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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 707791" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>There actually is a lot of wisdom in what SWOT says. I think this boy needs intensive testing by someone who really knows what they are doing. I would go to either a top neuropsychologist or to a developmental pediatric practice. I would offer the kid whatever bribe was legal and needed to get him to comply with the testing, meaning whatever he wanted that was legal for a child of his age to have (aka not porn) because it will be 10+hours of testing to figure out what is going on. I actually think a developmental pediatrician might be your best first line on this. This is usually who they send autistic and fetal alcohol syndrome cases to in my state because there are only 1 or 2 neuropsychs in our state and one will only do testing on a handful of the cases that he sees. Most he feels he can diagnose in 1 or 2 10 minute sessions even though he is giving out diagnostic labels that take intensive tests to find and figure out. This has come out in many parenting groups that I have been to - parents loathe the guy and I agree, we saw him and he was absolutely awful but other doctors think he is just amazing, so they send people to him first. So pay attention to other parents in your area and to reviews online if you see them. </p><p></p><p>I can tell you how I found help for my son. He was violent with us and we were low income - my husband was a graduate student and I HAD to be a stay at home mom because one or the other of my sons was always having to stay home from school. My youngest was dealing with sensory integration disorder and when he got overstimulated he would shake and shut down into a sort of catatonic state that scared people, so he could only cope with attending school maybe 3 days a week. Not the same 3 days each week of course, because if some kid wore body spray or cologne to school, that set off his asthma as well as his sensory issues, and you get the point. So we couldn't pay for a placement when my oldest lost it and tried to kill his sister for the second time. The first time was 2 years before and got him 3 months in a psychiatric hospital. I was done with the 2nd time. He was going to go through me to get to her, and we were not going to put the other 2 kids through that. I was NOT going to mess up 2 kids to keep one kid in the house. It simply didn't make sense. I had to press charges to get him out of the house for the night and the cops tried to tell me I didn't have the legal right to do that. It got ugly. I spent the next day on the phone. </p><p></p><p>I got a notebook. I started with our pastor. I told him about the most recent incident and asked if he knew of any residential programs for troubled boys. He did not. I asked if he knew of anyone who might. He gave me 2 numbers. I called each of those numbers. I told each of those people who I was, who gave me their number, a brief rundown of our story (I cried to some of the people I talked to, because it was so hard to talk about) and I asked if they knew of any programs for troubled boys or anyone who might. I filled an entire one subject notebook but I ended up, after a couple of days and over a hundred calls, finding many unsuitable programs and one that sounded amazingly perfect. That had funding AND a bed. We did not end up sending my son there, but it was close. We sent him to my father, who had just retired from teaching and wanted a chance to turn my son around. We got lucky in that my dad is very similar to my son and managed to turn him around somehow, with a lot of civilizing influence from my mother. (And I got a BIG apology from my parents for them not believing what I told them about my son - and I told them very little because they didn't believe the little I told them! This apology went a LONG way to saving my relationship with my mother at the time.)</p><p></p><p>Another resource you may want to contact is a local school resource officer. This is a cop who is stationed at one of your local schools. Often they have a list of programs for troubled kids/families. I once got a list from an officer at our junior high. My son's therapist was astounded. She is very well connected in our community and hadn't heard of 1/3 of the programs. She was ecstatic when I let her have a copy of the list because those resources can be hard to find. It never hurts to ask, and MANY cops are happy to help find ways to keep kids out of trouble. Especially to help parents who are working hard to help their kids, parents who are doing all they can.</p><p></p><p>One thing that will truly help is to write a Parent Report. This is a report using an outline that moms who were here long before I was came up with. It tells ALLLLLLL about your child, good and bad. I make sure to include a photo at the beginning of each section because it keeps the reader's mind on the child - doctors see so many kids it is easy to forget who they are reading about. Photos tend to stay in memory for many people. If you follow the link in my signature, it will take you to the description and outline for the Parent Report. I honestly think the PR was the most powerful tool other than my instincts for helping my son.</p><p></p><p>Just to let you know, and give you hope, my son was an INCREDIBLY violent person at 14. He regularly found and hid knives. We knew every knife dealer in town and they would not sell to my son because they knew us, but my son tried. My son has Aspergers, ODD, ADHD, severe intractable depression, and kept trying to kill me so he could kill his little sister. No clue why he wanted to kill her. Today he cannot tell you why he fixated on that except that she came second and was supposed to be a T Rex and wasn't. Yeah. Makes no sense, but once she started crawling he was NOT happy to have her. Until then he adored her. He made 2 very serious attempts to kill his little sister that we were aware of, and many that we only learned of much much later. </p><p></p><p>Today my oldest son is 25. He is still on medication, by his own choice. He works full time. He has a wonderful relationship with his little brother AND his little sister. He works very hard to be there any time we ask him to be, and he feels truly TERRIBLE about the things he did as a teen. WE understand he was a child and have forgiven him, even my daughter has long since forgiven him, but he has work to do there. He is truly amazing with animals and has an almost scary rapport with them. I have seen him charm squirrels out of the trees. He almost got in big trouble in London's airport because a drug sniffing dog was VERY friendly with him - it was new and wanted to be loved on by him in the worst way. ALL animals respond to him that way. </p><p></p><p>There can be hope. I do think you need to be careful, but I also think you need to figure out what is going on. Both Fetal Alcohol (Effects or Syndrome) and Attachment Disorders are incredibly specialized and need specialized diagnosis and care. Sadly it is possible to have both, and that would be the absolute worst. Get the testing and then figure out what you can do to help. If you feel he is going to harm you, get away, call 911, and do what you have to in order to be safe. No matter what.