Justin, but I HATE I told you sos.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No, he doesn't have to trust you. You may want him to trust you but he does not have to. </p><p></p><p>We all make mistakes. We can either forgive the mistakes or live with them forever. However, unless a mistake has caused you to be disabled or given you a life without parole term in prison, mistakes can be forgiven. Don't imply that he will have to live forever with his choices and behaviors of today. Let him know that they can be put in the past, that there is hope.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Not true. For many, it is a camp and then juvie and then jail. For others, it is back to the same old thing but a tad wiser at not getting caught. For the smart ones, it is a change for the better.</p><p></p><p>David, he's going to know the facts. Don't say things unless you can back them up. </p><p></p><p>Be careful of lecturing too much. It is easy to not read a letter. Some things are better left to when you are together, with or without a mediator present. Don't throw everything at him at once. Baby steps.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Great job here!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Drop that last part -- it rates up there with when I was a kid we walked 5 miles in the snow, uphill to school. Kids don't understand, don't want to understand and truly don't care that their lives will change when they have kids. It just has a tendency to negate anything said up to that point cause it proves we adults know nothing.</p><p></p><p>Talk to your CM there. A lot of times they ask parents to write specific letters about issues to be worked on at certain times. Ask them if they want every letter to broach on these topics or save them for family counseling or during visits. We were told to keep the letters on mainly what is happening at home and one issue. Save the rest for other times, but each place/child is different.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 105946, member: 3626"] His choice. Why are you worrying about it? Don't beg him to do the right thing. He has to make those type of decisions on his own. He has to see that making those decisions are what will get him out of there and on the right track at home. Check with the camp first to see if this allowed. Don't offer to do something that you can't follow through on. That's an awful lot in one letter. Maybe just focus on what he feels he can do at this time. Do you think he is being realistic in what he has accomplished and is able to do? Is any of it manipulation just to get out of there? Be honest with him. Maybe simply mention other areas that he needs to work on. Don't give him the lectures on it. He's not going to "hear" them anyway. At least not yet. Don't make promises like this. You never know what will show up while he is there. I didnt find out until my daughter's time was almost up about some of the things she had done pre-Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Sadly, it was too late to work on them because there truly were no more funds to keep her there. Simply leave it that you will be showing up to get him when everyone thinks he is ready but not a day before. Don't know about you and Justin, but I HATE I told you sos. No, he doesn't have to trust you. You may want him to trust you but he does not have to. We all make mistakes. We can either forgive the mistakes or live with them forever. However, unless a mistake has caused you to be disabled or given you a life without parole term in prison, mistakes can be forgiven. Don't imply that he will have to live forever with his choices and behaviors of today. Let him know that they can be put in the past, that there is hope. Not true. For many, it is a camp and then juvie and then jail. For others, it is back to the same old thing but a tad wiser at not getting caught. For the smart ones, it is a change for the better. David, he's going to know the facts. Don't say things unless you can back them up. Be careful of lecturing too much. It is easy to not read a letter. Some things are better left to when you are together, with or without a mediator present. Don't throw everything at him at once. Baby steps. Great job here! Drop that last part -- it rates up there with when I was a kid we walked 5 miles in the snow, uphill to school. Kids don't understand, don't want to understand and truly don't care that their lives will change when they have kids. It just has a tendency to negate anything said up to that point cause it proves we adults know nothing. Talk to your CM there. A lot of times they ask parents to write specific letters about issues to be worked on at certain times. Ask them if they want every letter to broach on these topics or save them for family counseling or during visits. We were told to keep the letters on mainly what is happening at home and one issue. Save the rest for other times, but each place/child is different. [/QUOTE]
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