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A strange balance point
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621030" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thank you LMS, MWM, Echo and Cedar, I do feel all of you.......and it is so good to know you all understand.</p><p></p><p>I am okay. I had a bump yesterday when we decided to let her roommate know that she is in jail because of her 4 cats and also just so he knows. I didn't have his phone number so I wrote him a note and SO dropped it off at his home just a few blocks from us with SO's phone number. The roommate and SO texted and we found out that he is "done with her" because he said "he is tired of being lied to and used." That had an impact on me because now, when she gets out she will literally have no where to go, she will have nothing.</p><p></p><p>This is the future I told her would happen if she continued down the road she is on. Now it is here. I imagine her car is in impound with her purse and everything she carries around with her, which is a lot. It all sits there and the bill gets larger and larger and someday when you want to get a license, or registration, you can't until that bill is paid. I found that all out the last time, when I paid it and got the car out. </p><p></p><p>Whenever she gets out, tomorrow, or in a year, (it appears it is a second probation violation so how long she stays in jail is up to the judge) she gets out with the clothes on her back and that's it, no where to go, no car, no identification, no friends, nothing. At so many points along the way, she could have made some positive choices, however, she never did. We knew this was going to happen eventually and now it has. </p><p></p><p>We plugged the phone back in yesterday afternoon. It rang a few times and I didn't answer it. She didn't call me yesterday at work. If she calls now, I will see how I feel and possibly take the call, I don't know, I am taking this one moment to the next. I am hoping she stays in jail and perhaps receives some counseling. The last time she was in for a month, she was in a group and the counselor told her she had serious anxiety issues, which is true and the groups seemed to help her............but whatever happens, to me, this feels like the bottom she has managed to avoid for 4 years. When I look back over that time, it all got to this point starting with the loss of her job and then the loss of her home...........from that point to this, it was a clear spiral down. I became involved 2 years ago, the first time she was put in jail, that is when the big slide began and all of my enabling stuff erupted full force. </p><p></p><p>As I mentioned before, this all feels as if we are all in our "right" place. That is a very strong feeling which I haven't had before. It doesn't feel good necessarily, I feel sad for my daughter. I feel sad for myself too. For some reason the realization that I have no family behind me (my bio family all being pretty out there) and my daughter, (also, out there.........) brings a different kind of sadness now. Certainly understandable. As we've talked about, I just have to sit with this now. And, yet, that feeling of it all being somehow, right, that this was where we were all headed and had to go is so strong...........our collective fate seems to have hit the point at which a nova occurs............and when the pieces all settle again, I do think this is going to look quite different. </p><p></p><p>In the meantime, if you could circle those wagons around us and say a prayer for all of us, I would so appreciate that..........thanks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621030, member: 13542"] Thank you LMS, MWM, Echo and Cedar, I do feel all of you.......and it is so good to know you all understand. I am okay. I had a bump yesterday when we decided to let her roommate know that she is in jail because of her 4 cats and also just so he knows. I didn't have his phone number so I wrote him a note and SO dropped it off at his home just a few blocks from us with SO's phone number. The roommate and SO texted and we found out that he is "done with her" because he said "he is tired of being lied to and used." That had an impact on me because now, when she gets out she will literally have no where to go, she will have nothing. This is the future I told her would happen if she continued down the road she is on. Now it is here. I imagine her car is in impound with her purse and everything she carries around with her, which is a lot. It all sits there and the bill gets larger and larger and someday when you want to get a license, or registration, you can't until that bill is paid. I found that all out the last time, when I paid it and got the car out. Whenever she gets out, tomorrow, or in a year, (it appears it is a second probation violation so how long she stays in jail is up to the judge) she gets out with the clothes on her back and that's it, no where to go, no car, no identification, no friends, nothing. At so many points along the way, she could have made some positive choices, however, she never did. We knew this was going to happen eventually and now it has. We plugged the phone back in yesterday afternoon. It rang a few times and I didn't answer it. She didn't call me yesterday at work. If she calls now, I will see how I feel and possibly take the call, I don't know, I am taking this one moment to the next. I am hoping she stays in jail and perhaps receives some counseling. The last time she was in for a month, she was in a group and the counselor told her she had serious anxiety issues, which is true and the groups seemed to help her............but whatever happens, to me, this feels like the bottom she has managed to avoid for 4 years. When I look back over that time, it all got to this point starting with the loss of her job and then the loss of her home...........from that point to this, it was a clear spiral down. I became involved 2 years ago, the first time she was put in jail, that is when the big slide began and all of my enabling stuff erupted full force. As I mentioned before, this all feels as if we are all in our "right" place. That is a very strong feeling which I haven't had before. It doesn't feel good necessarily, I feel sad for my daughter. I feel sad for myself too. For some reason the realization that I have no family behind me (my bio family all being pretty out there) and my daughter, (also, out there.........) brings a different kind of sadness now. Certainly understandable. As we've talked about, I just have to sit with this now. And, yet, that feeling of it all being somehow, right, that this was where we were all headed and had to go is so strong...........our collective fate seems to have hit the point at which a nova occurs............and when the pieces all settle again, I do think this is going to look quite different. In the meantime, if you could circle those wagons around us and say a prayer for all of us, I would so appreciate that..........thanks. [/QUOTE]
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