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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 719402" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so glad your daughter is making such positive steps forward. I hope she does make that trip to Costa Rica and that you enjoy your trip also. </p><p></p><p>I often suggest grief counseling to people after a loss, especially a traumatic one. I get funny looks sometimes. People don't like to talk about death in our culture unless it is some crime drama on tv. They don't realize how crippling it can be to not fully deal with a death in your life. I went for grief counseling in college after a friend committed suicide. It rocked my world in a horrible way and I really had no coping skills. I was lucky that my college had programs to help and I knew how to find them. Several people in my group were just then dealing with deaths that had happened years or decades before. What most people don't realize is that most funeral homes offer some sort of grief counseling or will know where it can be found. It can be a major help, but people think that talking about it is strange or wrong in some way.</p><p></p><p>I think that by standing back and sending the message that you thought she was strong enough to figure this all out, you empowered her. It was a big enough crisis that the community rallied around her and she got just enough support to move her along, but not enough to keep her stuck. It seems like it would be sort of like the psychological and emotional equivalent to the shock they give you to restart your heart in a cardiac emergency in the ER. It jolted her out of her pattern and got her moving in a new way, thinking and feeling in a new way. This let her realize that she could cope and move on, and that there was support out there, that she could make support. </p><p></p><p>As awful as the fire was, and I would NEVER wish that on anyone, maybe it wasn't all bad. The firefighters here look at the wildfires that burn up acres of brush and trees as not all bad. They do clear things out for new growth, and that does have some positive aspects. It seems your daughter's fire was the same. Good for her and you! I hope you find a new relationship with her that is strong and positive in the coming months and years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 719402, member: 1233"] I am so glad your daughter is making such positive steps forward. I hope she does make that trip to Costa Rica and that you enjoy your trip also. I often suggest grief counseling to people after a loss, especially a traumatic one. I get funny looks sometimes. People don't like to talk about death in our culture unless it is some crime drama on tv. They don't realize how crippling it can be to not fully deal with a death in your life. I went for grief counseling in college after a friend committed suicide. It rocked my world in a horrible way and I really had no coping skills. I was lucky that my college had programs to help and I knew how to find them. Several people in my group were just then dealing with deaths that had happened years or decades before. What most people don't realize is that most funeral homes offer some sort of grief counseling or will know where it can be found. It can be a major help, but people think that talking about it is strange or wrong in some way. I think that by standing back and sending the message that you thought she was strong enough to figure this all out, you empowered her. It was a big enough crisis that the community rallied around her and she got just enough support to move her along, but not enough to keep her stuck. It seems like it would be sort of like the psychological and emotional equivalent to the shock they give you to restart your heart in a cardiac emergency in the ER. It jolted her out of her pattern and got her moving in a new way, thinking and feeling in a new way. This let her realize that she could cope and move on, and that there was support out there, that she could make support. As awful as the fire was, and I would NEVER wish that on anyone, maybe it wasn't all bad. The firefighters here look at the wildfires that burn up acres of brush and trees as not all bad. They do clear things out for new growth, and that does have some positive aspects. It seems your daughter's fire was the same. Good for her and you! I hope you find a new relationship with her that is strong and positive in the coming months and years. [/QUOTE]
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