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A thorn in the dog
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 491226" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks MWM. J came to live with us at three months old and before that was in a creche in Marrakesh - rows of beautifully neat cots in which the babies were left alone to cry for hours on end... I first "met" him when he was one week old and went to visit him once or twice a day after that until he came home (in fact the director of the creche let me take him two months before he was legally adopted, but that's another story...) but I don't think he significantly bonded with me as a result of these short visits. When he first came to live with me, he seemed very disturbed... screamed non-stop, literally for hours, for about a month. </p><p>So doubtless there was some impact. I was also working all the time from the time he was a baby and although I was always in the house, popping in and out, he was mainly cared for by Moroccan girls who worked for us. My ex-husband was pretty feckless financially and I had to work. No choice in the matter. </p><p>And then... he is a difficult child, hard to manage and extremely consuming of energy, not least because of the hyperactivity, and I suppose if I am honest I have been grateful for the respite I have received from childminders, school, etc. I think partly I flee from engaging with J for long periods of time because it is often very stressful and hard and I feel aware of my own limitations in dealing with him. I feel as if we do better with short, quality periods of time together. So I think he is used to having various sources of care and I would be willing to acknowledge that that is a probably also a source of insecure attachment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 491226, member: 11227"] Thanks MWM. J came to live with us at three months old and before that was in a creche in Marrakesh - rows of beautifully neat cots in which the babies were left alone to cry for hours on end... I first "met" him when he was one week old and went to visit him once or twice a day after that until he came home (in fact the director of the creche let me take him two months before he was legally adopted, but that's another story...) but I don't think he significantly bonded with me as a result of these short visits. When he first came to live with me, he seemed very disturbed... screamed non-stop, literally for hours, for about a month. So doubtless there was some impact. I was also working all the time from the time he was a baby and although I was always in the house, popping in and out, he was mainly cared for by Moroccan girls who worked for us. My ex-husband was pretty feckless financially and I had to work. No choice in the matter. And then... he is a difficult child, hard to manage and extremely consuming of energy, not least because of the hyperactivity, and I suppose if I am honest I have been grateful for the respite I have received from childminders, school, etc. I think partly I flee from engaging with J for long periods of time because it is often very stressful and hard and I feel aware of my own limitations in dealing with him. I feel as if we do better with short, quality periods of time together. So I think he is used to having various sources of care and I would be willing to acknowledge that that is a probably also a source of insecure attachment. [/QUOTE]
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