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absolute nitemare
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 383867" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkgreen">Awww Jen, big mommy hugs to your hurting and angry heart. I agree that the main focus is on getting difficult child to a healthy weight and stable. At the same time, it is extremely important that you don't do that thing where as a parent we feel sorry for them or take on guilt about the way in which things went down...or worse, how somehow the condition they end up in is our fault. It isn't. Despite difficult child's choking phobia, she knew and KNOWS the consequences of not eating. I would harness that truth and use it to your advantage once she is more stablilized. Not as an "I told you so", but find a way to get through to her - "difficult child, you don't want to end up there again, do you?" "Let's brainstorm ways in which we can help you get past this so you don't end up in the hospital heavily sedated again" "We really need YOU to work with your doctors or you may become critical again and need to be hospitalized".</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkgreen">I'm not saying that your daughter is making up her phobia/eating disorder, but she sounds eerily like my daughter - addicted to the drama and the negative attention it gives her. After my difficult child did some pretty lame 'suicide-like' things to herself, it became apparent to both my H and I that she wasn't really psychotic, she didn't really want to commit suicide - she had merely found another way to snag us and bring us into her warped way of getting attention. It worked - for a while. After the third lame attempt that ended with her in the hospital and me losing time from work yet again, lost hours of sleep, etc., she came home again and started in with her bad self pitying attitude, blaming everything on everyone else and complaining of anxiety (which we acknowledge was an issue, however, not to the extent that she claimed). We watched her, but we didn't hover. She was allowed limited activities. When she bucked against one of the rules of our home, in a fit, she screamed at us, "Oh great - you don't care about me. Maybe I should try to kill myself again" and instead of feeling desperation at the thought, I instead took it for what it was: She was threatening us. If she didn't like something we said or did or imposed upon her, she reacted with the threat of killing herself or hurting herself to manipulate us into giving in. Well, without any discussion, both H and I said, almost simultaneously, "Honey, we love you and we can't stop you from doing what you feel you need to do. It would be unfortunate for you to harm yourself, but you know what? You cannot control us by your actions. You know the difference between right and wrong and you're old enough to behave the way you should" and then we let go. She didn't harm herself. She sulked, stormed out and got over herself. She never EVER once attempted to hurt herself again or commit suicide. We called her bluff at a very crucial point in her so-called recovery. She was yanking our chains and it was working until we stopped yanking back. Last year, I posted about her weight - she was losing weight at an alarming rate and even our Dr was concerned and made difficult child go in for weekly weigh-ins. I finally intervened and asked the Dr to stop that because it was just feeding into difficult child's addictive behaviors. Once the Dr stopped making a big deal about it, as well as us, suddenly difficult child began to gain back some of her normal weight and began eating again. No more dizzy spells and fainting or headaches. Hmmm, interesting. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkgreen">Again, I'm not saying that your daughter is pulling the same business, but if she has historically used negative behaviors to gather attention, then I think there is a strong possibility that she will use this to control you further. It is very important that she owns this behavior and the consequences. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkgreen">Are you seeing a therapist to help support you and guide you through any of this or are you just relying on support from family, friends and difficult child's pediatrician? Jen, hugs. This is very horrible and scary I know. Let the hospital stuff go for now - but document everything so if you need to pursue anything legal with them, all your ducks are already in a row. Best of luck and sending positive healing thoughts for difficult child.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 383867, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkgreen]Awww Jen, big mommy hugs to your hurting and angry heart. I agree that the main focus is on getting difficult child to a healthy weight and stable. At the same time, it is extremely important that you don't do that thing where as a parent we feel sorry for them or take on guilt about the way in which things went down...or worse, how somehow the condition they end up in is our fault. It isn't. Despite difficult child's choking phobia, she knew and KNOWS the consequences of not eating. I would harness that truth and use it to your advantage once she is more stablilized. Not as an "I told you so", but find a way to get through to her - "difficult child, you don't want to end up there again, do you?" "Let's brainstorm ways in which we can help you get past this so you don't end up in the hospital heavily sedated again" "We really need YOU to work with your doctors or you may become critical again and need to be hospitalized".[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkgreen][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkgreen]I'm not saying that your daughter is making up her phobia/eating disorder, but she sounds eerily like my daughter - addicted to the drama and the negative attention it gives her. After my difficult child did some pretty lame 'suicide-like' things to herself, it became apparent to both my H and I that she wasn't really psychotic, she didn't really want to commit suicide - she had merely found another way to snag us and bring us into her warped way of getting attention. It worked - for a while. After the third lame attempt that ended with her in the hospital and me losing time from work yet again, lost hours of sleep, etc., she came home again and started in with her bad self pitying attitude, blaming everything on everyone else and complaining of anxiety (which we acknowledge was an issue, however, not to the extent that she claimed). We watched her, but we didn't hover. She was allowed limited activities. When she bucked against one of the rules of our home, in a fit, she screamed at us, "Oh great - you don't care about me. Maybe I should try to kill myself again" and instead of feeling desperation at the thought, I instead took it for what it was: She was threatening us. If she didn't like something we said or did or imposed upon her, she reacted with the threat of killing herself or hurting herself to manipulate us into giving in. Well, without any discussion, both H and I said, almost simultaneously, "Honey, we love you and we can't stop you from doing what you feel you need to do. It would be unfortunate for you to harm yourself, but you know what? You cannot control us by your actions. You know the difference between right and wrong and you're old enough to behave the way you should" and then we let go. She didn't harm herself. She sulked, stormed out and got over herself. She never EVER once attempted to hurt herself again or commit suicide. We called her bluff at a very crucial point in her so-called recovery. She was yanking our chains and it was working until we stopped yanking back. Last year, I posted about her weight - she was losing weight at an alarming rate and even our Dr was concerned and made difficult child go in for weekly weigh-ins. I finally intervened and asked the Dr to stop that because it was just feeding into difficult child's addictive behaviors. Once the Dr stopped making a big deal about it, as well as us, suddenly difficult child began to gain back some of her normal weight and began eating again. No more dizzy spells and fainting or headaches. Hmmm, interesting. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkgreen][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkgreen]Again, I'm not saying that your daughter is pulling the same business, but if she has historically used negative behaviors to gather attention, then I think there is a strong possibility that she will use this to control you further. It is very important that she owns this behavior and the consequences. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkgreen][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkgreen]Are you seeing a therapist to help support you and guide you through any of this or are you just relying on support from family, friends and difficult child's pediatrician? Jen, hugs. This is very horrible and scary I know. Let the hospital stuff go for now - but document everything so if you need to pursue anything legal with them, all your ducks are already in a row. Best of luck and sending positive healing thoughts for difficult child.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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