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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619136" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I'm really sorry you have to walk this path, but we do understand.</p><p></p><p>I think you'll get a bigger response if you start your own thread. What you did was add on to a very old one. You'll get more attention if yours stands alone.</p><p></p><p>In actuality, I agree with your daughter. There is absolutely nothing you CAN do. If you give him money, he will probably buy drugs with the money. You didn't mention drugs, but I'm assuming...they are usually a part of this. On the slight chance that he is clean, if you give him money you are enabling him to become dependent on you. There is only one person you can help and control and that is yourself. Nobody else is within your power to change. And you deserve a good, peaceful, fun life even if your son is choosing to self-destruct.</p><p></p><p>Although we always fear the worst, it rarely happens. These adult kids with no clue about societal norms or just a lack of regard for them tend to survive. They don't thrive on our terms, but they do help one another to survive the way they choose. We are good, caring parents, but they don't listen to us and it is useless to destroy ourselves, our health, our pressures and the relationships we have with loving other family members and friends all because we are worrying about something/somebody we can not change.</p><p></p><p>I suggest reading our material on detaching. Maybe pick up the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. Most of us started out enabling out self-destructive adult children thinking we could save them and, in the process, we had no life of our own. We gave them everything we could and it made no difference.</p><p></p><p>You have a smart daughter.</p><p></p><p>If you start a new thread, you may get more responses than if you keep it here <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Welcome to our board but so sorry you had to come to it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619136, member: 1550"] Hi there. I'm really sorry you have to walk this path, but we do understand. I think you'll get a bigger response if you start your own thread. What you did was add on to a very old one. You'll get more attention if yours stands alone. In actuality, I agree with your daughter. There is absolutely nothing you CAN do. If you give him money, he will probably buy drugs with the money. You didn't mention drugs, but I'm assuming...they are usually a part of this. On the slight chance that he is clean, if you give him money you are enabling him to become dependent on you. There is only one person you can help and control and that is yourself. Nobody else is within your power to change. And you deserve a good, peaceful, fun life even if your son is choosing to self-destruct. Although we always fear the worst, it rarely happens. These adult kids with no clue about societal norms or just a lack of regard for them tend to survive. They don't thrive on our terms, but they do help one another to survive the way they choose. We are good, caring parents, but they don't listen to us and it is useless to destroy ourselves, our health, our pressures and the relationships we have with loving other family members and friends all because we are worrying about something/somebody we can not change. I suggest reading our material on detaching. Maybe pick up the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. Most of us started out enabling out self-destructive adult children thinking we could save them and, in the process, we had no life of our own. We gave them everything we could and it made no difference. You have a smart daughter. If you start a new thread, you may get more responses than if you keep it here :) Welcome to our board but so sorry you had to come to it. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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