Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Aaaand We Have Our First "Allegation"...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 574476" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((hugs)))))</p><p></p><p>It stinks to have to work with people who think you are in ANY way abusing your child. You are right to document absolutely everything. This isn't just to protect your family, it is to protect your life in every single aspect. Very very few people ever really 'get it' about our kids and the way the family lives when a difficult child is in the mix. </p><p></p><p>in my opinion it would NOT be a bad idea to put cameras in your home so that you can prove that difficult child isn't abused. It is also very important to get yourself some kind of help for anger. NOT because i think in any way you are abusive, but because if this ever goes to CPS/court, you have PROOF that you are doing everything possible to make sure that anger is not yanking you over the line. Having this PROOF that you are working to be a better parent and to make sure that anger and stress are not tearing you and your family apart can go a very long way to making false allegations go away.</p><p></p><p>Some people have no common sense, and many times if you combine that with a difficult child you end up with what can LOOK like abuse. I once had a teacher in her fifties INSIST that my 7yo son was made to stand outside in his underwear all night long in Feb in Ohio. With nothing but his underwear, and not the long john kind either. Luckily basic logic showed this was truly idiotic and impossible.</p><p></p><p>One thing that MANY if not most people do not understand is tactile defensiveness. My boys both do NOT like to be touched if they don't expect it. They have sensory integration disorder and often a touch that is gently is interpreted as a slap or punch would be. It is actually fairly common in kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or other special needs. Many people think that it is PROOF that someone in the child's life is abusing them. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Reality is that it s not at all uncommon even in kids who have not ever been hit, spanked, etc... Their brains don't register the sensory input the way a neurotypical brain would.With a lot of sensory work it can be helped, brought to a point where the person can be around people most of the time with-o flinching away if touched or if someone makes a sudden move. </p><p></p><p>I urge you to at least go to the area Domestic Violence center and ask them for help so that your anger doesn't bring you to the point where you do act out. NOT because I think you have, or even that I think you need to get that help. If nothing else, it is a way to protect yourself and prove that you are being PROACTIVE to make sure you don't ever cross that line. You shouldn't NEED to do this, but with working where your child goes to school there may be a need to show that you are doing all you can. There are some teachers who see problems if they don't like a parent or a student is hard to teach so there must be a problem at home, Going to the DV center shows you are taking this very seriously AND help is free there, and often they provide babystting for free also. </p><p></p><p>It would also be an excellent thing to have your son evaluated by a private occupational therapist (Occupational Therapist (OT)) for sensory issues and esp tactile defensiveness. I say private because school Occupational Therapist (OT)'s generally only look for how this impacts problems at home. I realize that MANY go beyond this, but there are still those who only look for how sensory issues impact academics. Many of us here feel private evaluations are more accurate and in depth and complete, regardless of what kind of evaluation it is. Many insurance co's will pay part or all of Occupational Therapist (OT), depending on the diagnosis the child has. </p><p></p><p>Sadly the reality today is that often we must go out of our way to prove that we are getting the skills needed to be sure our kids are not abused with things like classes on DV, etc... It is very true that a bit of proactive choices can keep us from major complications caused by people who just don't have a clue.</p><p></p><p>It is sad that Monday is such a tough day for your family. Is there ANY way to try to make it a good morrning? Maybe if he is cooperative and gets ready with-o problems then you could give hm a breakfast he really likes, or some treat after school? I am just throwing out ideas here. For a while we would let my oldest have a happy meal after school if he didn't have a meltdown before school on one day that was consistently hard for him. Or I would make a big batch of his favorite muffins and freeze some so that if he had a good morning then we would thaw the muffn for part of his breakfast. While food isn't always the best choice of rewards, it was one of very few things that worked to motivate him, so we went with it. We also had a checklist for all the steps of each chore (did you know that you can break down 'brush your teeth' into a lot of steps? It boggled my mind when I sat down to write out the steps because it seems lke such a simple thing to do, lol.) Having chores broken down that way, esp ones done before school (I am considering basic hygeine and getting dressed to be chores for the sake of this paragraph.) and the night before school to be ready for school, made a BIG difference. An even bigger difference came from tying rewards to those things. By that point I was desperate for a way to make mornings peaceful for all of us.