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A Mothers Guilt
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 625098" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You are wrong. A wonderful mother can have a drug addicted child because we can not control our children and as they get older, their peers become more important than us. Also, there are genetics to think about. More than anything else, do you have another child? Is he/she a drug addict? I can only tell you my story and why I do not feel like I was a bad mother even though one of my children was a drug addict.</p><p></p><p>I raised four children. One was a drug addict. One. None of the others took that path. All of my kids were raised the same. All of them had challenges. All of them did not choose drugs.</p><p></p><p>Genetics, personality that is inborn, heredity, and the way one child perceives life as opposed to another is paramount. The fact that you may hve divorced (just guessing) or maybe bio. dad ran off and never came back or you were too lenient or too tough or his sibling was favored (in his mind) or he had an Learning Disability (LD)...none of that matters. Half the kids in this country suffer divorce. Many are sexually abused. Very sadly, three of mine were, yet only one used drugs and she is doing well now. The others got a lot of help and were/are well adjusted young people who obey the law and have bright futures and my drug using daughter chose a good life in the end too. My one bio. child who had it all....brains, looks, adoration in the family....he is my biggest problem with a negative personality. Why? I think heredity. Many people in our family tree suffer from depression and sour personalities and I do believe he inherited his negativity. \\</p><p></p><p>None of my children are related genetically. 36 is my bio. kid and the rest are adopted and have seperate DNA. Again, they were all raised the same yet they all turned out differently. One used drugs and quit. One is a huge mental health mess (biological son). The kids, other than 36, are really good kids. So am I bad mother or a good mother?</p><p></p><p>Many factors enter into why our children choose drugs. Addiction or a predisposition to addiction is very much inherited. Not everyone who experiments with drugs becomes addicted. Some are more prone. Not all kids who live through divorce (the millions of them) decide to bum out on life, use drugs, do illegal things, and abuse us and blame us for their troubles.</p><p></p><p>Your guilt is unhelpful to your child and probably not even true. At any rate, how does it help you or your child? It doesn't. Your child is an adult now and he makes his own decisions and choices.</p><p></p><p>Did you ever read "A Child Called It?" by David Pelzer. If not, you should. It is a story about the more horrificly abused child you ever heard of yet he turned out to be a fine young man who does all he can to help others.</p><p>His mother WAS awful. She almost killed him many times. Yet he is a good man. No drugs. No jail. How so?</p><p></p><p>Guilt is a useless emotion. I suggest you maybe go to an Al-Anon meeting or find a private therapist who can help you work on your own life and realize that your guilt is pointless and crippling. You are a good mom or you wouldn't care about your child, just as Dave Pelzer's mother did not care a wit about her child, and you would not be here trying to sort out your feelings and figure out what to do next.</p><p></p><p>Only good, caring, loving parents post here. Now it's time for you, in my opinion, to focus on yourself and drop the "what ifs." Many of us have raised more than one child and most do well and one doesn't. There are not real answers. It is useless to guess. I hope you learn to enjoy your own life and realize your son is making poor choices and sacrificing your life to angst over him helps nobody, especially your son. It is normal to be angry at a disrespectful, drug using adult child just as that same child would be angry at you if you came home spitting hate at her and staggering from alcohol or drugs. It would be hard to feel warm and fuzzy, don't you think?</p><p></p><p>You did your best. We all did. Your child is NOT trying to do his best and that is on his shoulders, not yours. Please think about it and try to find peace and serenity tonight, at least for a little while.</p><p></p><p>We care and are paying attention to your hurting mommy heart. We understand it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 625098, member: 1550"] You are wrong. A wonderful mother can have a drug addicted child because we can not control our children and as they get older, their peers become more important than us. Also, there are genetics to think about. More than anything else, do you have another child? Is he/she a drug addict? I can only tell you my story and why I do not feel like I was a bad mother even though one of my children was a drug addict. I raised four children. One was a drug addict. One. None of the others took that path. All of my kids were raised the same. All of them had challenges. All of them did not choose drugs. Genetics, personality that is inborn, heredity, and the way one child perceives life as opposed to another is paramount. The fact that you may hve divorced (just guessing) or maybe bio. dad ran off and never came back or you were too lenient or too tough or his sibling was favored (in his mind) or he had an Learning Disability (LD)...none of that matters. Half the kids in this country suffer divorce. Many are sexually abused. Very sadly, three of mine were, yet only one used drugs and she is doing well now. The others got a lot of help and were/are well adjusted young people who obey the law and have bright futures and my drug using daughter chose a good life in the end too. My one bio. child who had it all....brains, looks, adoration in the family....he is my biggest problem with a negative personality. Why? I think heredity. Many people in our family tree suffer from depression and sour personalities and I do believe he inherited his negativity. \\ None of my children are related genetically. 36 is my bio. kid and the rest are adopted and have seperate DNA. Again, they were all raised the same yet they all turned out differently. One used drugs and quit. One is a huge mental health mess (biological son). The kids, other than 36, are really good kids. So am I bad mother or a good mother? Many factors enter into why our children choose drugs. Addiction or a predisposition to addiction is very much inherited. Not everyone who experiments with drugs becomes addicted. Some are more prone. Not all kids who live through divorce (the millions of them) decide to bum out on life, use drugs, do illegal things, and abuse us and blame us for their troubles. Your guilt is unhelpful to your child and probably not even true. At any rate, how does it help you or your child? It doesn't. Your child is an adult now and he makes his own decisions and choices. Did you ever read "A Child Called It?" by David Pelzer. If not, you should. It is a story about the more horrificly abused child you ever heard of yet he turned out to be a fine young man who does all he can to help others. His mother WAS awful. She almost killed him many times. Yet he is a good man. No drugs. No jail. How so? Guilt is a useless emotion. I suggest you maybe go to an Al-Anon meeting or find a private therapist who can help you work on your own life and realize that your guilt is pointless and crippling. You are a good mom or you wouldn't care about your child, just as Dave Pelzer's mother did not care a wit about her child, and you would not be here trying to sort out your feelings and figure out what to do next. Only good, caring, loving parents post here. Now it's time for you, in my opinion, to focus on yourself and drop the "what ifs." Many of us have raised more than one child and most do well and one doesn't. There are not real answers. It is useless to guess. I hope you learn to enjoy your own life and realize your son is making poor choices and sacrificing your life to angst over him helps nobody, especially your son. It is normal to be angry at a disrespectful, drug using adult child just as that same child would be angry at you if you came home spitting hate at her and staggering from alcohol or drugs. It would be hard to feel warm and fuzzy, don't you think? You did your best. We all did. Your child is NOT trying to do his best and that is on his shoulders, not yours. Please think about it and try to find peace and serenity tonight, at least for a little while. We care and are paying attention to your hurting mommy heart. We understand it. [/QUOTE]
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