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Abandonment issues
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 743845" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I do think our relationships with our kids is complex as adoptive moms.... I think copa is right in the stand in idea. I think sometimes their feelings (ie anger) towards their birthmoms gets mixed up with their feelings towards us. I think this may to some extent be true of my son also. I know that my relationshiip with my son has. alot of tension in it.... and a good part of that is just him and me and our own dynamic..... but I think his anger at his birth mom gets mixed up in that too sometimes too.</p><p></p><p>Given that I can see real benefit in them devloping a real live relationship with their birthmom as an adult because then they would have a chance to separate out the two..... I know in our case that hasnt happened yet. It may someday and both my kids know I would support them finding and meeting their birthmoms if and when they want to. I actually think it would be really good for my son to resolve some of his iissues around adoption..... and he was adopted at birth but I know they are in there swirling around but I am not sure he is really willing to go there.... or maybe he doesnt recognize them as issues. I am not sure. He is kind of closed off at least to me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 743845, member: 15801"] I do think our relationships with our kids is complex as adoptive moms.... I think copa is right in the stand in idea. I think sometimes their feelings (ie anger) towards their birthmoms gets mixed up with their feelings towards us. I think this may to some extent be true of my son also. I know that my relationshiip with my son has. alot of tension in it.... and a good part of that is just him and me and our own dynamic..... but I think his anger at his birth mom gets mixed up in that too sometimes too. Given that I can see real benefit in them devloping a real live relationship with their birthmom as an adult because then they would have a chance to separate out the two..... I know in our case that hasnt happened yet. It may someday and both my kids know I would support them finding and meeting their birthmoms if and when they want to. I actually think it would be really good for my son to resolve some of his iissues around adoption..... and he was adopted at birth but I know they are in there swirling around but I am not sure he is really willing to go there.... or maybe he doesnt recognize them as issues. I am not sure. He is kind of closed off at least to me. [/QUOTE]
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