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A strange balance point
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621064" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Yeah, me too SS.</p><p></p><p>And, when the local paper comes out I will get to answer those questions "was that your daughter I saw in the police report, arrested last Saturday night?" The first time, I wanted to curl into a ball..............this time? SO said, "tell them you don't know who that is." I don't know why that tickled my funny bone. Maybe because I don't know who she is....really. And, I don't feel that shame anymore............if someone is going to judge me, seriously? They can't do it any better then I was judging myself. And, now that I am not judging myself, I don't care what anyone else thinks. (well, maybe if she were on the 6 o'clock news, that might spark a reaction!)</p><p></p><p>There are always these adjustments to make, these shifts and changes with our difficult child's. I am reading this terrific book called <u>Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change </u>by Pema Chodron. It is the perfect book for me right now. Here is a quote which helped me through this last couple of days. "In <u>My Stroke of Insight,</u> the brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor's book about her recovery from a massive stroke, (<em>I read it, it's a wonderful book!</em>) she explains the physiological mechanism behind emotion: an emotion like anger that's an automatic response lasts just ninety seconds from the moment it's triggered until it runs it's course. One and a half minutes, that's all. When it lasts any longer, which it usually does, it's because we've chosen to rekindle it. The fact of the shifting, changing nature of our emotions is something we could take advantage of. But do we? No. Instead, when an emotion comes up, we fuel it with our thoughts, and what should last one and a half minutes may be drawn out for ten or twenty years. We just keep recycling the story line. We keep strengthening our old habits."</p><p></p><p>All of this information, new and old, is helping me to realize I have a choice to either suffer and invite misery in...........or look at this a different way. You've all helped to lift me back up.............I can walk directly into sorrow, or fear............or I could choose to feel differently. That one and a half minute thing really impacted me. I can see my own story line pretty effectively.............I really want to drop that and be an empty slate as each moment shows up. Practice, practice, practice................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621064, member: 13542"] Yeah, me too SS. And, when the local paper comes out I will get to answer those questions "was that your daughter I saw in the police report, arrested last Saturday night?" The first time, I wanted to curl into a ball..............this time? SO said, "tell them you don't know who that is." I don't know why that tickled my funny bone. Maybe because I don't know who she is....really. And, I don't feel that shame anymore............if someone is going to judge me, seriously? They can't do it any better then I was judging myself. And, now that I am not judging myself, I don't care what anyone else thinks. (well, maybe if she were on the 6 o'clock news, that might spark a reaction!) There are always these adjustments to make, these shifts and changes with our difficult child's. I am reading this terrific book called [U]Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change [/U]by Pema Chodron. It is the perfect book for me right now. Here is a quote which helped me through this last couple of days. "In [U]My Stroke of Insight,[/U] the brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor's book about her recovery from a massive stroke, ([I]I read it, it's a wonderful book![/I]) she explains the physiological mechanism behind emotion: an emotion like anger that's an automatic response lasts just ninety seconds from the moment it's triggered until it runs it's course. One and a half minutes, that's all. When it lasts any longer, which it usually does, it's because we've chosen to rekindle it. The fact of the shifting, changing nature of our emotions is something we could take advantage of. But do we? No. Instead, when an emotion comes up, we fuel it with our thoughts, and what should last one and a half minutes may be drawn out for ten or twenty years. We just keep recycling the story line. We keep strengthening our old habits." All of this information, new and old, is helping me to realize I have a choice to either suffer and invite misery in...........or look at this a different way. You've all helped to lift me back up.............I can walk directly into sorrow, or fear............or I could choose to feel differently. That one and a half minute thing really impacted me. I can see my own story line pretty effectively.............I really want to drop that and be an empty slate as each moment shows up. Practice, practice, practice................ [/QUOTE]
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