Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
A new comer desperate for advise
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 214832" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Wow.</p><p>Well, first off, your girlfriend isn't even divorced yet. A few words on that. You are jumping into a red hot situation very early. That alone is problematic. The kids are traumatized and struggling and now there's a new man. I personally didn't introduce them to any boyfriends for three years AFTER my divorce because my kids were so shaky. And my ex did not abuse them. I'm not sure if you're living with her or not yet, but it's awfully early. Is she ready for a new relationship? You say you've never had kids. I can guarantee you that with this bunch you are going to have neverending chaos because of the abuse and because the kids sound like they may also have some inherited psychiatric problems that are not easy to sweep under the rug. Both are enourmous problems. Sexual abuse is devestating to kids, and can take years, even with INTENSIVE therapy, to get over. If something else is also wrong...well, to say the least, this is not going to be the Cleavers. Since you haven't ever had kids, I don't know how your staying power is with atypical children, possible mental illness, and a mom who won't get her child appropriate help. You sound like a great guy who maybe is in rescue mode. You have to remember...you didn't cause this problem and you will NOT be able to solve it. Since you have no rights to the kids, it's up to your girlfriend to get the help. If she is reluctant, consider that a huge red flag. It is also worrisome in my opinion that she is not able to support herself and is so dependent on others, including you.</p><p></p><p>If your girlfriend wants to find help for these kids, and I hope she does, she needs to get them all in counseling with a somebody who specializes in sexual abuse. Not all therapists understand this sensitive issue. Then they should all have evaluations to see if they have any issues like childhood onset bipolar or high funcntioning autism or anything else. </p><p>This family has a ton on it's plate. Right now, you don't. It's not going to get easier. One of the kids is 14. She may be way out of control by 16 considering her life experiences and possible disorders. I suggest going to a therapist of your own to discuss all this to see if this is what you want to really do. To be with these kids, then leave them later could hurt them even more. </p><p>Anyway, welcome to the board. You may want to do a signature like I did below, to give us a family overview. I was kind of rambling, putting down my thoughts. Hope you get the feedback you need.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 214832, member: 1550"] Hi there. Wow. Well, first off, your girlfriend isn't even divorced yet. A few words on that. You are jumping into a red hot situation very early. That alone is problematic. The kids are traumatized and struggling and now there's a new man. I personally didn't introduce them to any boyfriends for three years AFTER my divorce because my kids were so shaky. And my ex did not abuse them. I'm not sure if you're living with her or not yet, but it's awfully early. Is she ready for a new relationship? You say you've never had kids. I can guarantee you that with this bunch you are going to have neverending chaos because of the abuse and because the kids sound like they may also have some inherited psychiatric problems that are not easy to sweep under the rug. Both are enourmous problems. Sexual abuse is devestating to kids, and can take years, even with INTENSIVE therapy, to get over. If something else is also wrong...well, to say the least, this is not going to be the Cleavers. Since you haven't ever had kids, I don't know how your staying power is with atypical children, possible mental illness, and a mom who won't get her child appropriate help. You sound like a great guy who maybe is in rescue mode. You have to remember...you didn't cause this problem and you will NOT be able to solve it. Since you have no rights to the kids, it's up to your girlfriend to get the help. If she is reluctant, consider that a huge red flag. It is also worrisome in my opinion that she is not able to support herself and is so dependent on others, including you. If your girlfriend wants to find help for these kids, and I hope she does, she needs to get them all in counseling with a somebody who specializes in sexual abuse. Not all therapists understand this sensitive issue. Then they should all have evaluations to see if they have any issues like childhood onset bipolar or high funcntioning autism or anything else. This family has a ton on it's plate. Right now, you don't. It's not going to get easier. One of the kids is 14. She may be way out of control by 16 considering her life experiences and possible disorders. I suggest going to a therapist of your own to discuss all this to see if this is what you want to really do. To be with these kids, then leave them later could hurt them even more. Anyway, welcome to the board. You may want to do a signature like I did below, to give us a family overview. I was kind of rambling, putting down my thoughts. Hope you get the feedback you need. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
A new comer desperate for advise
Top