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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 603629" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Joders, welcome. I havent read your other posts because I dont always come over to this forum. My kids are all adults. However I wanted to answer you even though I dont have the exact answers to your questions. </p><p></p><p>I have seen good divorces and bad ones. I really dont think this question absolutely would have to be contact with the mom or contact with the dad...depending on who has custody. </p><p></p><p>My oldest son was given to me with sole custody and his father really didnt have visitation set in our divorce because he never came to court nor asked for any. He only saw his father and that side of his family twice in his life as a child. His father would also make contact very infrequently but when he did, he always made these promises that he never kept. I didnt keep my son away but Im not sure what I would have done if his father acted the way you say the mother is acting. Though I guess I really did deal with it sense his father would call him about once every two to three years and swear he was going to be in contact more but he never followed through. </p><p></p><p>I think...and its just my opinion...I would continue with the letters and pictures. If mom does send something to the children and its appropriate, I would give it to them. The hard questions are always about why the other parent isnt there or doesnt call or write. I always told my son that I really didnt know but it wasnt his fault. His father was the one missing out because he was such a great kid. That seemed to be okay with him until he was an adult. His father really messed up when my son was in his early 20's and asked my son to come stay with him. He promised the moon and when my son got there it was awful. We had to bring him home again and he has very little to say about him now. He knows who and what he is. </p><p></p><p>I guess my answer would be that if mom hasnt really shown that much interest in this long, I would leave it as it is for now. I cant remember the kids ages but when they get older they may want to attempt contact and then you may want to reconsider. As long as you make sure to give them anything she sends them they cant think you kept her away. And they will figure her out for themselves one day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 603629, member: 1514"] Joders, welcome. I havent read your other posts because I dont always come over to this forum. My kids are all adults. However I wanted to answer you even though I dont have the exact answers to your questions. I have seen good divorces and bad ones. I really dont think this question absolutely would have to be contact with the mom or contact with the dad...depending on who has custody. My oldest son was given to me with sole custody and his father really didnt have visitation set in our divorce because he never came to court nor asked for any. He only saw his father and that side of his family twice in his life as a child. His father would also make contact very infrequently but when he did, he always made these promises that he never kept. I didnt keep my son away but Im not sure what I would have done if his father acted the way you say the mother is acting. Though I guess I really did deal with it sense his father would call him about once every two to three years and swear he was going to be in contact more but he never followed through. I think...and its just my opinion...I would continue with the letters and pictures. If mom does send something to the children and its appropriate, I would give it to them. The hard questions are always about why the other parent isnt there or doesnt call or write. I always told my son that I really didnt know but it wasnt his fault. His father was the one missing out because he was such a great kid. That seemed to be okay with him until he was an adult. His father really messed up when my son was in his early 20's and asked my son to come stay with him. He promised the moon and when my son got there it was awful. We had to bring him home again and he has very little to say about him now. He knows who and what he is. I guess my answer would be that if mom hasnt really shown that much interest in this long, I would leave it as it is for now. I cant remember the kids ages but when they get older they may want to attempt contact and then you may want to reconsider. As long as you make sure to give them anything she sends them they cant think you kept her away. And they will figure her out for themselves one day. [/QUOTE]
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