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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 244553" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks so much for sharing everyone. How generous of all of you! </p><p>Actually, N's birthmother is bright, sweet, kind and thoughtful. N. will love her. I'm sure her household isn't dysfunctional. She married her first child's birthfather and had two other kids with him. She is not a substance abuser or in any way unfit to raise a child. She made the adoption decision because of where she was and where her birthfather was AT THE TIME. Her own mother helped her with her son in his early years, but wouldn't help her with N. because she is part black. She wanted a better life for her daughter, plus, very realistically, she needed her mother's help if she was to raise two children alone. She chose adoption to give her baby a stable two parent family who didn't have racial issues. We had already adopted asian kids and one African American boy. We got along SO GREAT that I missed her when shes closed the adoption, which was due to her new hub's insecurities about our openness. Now we are writing back and forth like we haven't missed a beat. I even told her about my fear of losing N. to her and she wrote back RIGHT AWAY to assure me that she'd never do that--that N. is my daughter and that she is just another person who loves her very much. We are actually very much alike and really really LIKE one another a lot. N. is a peaceful, loving child--she said she hoped that one day she'd see her "two mothers" hug each other. She will. </p><p>I'm 55 and birthmother is 33. When I'm no longer here, at least she will still have another mom around to be with her. N's birthmother has NONE of those, "I hate adoptive parent" issues. Instead, she is grateful. I wonder who these angry people on the internet really are and why they get their attitudes. I suspect they are a small portion of adoptees and a larger portion of birthmothers who feel that even though the birthmother didn't spend one minute mothering this child, by virtue of giving birth to that child, SHE is the REAL mother. It burns me up. I sense this entitlement attitude with N's birthfather's family. But N. has been raised with total honesty in her life and birthfahter and his family are secret holders and liars. N. values the truth. I think she'll want to meet them and then maybe see them once in a while, but I can't imagine her actually LIKING them. She has her birthmother's heart and, I hope, our values. She's not a rebellious or dysfunctional person like most of my kids...lol! I can't see her enjoying either the chaos or the lack of warmth in his family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 244553, member: 1550"] Thanks so much for sharing everyone. How generous of all of you! Actually, N's birthmother is bright, sweet, kind and thoughtful. N. will love her. I'm sure her household isn't dysfunctional. She married her first child's birthfather and had two other kids with him. She is not a substance abuser or in any way unfit to raise a child. She made the adoption decision because of where she was and where her birthfather was AT THE TIME. Her own mother helped her with her son in his early years, but wouldn't help her with N. because she is part black. She wanted a better life for her daughter, plus, very realistically, she needed her mother's help if she was to raise two children alone. She chose adoption to give her baby a stable two parent family who didn't have racial issues. We had already adopted asian kids and one African American boy. We got along SO GREAT that I missed her when shes closed the adoption, which was due to her new hub's insecurities about our openness. Now we are writing back and forth like we haven't missed a beat. I even told her about my fear of losing N. to her and she wrote back RIGHT AWAY to assure me that she'd never do that--that N. is my daughter and that she is just another person who loves her very much. We are actually very much alike and really really LIKE one another a lot. N. is a peaceful, loving child--she said she hoped that one day she'd see her "two mothers" hug each other. She will. I'm 55 and birthmother is 33. When I'm no longer here, at least she will still have another mom around to be with her. N's birthmother has NONE of those, "I hate adoptive parent" issues. Instead, she is grateful. I wonder who these angry people on the internet really are and why they get their attitudes. I suspect they are a small portion of adoptees and a larger portion of birthmothers who feel that even though the birthmother didn't spend one minute mothering this child, by virtue of giving birth to that child, SHE is the REAL mother. It burns me up. I sense this entitlement attitude with N's birthfather's family. But N. has been raised with total honesty in her life and birthfahter and his family are secret holders and liars. N. values the truth. I think she'll want to meet them and then maybe see them once in a while, but I can't imagine her actually LIKING them. She has her birthmother's heart and, I hope, our values. She's not a rebellious or dysfunctional person like most of my kids...lol! I can't see her enjoying either the chaos or the lack of warmth in his family. [/QUOTE]
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Adoption has changed so much. I'm scared.
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