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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 243711" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>MWM I am so sorry for your anixiety and hurt.</p><p></p><p>I have always been very happy that the state from which I adopted my sons only had a "closed" adoption policy. I am an adoptive mother of two and have two birth children also. My love for my children is not defined by whether or not they were born of me or for me. They are mine, will always be mine in my heart, and no birthmother can take that away. That said, I too suffered when my child fantisized over the birth parents, especially when I knew what these people were really like. I never told the boys about their parents faults until they were teenagers and only what I felt would help them. I shared in another post how my easy child 2 wanted to meet them when he was in middle school and I told him that I couldn't arrange it until he was 18 and when he was 18 he no longer wanted to reunite with them (whew). My difficult child 2 fantisized until a couple years ago but has never asked for contact info and I have never offered it to him. He knows that he has at least three younger siblings all taken from his parents at birth but has no desire to seek them out. I am very glad for this. I think with his mental health issues a reunion of any kind would be disasterous and so does his psychiatrist.</p><p></p><p>As far as my general opinion on this issue: I have never believed in or supported "open" adoptions. I think that they are confusing for the child and difficult for the adoptive parent. The possible presence of disagreeing birth parents (even on minor issues) can make raising adoptees much more difficult. You cannot control what the birth parent might say to a child nor how it might affect that child. If the birth parent has any risidual guilt issues it could be apparent to the child. This could leave open paths (in either direction) of manipulation that would not be there in a closed adoption. Heck, just think how children of divorce and divorced parents sometimes play one party off the other. Add in another set of parents and golly it is a recipe for disruption if you ask me. </p><p></p><p>I do not mean to offend any one. I have always been outspoken on this topic when asked. Although I feel strongly against open adoptions, I have been respectful of other adoptive parents views so please do not be harsh with me for mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 243711, member: 2315"] MWM I am so sorry for your anixiety and hurt. I have always been very happy that the state from which I adopted my sons only had a "closed" adoption policy. I am an adoptive mother of two and have two birth children also. My love for my children is not defined by whether or not they were born of me or for me. They are mine, will always be mine in my heart, and no birthmother can take that away. That said, I too suffered when my child fantisized over the birth parents, especially when I knew what these people were really like. I never told the boys about their parents faults until they were teenagers and only what I felt would help them. I shared in another post how my easy child 2 wanted to meet them when he was in middle school and I told him that I couldn't arrange it until he was 18 and when he was 18 he no longer wanted to reunite with them (whew). My difficult child 2 fantisized until a couple years ago but has never asked for contact info and I have never offered it to him. He knows that he has at least three younger siblings all taken from his parents at birth but has no desire to seek them out. I am very glad for this. I think with his mental health issues a reunion of any kind would be disasterous and so does his psychiatrist. As far as my general opinion on this issue: I have never believed in or supported "open" adoptions. I think that they are confusing for the child and difficult for the adoptive parent. The possible presence of disagreeing birth parents (even on minor issues) can make raising adoptees much more difficult. You cannot control what the birth parent might say to a child nor how it might affect that child. If the birth parent has any risidual guilt issues it could be apparent to the child. This could leave open paths (in either direction) of manipulation that would not be there in a closed adoption. Heck, just think how children of divorce and divorced parents sometimes play one party off the other. Add in another set of parents and golly it is a recipe for disruption if you ask me. I do not mean to offend any one. I have always been outspoken on this topic when asked. Although I feel strongly against open adoptions, I have been respectful of other adoptive parents views so please do not be harsh with me for mine. [/QUOTE]
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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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