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 707791, member: 1233"] There actually is a lot of wisdom in what SWOT says. I think this boy needs intensive testing by someone who really knows what they are doing. I would go to either a top neuropsychologist or to a developmental pediatric practice. I would offer the kid whatever bribe was legal and needed to get him to comply with the testing, meaning whatever he wanted that was legal for a child of his age to have (aka not porn) because it will be 10+hours of testing to figure out what is going on. I actually think a developmental pediatrician might be your best first line on this. This is usually who they send autistic and fetal alcohol syndrome cases to in my state because there are only 1 or 2 neuropsychs in our state and one will only do testing on a handful of the cases that he sees. Most he feels he can diagnose in 1 or 2 10 minute sessions even though he is giving out diagnostic labels that take intensive tests to find and figure out. This has come out in many parenting groups that I have been to - parents loathe the guy and I agree, we saw him and he was absolutely awful but other doctors think he is just amazing, so they send people to him first. So pay attention to other parents in your area and to reviews online if you see them. I can tell you how I found help for my son. He was violent with us and we were low income - my husband was a graduate student and I HAD to be a stay at home mom because one or the other of my sons was always having to stay home from school. My youngest was dealing with sensory integration disorder and when he got overstimulated he would shake and shut down into a sort of catatonic state that scared people, so he could only cope with attending school maybe 3 days a week. Not the same 3 days each week of course, because if some kid wore body spray or cologne to school, that set off his asthma as well as his sensory issues, and you get the point. So we couldn't pay for a placement when my oldest lost it and tried to kill his sister for the second time. The first time was 2 years before and got him 3 months in a psychiatric hospital. I was done with the 2nd time. He was going to go through me to get to her, and we were not going to put the other 2 kids through that. I was NOT going to mess up 2 kids to keep one kid in the house. It simply didn't make sense. I had to press charges to get him out of the house for the night and the cops tried to tell me I didn't have the legal right to do that. It got ugly. I spent the next day on the phone. I got a notebook. I started with our pastor. I told him about the most recent incident and asked if he knew of any residential programs for troubled boys. He did not. I asked if he knew of anyone who might. He gave me 2 numbers. I called each of those numbers. I told each of those people who I was, who gave me their number, a brief rundown of our story (I cried to some of the people I talked to, because it was so hard to talk about) and I asked if they knew of any programs for troubled boys or anyone who might. I filled an entire one subject notebook but I ended up, after a couple of days and over a hundred calls, finding many unsuitable programs and one that sounded amazingly perfect. That had funding AND a bed. We did not end up sending my son there, but it was close. We sent him to my father, who had just retired from teaching and wanted a chance to turn my son around. We got lucky in that my dad is very similar to my son and managed to turn him around somehow, with a lot of civilizing influence from my mother. (And I got a BIG apology from my parents for them not believing what I told them about my son - and I told them very little because they didn't believe the little I told them! This apology went a LONG way to saving my relationship with my mother at the time.) Another resource you may want to contact is a local school resource officer. This is a cop who is stationed at one of your local schools. Often they have a list of programs for troubled kids/families. I once got a list from an officer at our junior high. My son's therapist was astounded. She is very well connected in our community and hadn't heard of 1/3 of the programs. She was ecstatic when I let her have a copy of the list because those resources can be hard to find. It never hurts to ask, and MANY cops are happy to help find ways to keep kids out of trouble. Especially to help parents who are working hard to help their kids, parents who are doing all they can. One thing that will truly help is to write a Parent Report. This is a report using an outline that moms who were here long before I was came up with. It tells ALLLLLLL about your child, good and bad. I make sure to include a photo at the beginning of each section because it keeps the reader's mind on the child - doctors see so many kids it is easy to forget who they are reading about. Photos tend to stay in memory for many people. If you follow the link in my signature, it will take you to the description and outline for the Parent Report. I honestly think the PR was the most powerful tool other than my instincts for helping my son. Just to let you know, and give you hope, my son was an INCREDIBLY violent person at 14. He regularly found and hid knives. We knew every knife dealer in town and they would not sell to my son because they knew us, but my son tried. My son has Aspergers, ODD, ADHD, severe intractable depression, and kept trying to kill me so he could kill his little sister. No clue why he wanted to kill her. Today he cannot tell you why he fixated on that except that she came second and was supposed to be a T Rex and wasn't. Yeah. Makes no sense, but once she started crawling he was NOT happy to have her. Until then he adored her. He made 2 very serious attempts to kill his little sister that we were aware of, and many that we only learned of much much later. Today my oldest son is 25. He is still on medication, by his own choice. He works full time. He has a wonderful relationship with his little brother AND his little sister. He works very hard to be there any time we ask him to be, and he feels truly TERRIBLE about the things he did as a teen. WE understand he was a child and have forgiven him, even my daughter has long since forgiven him, but he has work to do there. He is truly amazing with animals and has an almost scary rapport with them. I have seen him charm squirrels out of the trees. He almost got in big trouble in London's airport because a drug sniffing dog was VERY friendly with him - it was new and wanted to be loved on by him in the worst way. ALL animals respond to him that way. There can be hope. I do think you need to be careful, but I also think you need to figure out what is going on. Both Fetal Alcohol (Effects or Syndrome) and Attachment Disorders are incredibly specialized and need specialized diagnosis and care. Sadly it is possible to have both, and that would be the absolute worst. Get the testing and then figure out what you can do to help. If you feel he is going to harm you, get away, call 911, and do what you have to in order to be safe. No matter what. [/QUOTE]
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