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A Prayer
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 735495" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>It is early morning here and I am awash in the cool quiet, the stars are still out and I am so thankful for a new day. Each day, the feelings ease up a bit as I work on getting my footing. This has been a journey with ups and downs and sideways, and by the grace of God, I am determined to keep going and try my hardest to live a fruitful life. I have to say that writing here has been a lifesaver. Each time I open up CD and read others stories, I know that I am not the only one dealing with this challenge. I don’t wish it on anyone, because I do believe it is one of the most difficult roads to travel. But, to know I am not alone is a Godsend. As I reply to good folks who come here, as I did two years ago, I am also reminding myself of the task at hand. Keep steady state, be present, be grateful for what I do have, for the blessing of raising my children. All of our stories and challenges are unique, what binds us is the love we have for our children and the despair we feel over their choices. Love does say no. No, I will not go down that rabbit hole with you. I believe each of us has before us, a most difficult task to get back on our feet and be the change we wish to see in our beloveds. As our adult children become wayward and lost in their choices, it is imperative to keep working on regaining our own strength. Take our lives back. I thank you for reminding me of this. The struggle my two have is their own. Their choices and consequences. I pray they will find their true potential and am determined to find mine. </p><p></p><p>When my hubs passed over two years ago, I cried so many tears, so many different emotions emerged. I am still working through the grief, but having to get up and live my life not only for myself, but also my son, forces me to soldier on. The grief over my twos choices is different. It waxes and wanes with chance encounters, like the most recent, the loss is not as <em>final</em>, as losing a loved one in death. Not to minimize that, but this grief of having two wayward adult children creates a challenge, a wrestling of heart and mind, facing reality and understanding I have no control over their choices, or how they view life, past, present and future. On the one hand, where there is life, there is hope, on the other, as they struggle with their own demons, the grief of their choices and consequences renews itself. </p><p></p><p> Thank you SW. I appreciate all of you. It is not that I am so strong. Truly as I write here to warrior parents on the path, I am also writing to myself. Though our stories differ, the feelings and heartache, the despair, I have been there many, many times.</p><p></p><p> LBL, these kids have their own perception of growing up. My two, hold on to my mistakes and use that to excuse their actions. Boy, did I make some doozies. But, we are only human. We did the best job we could, caring for our children with what we had at the time. I’m sure as your sons mind clears, and with experience and maturity, he will have a different view.</p><p></p><p>How wonderful it would be if we could time travel and redo our blunders.</p><p></p><p>Of course not. I think it is more difficult. Like Swot mentioned, I do have my well children to ease the pain.</p><p></p><p> Thank you LBL. I am very grateful and humbled by your kindness and comfort.</p><p></p><p>And you as well, LBL. I feel I have already received that.</p><p></p><p> Thank you Wish, your prayers are much appreciated. I pray that your daughter sees the light as well and escapes the grip of her relationship. I pray that they make better choices and value themselves enough to say no more, and set a different path.</p><p>It is possible. </p><p>We can set our own path, even in the midst of it all. </p><p>I am off to pack up for camping. Not much reception where I am going, so I will probably not be posting again for a time. </p><p>I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reaching out to me with love and encouragement. I am feeling much better each day, letting go and letting God. I remind myself that I pray in faith that He watch over my two. No matter what happens, I need to look up and realize all things rest with Him.</p><p>Life is hard at times, but it is filled with so much beauty. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in sorrow, over something I have no control over.</p><p>Thank you all so very much for “walking” with me, and helping me through the sadness. </p><p>I am grateful and truly blessed.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 735495, member: 19522"] It is early morning here and I am awash in the cool quiet, the stars are still out and I am so thankful for a new day. Each day, the feelings ease up a bit as I work on getting my footing. This has been a journey with ups and downs and sideways, and by the grace of God, I am determined to keep going and try my hardest to live a fruitful life. I have to say that writing here has been a lifesaver. Each time I open up CD and read others stories, I know that I am not the only one dealing with this challenge. I don’t wish it on anyone, because I do believe it is one of the most difficult roads to travel. But, to know I am not alone is a Godsend. As I reply to good folks who come here, as I did two years ago, I am also reminding myself of the task at hand. Keep steady state, be present, be grateful for what I do have, for the blessing of raising my children. All of our stories and challenges are unique, what binds us is the love we have for our children and the despair we feel over their choices. Love does say no. No, I will not go down that rabbit hole with you. I believe each of us has before us, a most difficult task to get back on our feet and be the change we wish to see in our beloveds. As our adult children become wayward and lost in their choices, it is imperative to keep working on regaining our own strength. Take our lives back. I thank you for reminding me of this. The struggle my two have is their own. Their choices and consequences. I pray they will find their true potential and am determined to find mine. When my hubs passed over two years ago, I cried so many tears, so many different emotions emerged. I am still working through the grief, but having to get up and live my life not only for myself, but also my son, forces me to soldier on. The grief over my twos choices is different. It waxes and wanes with chance encounters, like the most recent, the loss is not as [I]final[/I], as losing a loved one in death. Not to minimize that, but this grief of having two wayward adult children creates a challenge, a wrestling of heart and mind, facing reality and understanding I have no control over their choices, or how they view life, past, present and future. On the one hand, where there is life, there is hope, on the other, as they struggle with their own demons, the grief of their choices and consequences renews itself. Thank you SW. I appreciate all of you. It is not that I am so strong. Truly as I write here to warrior parents on the path, I am also writing to myself. Though our stories differ, the feelings and heartache, the despair, I have been there many, many times. LBL, these kids have their own perception of growing up. My two, hold on to my mistakes and use that to excuse their actions. Boy, did I make some doozies. But, we are only human. We did the best job we could, caring for our children with what we had at the time. I’m sure as your sons mind clears, and with experience and maturity, he will have a different view. How wonderful it would be if we could time travel and redo our blunders. Of course not. I think it is more difficult. Like Swot mentioned, I do have my well children to ease the pain. Thank you LBL. I am very grateful and humbled by your kindness and comfort. And you as well, LBL. I feel I have already received that. Thank you Wish, your prayers are much appreciated. I pray that your daughter sees the light as well and escapes the grip of her relationship. I pray that they make better choices and value themselves enough to say no more, and set a different path. It is possible. We can set our own path, even in the midst of it all. I am off to pack up for camping. Not much reception where I am going, so I will probably not be posting again for a time. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reaching out to me with love and encouragement. I am feeling much better each day, letting go and letting God. I remind myself that I pray in faith that He watch over my two. No matter what happens, I need to look up and realize all things rest with Him. Life is hard at times, but it is filled with so much beauty. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in sorrow, over something I have no control over. Thank you all so very much for “walking” with me, and helping me through the sadness. I am grateful and truly blessed. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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