Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A strange balance point
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620903" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I've been away for the weekend on the California coast............a peaceful, beautifully quiet and serene couple of days away from the fray........I was more alert to that sense of deep gratitude and that still point within...........it was a wonderful time..................SO and I landed on a really nice realization that now that granddaughter is more responsible, we can venture out on more excursions...............oh boy, that opens the doors for us to really start OUR adventure...........</p><p></p><p>................just returned an hour or so ago...........the first thing I hear is the beeping of the house phone indicating messages left..................the voice mail states there was a collect call from the detention facility in the next town..........immediately I knew my daughter was again arrested. </p><p></p><p>That feeling in the pit of your stomach where it feels like it drops out.............my immediate response. You all know that one..........SO looks online and sure enough we can see she was arrested last night. Oddly, I had a dream about her last night, I couldn't recall the details, just that she was in it, it didn't feel dramatic. Those connections are there.......I'm sure she was sending out big vibes in my direction last night..........I would certainly be the first one she would call. I'm sure she will want money on her books, for me to run around getting her car out of impound, doing the usual crazy stuff mothers of difficult child's do.</p><p></p><p>I sat with all of this for a few minutes. If she had lasted 18 months, the original sentence would have been lowered, this is the 18 month, so now there will be a lot more charges added to the already large probation bill. There will be bail, drama, blame, crying, all of which I've been through twice before with my daughter.......I used to mention this trajectory to her, trying to warn her, but it falls on deaf ears so I stopped that awhile ago. I initiate contact about once a week, always asking how she is. She rarely responds. </p><p></p><p>I decided right now I don't want to know. I don't want to engage. I don't want to be the one who gets called anymore. </p><p></p><p>I asked SO to disconnect the house phone so we don't know it rings. </p><p></p><p>Then I read all of your posts since yesterday. Seems a lot is going on here............I want to respond, but I have that nice tired feeling you get when you've been on the ocean and the sun has been shining.........the salt air is so refreshing and always leaves me feeling good, balanced, alive. I may respond today.........maybe tomorrow..............</p><p></p><p>I'm not going to allow all of those good feelings to dissipate while I join my daughter in her new drama. She is the star and I am resigning from being a lead character, or even a bit player.........I don't want to be in the movie at all.</p><p></p><p>This feels like one of those weird life tests............can I maintain my sense of balance and that feeling of gratitude and wonder when my difficult child keeps falling into the same pot holes?</p><p></p><p>Yeah, I can.</p><p></p><p>SO said, "well, she's safe." And, then I thought of how sometimes our destiny carries us to a path which first appears pretty yucky but sometime later you say, "geez, that was what turned the tide." I can make this a crisis, or I can realize it is what it is..........it will all go in the direction it is supposed to go........with or without my interference. Whatever her actions were that precipitated this arrest, they were just that, HER ACTIONS. I am pretty far out of the circle of her life..........by my boundaries and her choices, so it seems somehow the appropriate place for me to stay right now.........outside of all of it.........</p><p></p><p>And as I say all of that, I am realizing that I am okay. That pit of the stomach thing faded as I made the choice not to engage. Somehow I think my difficult child needs to be on this adventure on her own without me tagging along. That's what feels right now. Deep breath taken..........big let go...........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620903, member: 13542"] I've been away for the weekend on the California coast............a peaceful, beautifully quiet and serene couple of days away from the fray........I was more alert to that sense of deep gratitude and that still point within...........it was a wonderful time..................SO and I landed on a really nice realization that now that granddaughter is more responsible, we can venture out on more excursions...............oh boy, that opens the doors for us to really start OUR adventure........... ................just returned an hour or so ago...........the first thing I hear is the beeping of the house phone indicating messages left..................the voice mail states there was a collect call from the detention facility in the next town..........immediately I knew my daughter was again arrested. That feeling in the pit of your stomach where it feels like it drops out.............my immediate response. You all know that one..........SO looks online and sure enough we can see she was arrested last night. Oddly, I had a dream about her last night, I couldn't recall the details, just that she was in it, it didn't feel dramatic. Those connections are there.......I'm sure she was sending out big vibes in my direction last night..........I would certainly be the first one she would call. I'm sure she will want money on her books, for me to run around getting her car out of impound, doing the usual crazy stuff mothers of difficult child's do. I sat with all of this for a few minutes. If she had lasted 18 months, the original sentence would have been lowered, this is the 18 month, so now there will be a lot more charges added to the already large probation bill. There will be bail, drama, blame, crying, all of which I've been through twice before with my daughter.......I used to mention this trajectory to her, trying to warn her, but it falls on deaf ears so I stopped that awhile ago. I initiate contact about once a week, always asking how she is. She rarely responds. I decided right now I don't want to know. I don't want to engage. I don't want to be the one who gets called anymore. I asked SO to disconnect the house phone so we don't know it rings. Then I read all of your posts since yesterday. Seems a lot is going on here............I want to respond, but I have that nice tired feeling you get when you've been on the ocean and the sun has been shining.........the salt air is so refreshing and always leaves me feeling good, balanced, alive. I may respond today.........maybe tomorrow.............. I'm not going to allow all of those good feelings to dissipate while I join my daughter in her new drama. She is the star and I am resigning from being a lead character, or even a bit player.........I don't want to be in the movie at all. This feels like one of those weird life tests............can I maintain my sense of balance and that feeling of gratitude and wonder when my difficult child keeps falling into the same pot holes? Yeah, I can. SO said, "well, she's safe." And, then I thought of how sometimes our destiny carries us to a path which first appears pretty yucky but sometime later you say, "geez, that was what turned the tide." I can make this a crisis, or I can realize it is what it is..........it will all go in the direction it is supposed to go........with or without my interference. Whatever her actions were that precipitated this arrest, they were just that, HER ACTIONS. I am pretty far out of the circle of her life..........by my boundaries and her choices, so it seems somehow the appropriate place for me to stay right now.........outside of all of it......... And as I say all of that, I am realizing that I am okay. That pit of the stomach thing faded as I made the choice not to engage. Somehow I think my difficult child needs to be on this adventure on her own without me tagging along. That's what feels right now. Deep breath taken..........big let go........... [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A strange balance point
Top