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A very bad day
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 748332" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>Sure- like I said it didn't happen overnight, and I have to admit much of it is probably my personality. I'm incredibly stubborn and I don't like feeling like someone else is controlling my life and/or emotions. So much of it is sheer force of will. I started by keeping myself incredibly busy. If I started feeling stressed or anxious I would go walk my dogs. For me walking in nature with my dogs works wonders in unraveling my mind. I would also go to movies, which is a great way to immerse yourself in something else. I also read everything I could get my hands on about dealing with difficult adult children, codependency, boundaries and self-care. That helped me think about my own issues, unhealthy ways I engage in relationships and how it affects my life. I had a toxic childhood, so I spent a lot of time working through that and really learning to believe that the way I was treated was not my fault. Once I believed that it was like a huge weight was lifted off of me and it really helped me reframe how I deal with other people. I also did big projects like being one of the main planners of my h.s. class reunion, painting my house, and I put tons of time and effort into my dogs. I am very proud to say many, many people have asked me to train their dogs because of how well-behaved my dogs are. I also spent time learning to just be still and observe things. I really enjoy watching how my dogs react to the world, and I learned so much from them about accepting things as they are and living in the moment. For sure, I had (and still have) bad days. But I refused to let myself fall into a black hole and kept moving forward. There were plenty of days where I literally felt like a robot- just doing what I was supposed to do and getting through the day. But I was also very thoughtful and understanding with myself, so I didn't beat myself up over the bad days. When I found myself talking to myself in my head in a negative way I changed it to how I would speak to a friend who was going through something similar. </p><p></p><p>I have worked really hard to create a peaceful life for myself, so now I don't let anyone or anything disturb that. A couple of years ago my mother had cancer surgery in a different city than they or I live in. My father has early stage dementia, so I said I would stay in a hotel with him. Both of my parents have pretty intense issues of their own but they have a lot of money, so they get away with a lot of poor behavior. My brother and his wife are very similar to my parents. I was dreading this, but I also felt like it was something I needed to do so I didn't regret not doing it later. There were several times that my father and brother were unkind to me. In the past I would have cried and raged back at them. Not anymore. I just calmly stated how I felt and walked away for a short time when I needed to. I refused to let them destroy the peace of mind I have worked so hard to cultivate. And I was successful. For me, that was like my final exam. And I passed. As I stated, it's not easy. It's literally changing your entire way of thinking and interacting with people. But it's so worth the hard work. I hope you find peace in your own way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 748332, member: 11235"] Sure- like I said it didn't happen overnight, and I have to admit much of it is probably my personality. I'm incredibly stubborn and I don't like feeling like someone else is controlling my life and/or emotions. So much of it is sheer force of will. I started by keeping myself incredibly busy. If I started feeling stressed or anxious I would go walk my dogs. For me walking in nature with my dogs works wonders in unraveling my mind. I would also go to movies, which is a great way to immerse yourself in something else. I also read everything I could get my hands on about dealing with difficult adult children, codependency, boundaries and self-care. That helped me think about my own issues, unhealthy ways I engage in relationships and how it affects my life. I had a toxic childhood, so I spent a lot of time working through that and really learning to believe that the way I was treated was not my fault. Once I believed that it was like a huge weight was lifted off of me and it really helped me reframe how I deal with other people. I also did big projects like being one of the main planners of my h.s. class reunion, painting my house, and I put tons of time and effort into my dogs. I am very proud to say many, many people have asked me to train their dogs because of how well-behaved my dogs are. I also spent time learning to just be still and observe things. I really enjoy watching how my dogs react to the world, and I learned so much from them about accepting things as they are and living in the moment. For sure, I had (and still have) bad days. But I refused to let myself fall into a black hole and kept moving forward. There were plenty of days where I literally felt like a robot- just doing what I was supposed to do and getting through the day. But I was also very thoughtful and understanding with myself, so I didn't beat myself up over the bad days. When I found myself talking to myself in my head in a negative way I changed it to how I would speak to a friend who was going through something similar. I have worked really hard to create a peaceful life for myself, so now I don't let anyone or anything disturb that. A couple of years ago my mother had cancer surgery in a different city than they or I live in. My father has early stage dementia, so I said I would stay in a hotel with him. Both of my parents have pretty intense issues of their own but they have a lot of money, so they get away with a lot of poor behavior. My brother and his wife are very similar to my parents. I was dreading this, but I also felt like it was something I needed to do so I didn't regret not doing it later. There were several times that my father and brother were unkind to me. In the past I would have cried and raged back at them. Not anymore. I just calmly stated how I felt and walked away for a short time when I needed to. I refused to let them destroy the peace of mind I have worked so hard to cultivate. And I was successful. For me, that was like my final exam. And I passed. As I stated, it's not easy. It's literally changing your entire way of thinking and interacting with people. But it's so worth the hard work. I hope you find peace in your own way. [/QUOTE]
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