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that work is so stressful because these issues. That stinks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 574476, member: 1233"] (((((hugs))))) It stinks to have to work with people who think you are in ANY way abusing your child. You are right to document absolutely everything. This isn't just to protect your family, it is to protect your life in every single aspect. Very very few people ever really 'get it' about our kids and the way the family lives when a difficult child is in the mix. in my opinion it would NOT be a bad idea to put cameras in your home so that you can prove that difficult child isn't abused. It is also very important to get yourself some kind of help for anger. NOT because i think in any way you are abusive, but because if this ever goes to CPS/court, you have PROOF that you are doing everything possible to make sure that anger is not yanking you over the line. Having this PROOF that you are working to be a better parent and to make sure that anger and stress are not tearing you and your family apart can go a very long way to making false allegations go away. Some people have no common sense, and many times if you combine that with a difficult child you end up with what can LOOK like abuse. I once had a teacher in her fifties INSIST that my 7yo son was made to stand outside in his underwear all night long in Feb in Ohio. With nothing but his underwear, and not the long john kind either. Luckily basic logic showed this was truly idiotic and impossible. One thing that MANY if not most people do not understand is tactile defensiveness. My boys both do NOT like to be touched if they don't expect it. They have sensory integration disorder and often a touch that is gently is interpreted as a slap or punch would be. It is actually fairly common in kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or other special needs. Many people think that it is PROOF that someone in the child's life is abusing them. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Reality is that it s not at all uncommon even in kids who have not ever been hit, spanked, etc... Their brains don't register the sensory input the way a neurotypical brain would.With a lot of sensory work it can be helped, brought to a point where the person can be around people most of the time with-o flinching away if touched or if someone makes a sudden move. I urge you to at least go to the area Domestic Violence center and ask them for help so that your anger doesn't bring you to the point where you do act out. NOT because I think you have, or even that I think you need to get that help. If nothing else, it is a way to protect yourself and prove that you are being PROACTIVE to make sure you don't ever cross that line. You shouldn't NEED to do this, but with working where your child goes to school there may be a need to show that you are doing all you can. There are some teachers who see problems if they don't like a parent or a student is hard to teach so there must be a problem at home, Going to the DV center shows you are taking this very seriously AND help is free there, and often they provide babystting for free also. It would also be an excellent thing to have your son evaluated by a private occupational therapist (Occupational Therapist (OT)) for sensory issues and esp tactile defensiveness. I say private because school Occupational Therapist (OT)'s generally only look for how this impacts problems at home. I realize that MANY go beyond this, but there are still those who only look for how sensory issues impact academics. Many of us here feel private evaluations are more accurate and in depth and complete, regardless of what kind of evaluation it is. Many insurance co's will pay part or all of Occupational Therapist (OT), depending on the diagnosis the child has. Sadly the reality today is that often we must go out of our way to prove that we are getting the skills needed to be sure our kids are not abused with things like classes on DV, etc... It is very true that a bit of proactive choices can keep us from major complications caused by people who just don't have a clue. It is sad that Monday is such a tough day for your family. Is there ANY way to try to make it a good morrning? Maybe if he is cooperative and gets ready with-o problems then you could give hm a breakfast he really likes, or some treat after school? I am just throwing out ideas here. For a while we would let my oldest have a happy meal after school if he didn't have a meltdown before school on one day that was consistently hard for him. Or I would make a big batch of his favorite muffins and freeze some so that if he had a good morning then we would thaw the muffn for part of his breakfast. While food isn't always the best choice of rewards, it was one of very few things that worked to motivate him, so we went with it. We also had a checklist for all the steps of each chore (did you know that you can break down 'brush your teeth' into a lot of steps? It boggled my mind when I sat down to write out the steps because it seems lke such a simple thing to do, lol.) Having chores broken down that way, esp ones done before school (I am considering basic hygeine and getting dressed to be chores for the sake of this paragraph.) and the night before school to be ready for school, made a BIG difference. An even bigger difference came from tying rewards to those things. By that point I was desperate for a way to make mornings peaceful for all of us. I am sorry that work is so stressful because these issues. That stinks. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Aaaand We Have Our First "Allegation"...
Top