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Abused children who love thier parents dearlyuntil the end
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633366" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Janet, I understand. But, even if you had a bad relationship with your mom, and it sounds like you did, you did have a relationship and she loved your child. My mom and I had no relationship per her wishes and she didn't even know any of my children and left nothing to them either and never mentioned them as relatives. I had deliberately moved out of state to be away from all my DNA connections so I don't know if w hat happened to you could have happened to me. Plus my mother did have money and she paid for her nursing home care. Medicaid wasn't involved. Social Services were not involved. </p><p></p><p>There is another part to this story too. You may understand better why I stayed away when you hear this. Eight years before my mom got brain cancer, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor (benigh supposedly). She told everyone, including my father, not to tell me about it. She did not want me to know. Even my father, who was divorced from her, kept it from me. I have no idea why she didn't want me to know. Nobody else knows either. I can only guess she didn't want me to visit her. Not even then. I found out years later, but before she got brain cancer, which the doctors said had nothing to do with the tumor and which I don't believe. You can never really take out an entire tumor and it can turn to cancer. Whatever the case, after THAT experience, hello, if she didn't want me there when she had her wits about her, I wasn't about to be there no matter how sick she got. I did not feel it was my place or responsibility and I was not going to put my family on hold to care for her, even if my sister had refused. I know my sister had a hard time doing it alone (my brother lives in NJ), but again my sister had helped the rift along and I figured since she had a warm relationship with our mom, and our mom was good to her and her kids, it was HER responsibility. </p><p></p><p>So there you have it.</p><p></p><p>Some may think I'm coldhearted, but I'd counter with that not making any sense. We were not in any way close although I tried and she was cruel to me all my life and cruel to my kids. But for DNA, we were strangers. I am always fascinated (morbidly so) when somebody is beaten, raped, and even tortured by a family member yet they maintain contact once they are adults. Janet, it sounds like your mother was cruel, but somehow you overcame that to be a better person than her in the end. I could not be as big as you were. And I truly didn't think I should be. And, of course, she had my sister. </p><p></p><p>I find people interesting. I appreciate it when people share their reasons for what they do and I thank you and understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633366, member: 1550"] Janet, I understand. But, even if you had a bad relationship with your mom, and it sounds like you did, you did have a relationship and she loved your child. My mom and I had no relationship per her wishes and she didn't even know any of my children and left nothing to them either and never mentioned them as relatives. I had deliberately moved out of state to be away from all my DNA connections so I don't know if w hat happened to you could have happened to me. Plus my mother did have money and she paid for her nursing home care. Medicaid wasn't involved. Social Services were not involved. There is another part to this story too. You may understand better why I stayed away when you hear this. Eight years before my mom got brain cancer, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor (benigh supposedly). She told everyone, including my father, not to tell me about it. She did not want me to know. Even my father, who was divorced from her, kept it from me. I have no idea why she didn't want me to know. Nobody else knows either. I can only guess she didn't want me to visit her. Not even then. I found out years later, but before she got brain cancer, which the doctors said had nothing to do with the tumor and which I don't believe. You can never really take out an entire tumor and it can turn to cancer. Whatever the case, after THAT experience, hello, if she didn't want me there when she had her wits about her, I wasn't about to be there no matter how sick she got. I did not feel it was my place or responsibility and I was not going to put my family on hold to care for her, even if my sister had refused. I know my sister had a hard time doing it alone (my brother lives in NJ), but again my sister had helped the rift along and I figured since she had a warm relationship with our mom, and our mom was good to her and her kids, it was HER responsibility. So there you have it. Some may think I'm coldhearted, but I'd counter with that not making any sense. We were not in any way close although I tried and she was cruel to me all my life and cruel to my kids. But for DNA, we were strangers. I am always fascinated (morbidly so) when somebody is beaten, raped, and even tortured by a family member yet they maintain contact once they are adults. Janet, it sounds like your mother was cruel, but somehow you overcame that to be a better person than her in the end. I could not be as big as you were. And I truly didn't think I should be. And, of course, she had my sister. I find people interesting. I appreciate it when people share their reasons for what they do and I thank you and understand. [/QUOTE]
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