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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 243791" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You are all wonderful. I feel so much better now. It's true, biological kids can leave the nest too and as parents we have to do right by our kids and let the chips fall where they may. </p><p></p><p>Yes, FIRST MOM. Can you believe it? To me, the FIRST MOM is the mom who changed the diapers, got up at night, wiped the nose, fought with the school, held their hands, etc. THAT one nobody will EVER hear from me. </p><p></p><p>My daughter is too old for me to say what you do, Terry. It wouldn't work. I just hope that we are close enough and our bond is strong enough that we remain close. A big plus is that her dad is her hero and birthmother's hub can't fill that role. He is the son of birthmother's other child and has no investment in N. </p><p>My son's story IS unusual, but I do know other older adoptees from international adoptions who fled and were never heard from again. One woman adopted a boy from Viet Nam and went to hell and back with and for him and he travels the country, never letting her know where he is, having babies she never gets to see (and the he never sees) and calls once in a while to try to get money. He's not the only one, but I went through this with her. Older adopted kids are more likely to flee.</p><p>I don't like open adoption either. I think it is mostly for the birthmother. I don't think pictures and phonecalls and letters are bad, but I agree it's confusing to have two mothers. But if you want to adopt now, you DO an open adoption or nobody will pick you. You should check out the adoption ads from people hoping to adopt. It's all about how they are adopting not only the baby but the birthmother too. They have no idea what they are getting into. In some states open adoption agreements are legally binding. Even if it messes with a kid's head you still have to do it because you promised, kind of like visitation. </p><p>I look forward to my kids growing up...lol. I want hub to buy an RV and I want us to hit the road and travel while I write. I can then drop by and visit all my kids, wherever they are. But I won't have to live with them. I tend to be able to detach a little when they no longer live with me. </p><p>Thanks again!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 243791, member: 1550"] You are all wonderful. I feel so much better now. It's true, biological kids can leave the nest too and as parents we have to do right by our kids and let the chips fall where they may. Yes, FIRST MOM. Can you believe it? To me, the FIRST MOM is the mom who changed the diapers, got up at night, wiped the nose, fought with the school, held their hands, etc. THAT one nobody will EVER hear from me. My daughter is too old for me to say what you do, Terry. It wouldn't work. I just hope that we are close enough and our bond is strong enough that we remain close. A big plus is that her dad is her hero and birthmother's hub can't fill that role. He is the son of birthmother's other child and has no investment in N. My son's story IS unusual, but I do know other older adoptees from international adoptions who fled and were never heard from again. One woman adopted a boy from Viet Nam and went to hell and back with and for him and he travels the country, never letting her know where he is, having babies she never gets to see (and the he never sees) and calls once in a while to try to get money. He's not the only one, but I went through this with her. Older adopted kids are more likely to flee. I don't like open adoption either. I think it is mostly for the birthmother. I don't think pictures and phonecalls and letters are bad, but I agree it's confusing to have two mothers. But if you want to adopt now, you DO an open adoption or nobody will pick you. You should check out the adoption ads from people hoping to adopt. It's all about how they are adopting not only the baby but the birthmother too. They have no idea what they are getting into. In some states open adoption agreements are legally binding. Even if it messes with a kid's head you still have to do it because you promised, kind of like visitation. I look forward to my kids growing up...lol. I want hub to buy an RV and I want us to hit the road and travel while I write. I can then drop by and visit all my kids, wherever they are. But I won't have to live with them. I tend to be able to detach a little when they no longer live with me. Thanks again!! [/QUOTE]
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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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