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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 243713" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>MWM, I quit reading those adoptive online posts yrs ago for that very reason. Too much misplaced and displaced anger, and the angriest people were the loudest ... but not in the majority. It just brought me down. Why not put the time to better use and spend it with-your child?</p><p> </p><p>I don't think she will leave you. She is searching her emotions and maturing. You have been burned. Frankly, your son's story is a bit unusual ... I know several people who have adopted Korean and Chinese kids and not a single one has ever "left." They've taken trips but always as a family, meeting another family. It's pretty amazing that your son's bmom came out of the closet to be with-him. There is typically so much shame involved that they stay hidden forever. </p><p>Human beings are nothing if not unpredictable.</p><p> </p><p>We have an open adoption. Yes, in a sense, you adopt the whole family, but only as much as you want to. It is a moral obligation, not a legal one. We only talk on the ph 2 or 3X a yr, and see one another at Christmas. When difficult child was a baby, it was much more often, then it tapered off.</p><p> </p><p>I have occasionally said things to my difficult child when he has expressed an interest in going to live with-his bmom, "She works long hrs so your Nanna would be the one to do most of the work. What do you think R would do in the middle of the night when you have the flu? Would you cuddle with her?"</p><p>When faced with-concretes, he realizes that they are strangers and that it would be uncomfortable. But the desire never goes away. </p><p>Lots of bio kids, as was pointed out in an earlier post, have horrid relationships with-their birth families where they were born and raised. It really has little to do with-adoption.</p><p> </p><p>Having said all that, I'm sure you understand it intellectually, but emotionally, it's hard to swallow.</p><p> </p><p>It is a process. Your daughter will figure it all out in time. The hard part is definitely not letting her see you down. It's wonderful that you can come here and "talk" to us. </p><p> </p><p>by the way, FIRST MOTHER??? I'll have to run that by my difficult child that when he gets home. </p><p>It's not like a second marriage, for Pete's sake! LOL.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 243713, member: 3419"] MWM, I quit reading those adoptive online posts yrs ago for that very reason. Too much misplaced and displaced anger, and the angriest people were the loudest ... but not in the majority. It just brought me down. Why not put the time to better use and spend it with-your child? I don't think she will leave you. She is searching her emotions and maturing. You have been burned. Frankly, your son's story is a bit unusual ... I know several people who have adopted Korean and Chinese kids and not a single one has ever "left." They've taken trips but always as a family, meeting another family. It's pretty amazing that your son's bmom came out of the closet to be with-him. There is typically so much shame involved that they stay hidden forever. Human beings are nothing if not unpredictable. We have an open adoption. Yes, in a sense, you adopt the whole family, but only as much as you want to. It is a moral obligation, not a legal one. We only talk on the ph 2 or 3X a yr, and see one another at Christmas. When difficult child was a baby, it was much more often, then it tapered off. I have occasionally said things to my difficult child when he has expressed an interest in going to live with-his bmom, "She works long hrs so your Nanna would be the one to do most of the work. What do you think R would do in the middle of the night when you have the flu? Would you cuddle with her?" When faced with-concretes, he realizes that they are strangers and that it would be uncomfortable. But the desire never goes away. Lots of bio kids, as was pointed out in an earlier post, have horrid relationships with-their birth families where they were born and raised. It really has little to do with-adoption. Having said all that, I'm sure you understand it intellectually, but emotionally, it's hard to swallow. It is a process. Your daughter will figure it all out in time. The hard part is definitely not letting her see you down. It's wonderful that you can come here and "talk" to us. by the way, FIRST MOTHER??? I'll have to run that by my difficult child that when he gets home. It's not like a second marriage, for Pete's sake! LOL. [/QUOTE]
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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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