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A Mothers Guilt
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 625225" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Interesting thread. I have been thinking about this a lot today too.</p><p></p><p>For me I think mothers guilt is partly rooted in the idea that our children are a reflection of us... of who we are, what we are like as people. I realized when my son was small, and his behavior was already kind of out there... that he was not really a reflection of me... he was his own person and in many ways not like me and did not always follow my guidance or direction but followed his own thinking... even as a young child this was true.</p><p></p><p>It was even more true as he grew older. </p><p></p><p>Yet the messages we get from society is that how are kids are is due to our parenting... and if they are screwed up then we must be screwed up. The kid are a reflection of who we are, what we believe, and what we are like as people.</p><p></p><p>I have had to continue to remind myself that this in fact is NOT true. My daughter, who is very much a easy child is her own person. In some ways she is like me, in many ways she is not. She is her own person and I cant really take total credit for that either because she is who she is in her own right.</p><p></p><p>And my son and all his bad choices are not a reflection of me either. He is who he is and he is where he is because of his own choices. They were not my choices, and in fact many times he totally disregarded my advice and guidance. I cant do anything about that.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I go to the woulda coulda shouldas.... and it gets m nowhere. Sure I have made mistakes but really I cant do anything about the past, all I can do is figure out how to do things now and in the future. When I go to that place I just have to stop myself because it is pointless.</p><p></p><p>I am sure many of us have known people where we did not like their parents.... in that case are those people a reflection of their parents. No. People grow up and develop and they may or may not be like their parents, may or may not take their guidance and in many cases they turn out to be great people in spite of their parents.</p><p></p><p>I think ultimately it is about accepting that we dont have that much control over how our kids turn out.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 625225, member: 15801"] Interesting thread. I have been thinking about this a lot today too. For me I think mothers guilt is partly rooted in the idea that our children are a reflection of us... of who we are, what we are like as people. I realized when my son was small, and his behavior was already kind of out there... that he was not really a reflection of me... he was his own person and in many ways not like me and did not always follow my guidance or direction but followed his own thinking... even as a young child this was true. It was even more true as he grew older. Yet the messages we get from society is that how are kids are is due to our parenting... and if they are screwed up then we must be screwed up. The kid are a reflection of who we are, what we believe, and what we are like as people. I have had to continue to remind myself that this in fact is NOT true. My daughter, who is very much a easy child is her own person. In some ways she is like me, in many ways she is not. She is her own person and I cant really take total credit for that either because she is who she is in her own right. And my son and all his bad choices are not a reflection of me either. He is who he is and he is where he is because of his own choices. They were not my choices, and in fact many times he totally disregarded my advice and guidance. I cant do anything about that. Sometimes I go to the woulda coulda shouldas.... and it gets m nowhere. Sure I have made mistakes but really I cant do anything about the past, all I can do is figure out how to do things now and in the future. When I go to that place I just have to stop myself because it is pointless. I am sure many of us have known people where we did not like their parents.... in that case are those people a reflection of their parents. No. People grow up and develop and they may or may not be like their parents, may or may not take their guidance and in many cases they turn out to be great people in spite of their parents. I think ultimately it is about accepting that we dont have that much control over how our kids turn out. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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