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A long hard week with my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 537709" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Hi RE,</p><p>Wow, what a week! First of all, I hope your granddaughter is feeling better - 4 wisdom teeth extractions are so hard...I've known of people getting 2 out, then healing, then the other 2 out, but never 4 at once! yeesh. I'm sorry she's uncomfortable.</p><p></p><p>Now to your difficult child. What you wrote about having to care for so many mentally ill and needy people who make more "holes in their boat" than you can keep up with, is similar to my life growing up. It's always something or someone, particularly my mentally ill brother (I'm his only sibling) and his issues. Fortunately, he lives in an adult home about 15 mins. from my house now, so I don't have to worry so much about him being homeless, but he never eats the food they provide, he calls me about 5x a day, and when he runs out of cigarettes or money, he gets panicky and doesn't stop harassing me till I drive over there and give him money and cigarettes. He is so ill he is unable to work, and he smokes so much that his health is otherwise impacted from it as well.</p><p></p><p>I thought it was brilliant to give your difficult child the 3 scenarios for which you will accept her calls. If she is able to work and get therapy on her own, then she should do so. The real question is...is she? We kept pressuring my brother to basically live at a higher level than he was capable, and he finally had a complete breakdown, and hasn't worked since (almost 22 years ago). He desperately wants to move in with husband and me, but that is totally out of the question right now...just seeing him for 6 hours once a week is so draining, that the idea of him living with-us makes me itch. I love him, but I cannot do that to my family. So I hear you, loud and clear. What you did this past week is exceptional, but caring for and "saving" a mentally ill person from their poor choices is like changing deck chairs on the Titanic. </p><p></p><p>I get to the same point with my brother, and I swear "no mas!" but I am always guilted out into breaking my own vows. For now, I take it one day at a time. If your difficult child is higher functioning, then I think the boundaries you have set are totally and completely reasonable and you are right to set those boundaries for the preservation of your own sanity. You don't need much in the way of wise advice, because you are the wise one, in my opinion!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 537709, member: 13882"] Hi RE, Wow, what a week! First of all, I hope your granddaughter is feeling better - 4 wisdom teeth extractions are so hard...I've known of people getting 2 out, then healing, then the other 2 out, but never 4 at once! yeesh. I'm sorry she's uncomfortable. Now to your difficult child. What you wrote about having to care for so many mentally ill and needy people who make more "holes in their boat" than you can keep up with, is similar to my life growing up. It's always something or someone, particularly my mentally ill brother (I'm his only sibling) and his issues. Fortunately, he lives in an adult home about 15 mins. from my house now, so I don't have to worry so much about him being homeless, but he never eats the food they provide, he calls me about 5x a day, and when he runs out of cigarettes or money, he gets panicky and doesn't stop harassing me till I drive over there and give him money and cigarettes. He is so ill he is unable to work, and he smokes so much that his health is otherwise impacted from it as well. I thought it was brilliant to give your difficult child the 3 scenarios for which you will accept her calls. If she is able to work and get therapy on her own, then she should do so. The real question is...is she? We kept pressuring my brother to basically live at a higher level than he was capable, and he finally had a complete breakdown, and hasn't worked since (almost 22 years ago). He desperately wants to move in with husband and me, but that is totally out of the question right now...just seeing him for 6 hours once a week is so draining, that the idea of him living with-us makes me itch. I love him, but I cannot do that to my family. So I hear you, loud and clear. What you did this past week is exceptional, but caring for and "saving" a mentally ill person from their poor choices is like changing deck chairs on the Titanic. I get to the same point with my brother, and I swear "no mas!" but I am always guilted out into breaking my own vows. For now, I take it one day at a time. If your difficult child is higher functioning, then I think the boundaries you have set are totally and completely reasonable and you are right to set those boundaries for the preservation of your own sanity. You don't need much in the way of wise advice, because you are the wise one, in my opinion! [/QUOTE]
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