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Substance Abuse
A View From The Other Side (Fairly Long)
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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 686386" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>I think everyone suffers, but some people have a hard time recovering. Both my late husband and his brother were life long alcoholics. brother in law replaced alcohol with weed. My husband was sober for a time, but the stress of having a family pushed him back to drugs. I think his biggest issue was an underlying mental illness which he refused to acknowledge and treat properly. His brother did not get therapy to come to terms with his older brother's suicide. Also, he was left in charge of their parents who are both have difficult personalities. From my perspective, the biggest problem is that this older generation is so miserable. My father in law is a mean sonofab!&ch , and my mother in law is a drunk who takes to her bed frequently. Neither of them has ever truly enjoyed anything, and their relationships are contentious. I think all 4 of these people simply never learned how to be happy with what they had. The focus of their lives was always on the negative. My mother in law often refers to "the family curse." She means that alcoholism and insanity runs in the family. I think that if you grow up believing that it is family destiny to self-destruct, then that is what you're going to do. </p><p></p><p>I tried my level best to get my husband to rejoice in the good things in his life - there were many joys. He could be happy for only very brief periods of time. He would quickly revert to what I perceive as learned behaviors of misery. I don't think being happy or even content with their lives feels comfortable for any of these 4 people. When my husband died by suicide leaving his only brother struggling with these miserable parents, my poor brother in law saw no other choice than to follow suit. The entire family saw him as the screw-up. My husband was the "successful" child. </p><p></p><p>I still see my former in laws; they are both still living. I choose to not spend holidays with them or vacation with them. We limit our visits to lunches in a public place. I talk with my kids frequently about how dysfunctional their grandparents' lives are. I don't want to cut them out of our lives completely because they are the only 2 grandchildren of this sad couple. I cannot, though, spend a great deal of time with them. My father in law says next to nothing or lashes out in anger. My mother in law drinks heavily and reinvents the past to cast her deceased sons in a different light. It's all desperately sad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 686386, member: 11832"] I think everyone suffers, but some people have a hard time recovering. Both my late husband and his brother were life long alcoholics. brother in law replaced alcohol with weed. My husband was sober for a time, but the stress of having a family pushed him back to drugs. I think his biggest issue was an underlying mental illness which he refused to acknowledge and treat properly. His brother did not get therapy to come to terms with his older brother's suicide. Also, he was left in charge of their parents who are both have difficult personalities. From my perspective, the biggest problem is that this older generation is so miserable. My father in law is a mean sonofab!&ch , and my mother in law is a drunk who takes to her bed frequently. Neither of them has ever truly enjoyed anything, and their relationships are contentious. I think all 4 of these people simply never learned how to be happy with what they had. The focus of their lives was always on the negative. My mother in law often refers to "the family curse." She means that alcoholism and insanity runs in the family. I think that if you grow up believing that it is family destiny to self-destruct, then that is what you're going to do. I tried my level best to get my husband to rejoice in the good things in his life - there were many joys. He could be happy for only very brief periods of time. He would quickly revert to what I perceive as learned behaviors of misery. I don't think being happy or even content with their lives feels comfortable for any of these 4 people. When my husband died by suicide leaving his only brother struggling with these miserable parents, my poor brother in law saw no other choice than to follow suit. The entire family saw him as the screw-up. My husband was the "successful" child. I still see my former in laws; they are both still living. I choose to not spend holidays with them or vacation with them. We limit our visits to lunches in a public place. I talk with my kids frequently about how dysfunctional their grandparents' lives are. I don't want to cut them out of our lives completely because they are the only 2 grandchildren of this sad couple. I cannot, though, spend a great deal of time with them. My father in law says next to nothing or lashes out in anger. My mother in law drinks heavily and reinvents the past to cast her deceased sons in a different light. It's all desperately sad. [/QUOTE]
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