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General Parenting
Adopted Son's (8) behaviour is concerning. Where to next?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 639892" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>One thing I have noticed to be useful when dealing with stealing and lying with young kids who have autism spectrum type of issues (my son had mild traits and we are currently having a 6-year-old respite kid with Asperger in our home for a weekend or two a month) is try to look at it from different angle. I have noticed that for them it isn't often so much about telling something they know is untrue or taking stuff that is not theirs, but about them hoping something to be true so much, that they actually convince themselves it is true and then telling that "truth" or taking stuff, that in their minds is actually theirs. They tend to work from "how things should be" instead of from "how other people think things are."</p><p></p><p>With my son we have always called this phenomenon "an error in the world" and I have found it useful to talk and agree on how there may indeed be an error in the world, but how we have to deal with world full of errors instead of trying to pretend those errors don't exist. I never had much success trying to make my son (or this respite kid of ours) believe that while he considered something an error, many others would disagree. But validating that it is indeed an error that things are not like they would hope them to be, has opened a way to discuss how you still have to live with that error. My son is now an adult and high functioning in many ways and is fully capable of making a difference between how things are and how he wished they were, but it wasn't always so, when he was for example eight. Same is true with our respite kid.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 639892, member: 14557"] One thing I have noticed to be useful when dealing with stealing and lying with young kids who have autism spectrum type of issues (my son had mild traits and we are currently having a 6-year-old respite kid with Asperger in our home for a weekend or two a month) is try to look at it from different angle. I have noticed that for them it isn't often so much about telling something they know is untrue or taking stuff that is not theirs, but about them hoping something to be true so much, that they actually convince themselves it is true and then telling that "truth" or taking stuff, that in their minds is actually theirs. They tend to work from "how things should be" instead of from "how other people think things are." With my son we have always called this phenomenon "an error in the world" and I have found it useful to talk and agree on how there may indeed be an error in the world, but how we have to deal with world full of errors instead of trying to pretend those errors don't exist. I never had much success trying to make my son (or this respite kid of ours) believe that while he considered something an error, many others would disagree. But validating that it is indeed an error that things are not like they would hope them to be, has opened a way to discuss how you still have to live with that error. My son is now an adult and high functioning in many ways and is fully capable of making a difference between how things are and how he wished they were, but it wasn't always so, when he was for example eight. Same is true with our respite kid. [/QUOTE]
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Adopted Son's (8) behaviour is concerning. Where to next?
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