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Parent Emeritus
A question to those of you with non grads
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<blockquote data-quote="JKF" data-source="post: 656730" data-attributes="member: 12470"><p>This is SO true! Every time I am tempted to step in and "save" my son, I have to remind myself that in order for him to grow, I need to stay out of it. He is an adult and his choices and the consequences of those choices are his to deal with. The more I step in, the more harm it does. Been there done that! And you're right CVA - it is NOT easy but it's very necessary! My son's life is still what I consider a mess, but he's finding resources on his own which is the way it needs to be for our kids. If they are not forced to experience the unpleasant consequences of their own actions, then they will choose to stay put and take the easy way out. Up until a year ago I used to step in and do <em>everything</em> for my son. Make the calls. Set up appointments. Nag him about when and where he needs to be on what day, etc. It did no good and my life became hell. I became physically and emotionally ill. My relationships with my husband and younger son began to suffer because I was focusing <strong>all</strong> of my energy on Difficult Child. That's when I stepped back, set boundaries firmly in place, and gave him control over his own life. Has it been easy for him? No, I'm sure it hasn't but then again life isn't easy for anyone. I've had my fair share of unpleasant experiences in life that I've had to deal with due to choices I made. I didn't have anyone to step in and "save" me and you know what? I'm 100% better off because of it and I know in the long run my Difficult Child will be better off too.</p><p></p><p> You are a very wise woman CVA <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JKF, post: 656730, member: 12470"] This is SO true! Every time I am tempted to step in and "save" my son, I have to remind myself that in order for him to grow, I need to stay out of it. He is an adult and his choices and the consequences of those choices are his to deal with. The more I step in, the more harm it does. Been there done that! And you're right CVA - it is NOT easy but it's very necessary! My son's life is still what I consider a mess, but he's finding resources on his own which is the way it needs to be for our kids. If they are not forced to experience the unpleasant consequences of their own actions, then they will choose to stay put and take the easy way out. Up until a year ago I used to step in and do [I]everything[/I] for my son. Make the calls. Set up appointments. Nag him about when and where he needs to be on what day, etc. It did no good and my life became hell. I became physically and emotionally ill. My relationships with my husband and younger son began to suffer because I was focusing [B]all[/B] of my energy on Difficult Child. That's when I stepped back, set boundaries firmly in place, and gave him control over his own life. Has it been easy for him? No, I'm sure it hasn't but then again life isn't easy for anyone. I've had my fair share of unpleasant experiences in life that I've had to deal with due to choices I made. I didn't have anyone to step in and "save" me and you know what? I'm 100% better off because of it and I know in the long run my Difficult Child will be better off too. You are a very wise woman CVA :) [/QUOTE]
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A question to those of you with non grads
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