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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 215095" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>BAm; I definatly see that as a full plate right there.</p><p></p><p>The high IQ is in what? Is that her adverag or is that in one area? Where are the low scores? With high IQ having an area that is not as capable can be extremly frustrating.</p><p></p><p>Acting out is a normal effect of sexual abuse and the dynamics where in all these children were abused is not isolated to the worst assults. Think how you feel when someone insults you in realatively mild circumstances. Sure it WAS only a slight or a snob but we FEEL it. These are children in a family where FEELING hurt and being hurt were EXTREME.</p><p></p><p>Who are you seeing for therapy? I would start there. Join a mens group where you can get the skivey and feed back from men who are fathers and husbands and dating women with children and work on you.</p><p></p><p>Hey. God bless you. If you do marry this woman or just take the womans side as a</p><p>buffer against this enormous set of circumstances you are on that plate, Mr. Good fellow and I applaud the men and women who care and take up to be human beings for the loveable people who are here .</p><p></p><p>Divide the issues and take them on one at a time. Slow the process down. Acting out and reacting are learned behavor and so is making a list and checking it twice.</p><p>Find the strengths and praise these children at every oppertunity where you see them doing good.</p><p></p><p>I advocate for others by making calls and connections that give them optioons that they do not have to find time to do themselves and doing that for your freind if she wants the support is a time saver. Maybe take on a part of the puzzle. Establish a pro-active approach on "the list"...like, does she have one and can you start the notes while she is doing dishes or landry or soaking in a hot tub.</p><p></p><p>I have in home therapy for my families issues and I highly recommend pursueing that for this family. The mother did not get in to this based on her excellant skills here. And none of us learn what we do need just because we are faced with a problem...it takes HELP HELP HELP.</p><p></p><p>Getting the indivigual sessions that each child does need and the services for the 8 year old...which is a big busy age, by the way... all work.</p><p>My difficult child is best one on one with adults. Having theraputic safe relationships is extremely fundimental for sexually violated children. As horrible as the sexual assault is, the fact is the neglect and abuse that created an environment where the family was under the privation and abuse caused by the role of the perp as a parent/husband is not insugnificant.</p><p>If your actions support these people through this terrible time then every minute is</p><p>more vital than anything you had in mind for your life.</p><p>Do not forse yourself to think ALL or nothing. A father is a role of limits and friendship. Doing that without gratifying any sexual needs of your own maybe be the cool love that helps and de-stymulates a bad bad condition. TAke caare of yourself...and care. Being the selfish mans wreck room is what these people know.</p><p>Good luck. Superdude.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 215095, member: 6271"] BAm; I definatly see that as a full plate right there. The high IQ is in what? Is that her adverag or is that in one area? Where are the low scores? With high IQ having an area that is not as capable can be extremly frustrating. Acting out is a normal effect of sexual abuse and the dynamics where in all these children were abused is not isolated to the worst assults. Think how you feel when someone insults you in realatively mild circumstances. Sure it WAS only a slight or a snob but we FEEL it. These are children in a family where FEELING hurt and being hurt were EXTREME. Who are you seeing for therapy? I would start there. Join a mens group where you can get the skivey and feed back from men who are fathers and husbands and dating women with children and work on you. Hey. God bless you. If you do marry this woman or just take the womans side as a buffer against this enormous set of circumstances you are on that plate, Mr. Good fellow and I applaud the men and women who care and take up to be human beings for the loveable people who are here . Divide the issues and take them on one at a time. Slow the process down. Acting out and reacting are learned behavor and so is making a list and checking it twice. Find the strengths and praise these children at every oppertunity where you see them doing good. I advocate for others by making calls and connections that give them optioons that they do not have to find time to do themselves and doing that for your freind if she wants the support is a time saver. Maybe take on a part of the puzzle. Establish a pro-active approach on "the list"...like, does she have one and can you start the notes while she is doing dishes or landry or soaking in a hot tub. I have in home therapy for my families issues and I highly recommend pursueing that for this family. The mother did not get in to this based on her excellant skills here. And none of us learn what we do need just because we are faced with a problem...it takes HELP HELP HELP. Getting the indivigual sessions that each child does need and the services for the 8 year old...which is a big busy age, by the way... all work. My difficult child is best one on one with adults. Having theraputic safe relationships is extremely fundimental for sexually violated children. As horrible as the sexual assault is, the fact is the neglect and abuse that created an environment where the family was under the privation and abuse caused by the role of the perp as a parent/husband is not insugnificant. If your actions support these people through this terrible time then every minute is more vital than anything you had in mind for your life. Do not forse yourself to think ALL or nothing. A father is a role of limits and friendship. Doing that without gratifying any sexual needs of your own maybe be the cool love that helps and de-stymulates a bad bad condition. TAke caare of yourself...and care. Being the selfish mans wreck room is what these people know. Good luck. Superdude. [/QUOTE]
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