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A little hope...and some things I wish I did not know
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 739876" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>That’s a really good point, and good advice. It’s not as simple for him as blocking her number, because their social circles are so entwined that’s it’s usually other people calling him on her behalf. He said there is an expectation that he handle it as her big brother, because ‘it’s family, man. She’s your sister.’ This has been a really big wake up call and learning moment for him. I think he is starting to understand why I have had to put my own boundaries in place. I told him he needs to learn to ‘put the oxygen mask on himself first’ - and that I’ve had to learn to do the same. It’s why they can’t live with me, and I can’t give them money when they are making bad choices. I think this was a real lightbulb moment for him. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It makes me so angry when I think about the disadvantages they have started out with in life. I think bio mom was at least trying to remain sober with her pregnancies with C and N. I think by the time S came along she was losing that battle. And then she abandoned them all when S was 18 months, about the worst time possible developmentally. I feel like I’ve spent MY whole adult life trying to clean up her mistakes. And you’re right, there is no curing some of this stuff. They will fight it their whole lives. And it seems like S is losing. Would love to get her into some kind of program with treatment, supports and guardianship. She tells me that’s all BS and she doesn’t need it and she doesn’t want anyone else ‘messing with her brain’ anymore. The more anyone tries to help, the angrier and more non compliant she gets. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks for this. I’m trying to stay cautiously optimistic, with the emphasis on caution. I know there are likely to be more bumps in the road. I’m just grateful he’s coming to a place where he seems to be accepting responsibility and being more self reflective on his choices. We’ve had some really good talks through this. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Perhaps. I hope he will not let himself get sucked back in. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It’s really hard to hear these things, isn’t it? C tried to talk around the issue, too, but it sounds like it very much is <em>like that. </em>She’s prostituting herself for drugs and money. And maybe allowing this man to pimp her out. I want to throw up when I say it. But it’s a truth I have to face. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you. I’m trying. I am spending this weekend deep cleaning the entire house. Cleaning out closets. Boxing things for good will. Throwing stuff out. Filing and organizing and scrubbing top to bottom. It soothes me somehow. Like if I can just put enough order into my life maybe some of it will rub off on them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 739876, member: 23349"] That’s a really good point, and good advice. It’s not as simple for him as blocking her number, because their social circles are so entwined that’s it’s usually other people calling him on her behalf. He said there is an expectation that he handle it as her big brother, because ‘it’s family, man. She’s your sister.’ This has been a really big wake up call and learning moment for him. I think he is starting to understand why I have had to put my own boundaries in place. I told him he needs to learn to ‘put the oxygen mask on himself first’ - and that I’ve had to learn to do the same. It’s why they can’t live with me, and I can’t give them money when they are making bad choices. I think this was a real lightbulb moment for him. It makes me so angry when I think about the disadvantages they have started out with in life. I think bio mom was at least trying to remain sober with her pregnancies with C and N. I think by the time S came along she was losing that battle. And then she abandoned them all when S was 18 months, about the worst time possible developmentally. I feel like I’ve spent MY whole adult life trying to clean up her mistakes. And you’re right, there is no curing some of this stuff. They will fight it their whole lives. And it seems like S is losing. Would love to get her into some kind of program with treatment, supports and guardianship. She tells me that’s all BS and she doesn’t need it and she doesn’t want anyone else ‘messing with her brain’ anymore. The more anyone tries to help, the angrier and more non compliant she gets. Thanks for this. I’m trying to stay cautiously optimistic, with the emphasis on caution. I know there are likely to be more bumps in the road. I’m just grateful he’s coming to a place where he seems to be accepting responsibility and being more self reflective on his choices. We’ve had some really good talks through this. Perhaps. I hope he will not let himself get sucked back in. It’s really hard to hear these things, isn’t it? C tried to talk around the issue, too, but it sounds like it very much is [I]like that. [/I]She’s prostituting herself for drugs and money. And maybe allowing this man to pimp her out. I want to throw up when I say it. But it’s a truth I have to face. Thank you. I’m trying. I am spending this weekend deep cleaning the entire house. Cleaning out closets. Boxing things for good will. Throwing stuff out. Filing and organizing and scrubbing top to bottom. It soothes me somehow. Like if I can just put enough order into my life maybe some of it will rub off on them. [/QUOTE]
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A little hope...and some things I wish I did not know
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