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Parent Emeritus
A stab of guilt, I could use some support...........
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 574698" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Scent of cedar, you really nailed it, "personal devastation" sigh, yes, that's it. And, you did not sound as if you were whining, you were stating a fact as far as I am concerned. Putting this into words is not easy, it all takes place in such a deep internal place, where this kind of grief lives within us all the time, lurking there awaiting that opening to pounce out, dragging us, at least momentarily, through those very dark places only a mother of a difficult child knows so well. Thank you for saying it so eloquently, it brings me some comfort.</p><p></p><p>Last night I was standing in the kitchen with my granddaughter and her boyfriend, tasting bread I had just made in my new bread making machine. We were laughing and enjoying the moment. The kids left the kitchen and a stab of such pain hit me in the heart, that my daughter is out there alone and scared and I am warm and fed and happy. The moment passed. I am very aware that she got there on her own, needs to find her own way out and I will not interfere. But that does not make the moments of pain any less, the heartfelt recognition that she may never get it together and could end up.................????...........and then I have to pull myself back to the moment and motor on with my life. It is what it is, I cannot change it, I have no control over it, all of that stuff we all know....................but yes, I see the little girl who had so much promise and it is devastating. And, yet, life does go on and each day this gets just a tad easier.</p><p></p><p>I see from your signature that your daughter has retreated from life somewhat. Geez, I hope she finds her way back. I'm sorry. Sending you hugs and hoping you find peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 574698, member: 13542"] Scent of cedar, you really nailed it, "personal devastation" sigh, yes, that's it. And, you did not sound as if you were whining, you were stating a fact as far as I am concerned. Putting this into words is not easy, it all takes place in such a deep internal place, where this kind of grief lives within us all the time, lurking there awaiting that opening to pounce out, dragging us, at least momentarily, through those very dark places only a mother of a difficult child knows so well. Thank you for saying it so eloquently, it brings me some comfort. Last night I was standing in the kitchen with my granddaughter and her boyfriend, tasting bread I had just made in my new bread making machine. We were laughing and enjoying the moment. The kids left the kitchen and a stab of such pain hit me in the heart, that my daughter is out there alone and scared and I am warm and fed and happy. The moment passed. I am very aware that she got there on her own, needs to find her own way out and I will not interfere. But that does not make the moments of pain any less, the heartfelt recognition that she may never get it together and could end up.................????...........and then I have to pull myself back to the moment and motor on with my life. It is what it is, I cannot change it, I have no control over it, all of that stuff we all know....................but yes, I see the little girl who had so much promise and it is devastating. And, yet, life does go on and each day this gets just a tad easier. I see from your signature that your daughter has retreated from life somewhat. Geez, I hope she finds her way back. I'm sorry. Sending you hugs and hoping you find peace. [/QUOTE]
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A stab of guilt, I could use some support...........
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