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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 549522" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>Hhi all, I'm exactly in the same situation and it is taking me all I have to detach and I'm still not sure that I'm capable of it. I have posted here about my son before, yet have allowed all the horrendous behaviors to continue.</p><p></p><p>We were evicted from my home on August 2nd. I have an apartment, my easy child son has an apartment (that he is working to pay for) and yet until tonight, I paid almost $1000 that I cannot afford, to keep my difficult child son in fleabag motels. He found drugs and alcohol in these places with absolutely NO problem and without any funding from me. I told him that if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. But really, HE is one of the dogs. </p><p></p><p>On two separate occasions in this last month, he has had opportunities to be in a sober living house and in a residential rehab program in a mission. The first time he was drunk and they couldnt accept him (they told me they would have done if he hadn't shown up drunk and who can blame them) and the second time, he had managed to get in touch with an old connection and he was high.</p><p></p><p>Tonight after work, I took him from his motel to a mission that I had heard was a working program. TV, showers and everything have to be earned by working for them. They accepted him and I saw this as a gift from the universe. Once he was accepted and we had to get him out of the motel, I got an earful, but I figure that it's fear talking and that this will do him a world of good IF HE STICKS TO IT. Those are the key words.</p><p></p><p>I think I'm trying to say that my heart breaks for us all. I ADORED this kid and really did him a great disservice by enabling him, all in what I thought was the name of love. Now I see that I created this particular monster-a manchild who cannot do for himself because I required NOTHING from him and felt that all I needed to do was to love and protect him! I did such damage!</p><p></p><p>I am by no means detached, but am acting like it and trying to get used to the feeling. It does not sit well with me at all. But as my therapist says, Your helping isn't helping....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 549522, member: 13561"] Hhi all, I'm exactly in the same situation and it is taking me all I have to detach and I'm still not sure that I'm capable of it. I have posted here about my son before, yet have allowed all the horrendous behaviors to continue. We were evicted from my home on August 2nd. I have an apartment, my easy child son has an apartment (that he is working to pay for) and yet until tonight, I paid almost $1000 that I cannot afford, to keep my difficult child son in fleabag motels. He found drugs and alcohol in these places with absolutely NO problem and without any funding from me. I told him that if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. But really, HE is one of the dogs. On two separate occasions in this last month, he has had opportunities to be in a sober living house and in a residential rehab program in a mission. The first time he was drunk and they couldnt accept him (they told me they would have done if he hadn't shown up drunk and who can blame them) and the second time, he had managed to get in touch with an old connection and he was high. Tonight after work, I took him from his motel to a mission that I had heard was a working program. TV, showers and everything have to be earned by working for them. They accepted him and I saw this as a gift from the universe. Once he was accepted and we had to get him out of the motel, I got an earful, but I figure that it's fear talking and that this will do him a world of good IF HE STICKS TO IT. Those are the key words. I think I'm trying to say that my heart breaks for us all. I ADORED this kid and really did him a great disservice by enabling him, all in what I thought was the name of love. Now I see that I created this particular monster-a manchild who cannot do for himself because I required NOTHING from him and felt that all I needed to do was to love and protect him! I did such damage! I am by no means detached, but am acting like it and trying to get used to the feeling. It does not sit well with me at all. But as my therapist says, Your helping isn't helping.... [/QUOTE]
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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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