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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 243658" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Nancy, my dear, you would be right about my not agreeing with you a while back.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>Well, I am agreeing with you more and more. Absolutely, the way adoption is now it seems like the birthmother isn't "ready" so she has us raise and love a child that she wants to claim later on and it is encouraged in the media (reunions and stuff/bad press for mean adoptive moms) so many kids do it. I have no problem with reunions--only when birthmothers think that the babies they gave birth to are theirs by virtue of having just given birth to them and that all we have done for the children, including love them over our own lives, doesn't matter because of their biological connection. I have the same issues for adoptees who walk out on their families for this reason. I'm glad that they still are in the vast minority, but it does happen. In this atmosphere, I would never adopt a child, especially not domestically. Even international adoption didn't stop my son's search though. And nobody he knows thinks he's doing the wrong thing by dumping us. They agree that we aren't his "real" family. Guess his "real" mother who dumped him in an orphanage in Hong Kong because it would be hard for her culturally to raise him is his "real" mother. He would have been better off living in an orphanage in Hong Kong for 18 years then living with evil adoptive parents and, worse, non-Chinese folks. </p><p>To be fair, my Korean daughter and my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son are never ever going to leave us emotionally and I really don't believe that THIS daughter will either. But if you look on the internet regarding adoption, it's all "birthmothers are victims" and "adoptees rights" and nobody seems to care how the adoptive mother feels. We're supposed to not care if we're dumped. We should "understand." We are selfish if we dare have a frightened moment fearing that our beloved child may buy into the hype and decide we aren't his family at all and that the years we loved him or her don't matter. We aren't allowed our feelings. Only birthmothers and adoptees are. </p><p>I'm feeling better now, but of late I really wonder how adoptive parents are perceived today. Many do think of us as glorified babysitters and feel so sorry for kids who are adopted, even if their own birthfamilies are rife with alcoholism, divorce, abuse, etc. I'm really tired of the attitude. At this rate, I'll bet a lot of people will decide NOT to adopt domestically and even internationally. And then what will happen to the kids who need homes?</p><p>I certainly would never adopt again in today's atmosphere. It is very anti-adoptive parent.</p><p>Thanks to all who answered. A special thanks to my ex-sparring partner Nancy who proved to be way more right than me in almost every way <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 243658, member: 1550"] Nancy, my dear, you would be right about my not agreeing with you a while back.:) Well, I am agreeing with you more and more. Absolutely, the way adoption is now it seems like the birthmother isn't "ready" so she has us raise and love a child that she wants to claim later on and it is encouraged in the media (reunions and stuff/bad press for mean adoptive moms) so many kids do it. I have no problem with reunions--only when birthmothers think that the babies they gave birth to are theirs by virtue of having just given birth to them and that all we have done for the children, including love them over our own lives, doesn't matter because of their biological connection. I have the same issues for adoptees who walk out on their families for this reason. I'm glad that they still are in the vast minority, but it does happen. In this atmosphere, I would never adopt a child, especially not domestically. Even international adoption didn't stop my son's search though. And nobody he knows thinks he's doing the wrong thing by dumping us. They agree that we aren't his "real" family. Guess his "real" mother who dumped him in an orphanage in Hong Kong because it would be hard for her culturally to raise him is his "real" mother. He would have been better off living in an orphanage in Hong Kong for 18 years then living with evil adoptive parents and, worse, non-Chinese folks. To be fair, my Korean daughter and my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son are never ever going to leave us emotionally and I really don't believe that THIS daughter will either. But if you look on the internet regarding adoption, it's all "birthmothers are victims" and "adoptees rights" and nobody seems to care how the adoptive mother feels. We're supposed to not care if we're dumped. We should "understand." We are selfish if we dare have a frightened moment fearing that our beloved child may buy into the hype and decide we aren't his family at all and that the years we loved him or her don't matter. We aren't allowed our feelings. Only birthmothers and adoptees are. I'm feeling better now, but of late I really wonder how adoptive parents are perceived today. Many do think of us as glorified babysitters and feel so sorry for kids who are adopted, even if their own birthfamilies are rife with alcoholism, divorce, abuse, etc. I'm really tired of the attitude. At this rate, I'll bet a lot of people will decide NOT to adopt domestically and even internationally. And then what will happen to the kids who need homes? I certainly would never adopt again in today's atmosphere. It is very anti-adoptive parent. Thanks to all who answered. A special thanks to my ex-sparring partner Nancy who proved to be way more right than me in almost every way ;) [/QUOTE]
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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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