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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="Note4u" data-source="post: 730081" data-attributes="member: 22911"><p>I am new to this site so please let me know if I should be writing this somewhere else. We have a very similar situation. My step-son is 31 years old, and is asking to move in with us until he gets things worked out. Truth is he is being evicted by what was once a friend who he now owes several thousand dollars in back rent. When he was 18 he moved out to live with friends. During that year he got arrested for breaking into cars. We reluctantly bailed him out of jail, paid all of his court costs with the agreement he would pay us back. Never happened. A few months later he used the soft touch on his mom to move in with us because he lost his job. I told him it would be ok if he helped around the house, and make a daily effort to find a new job. Never helped, and lied about job search. So I asked him to leave. At 21 he is back asking to move in again. Things will be different this time. We fell for it figuring a little older, more mature. Wrong! We left him one simple job to do so we could go on vacation. Told him to show us he has grown up. When we returned home the one simple job was not done, and my liquor cabinet was empty. Once again he was told to get out. Now 10 years have passed. He has had 2 cars repossessed, been evicted at least 2 times, fathered a child with a girl that also threw him out. He is not working. Doesn’t have a car. Lies about drinking. Tells you he is trying by seeing a counselor. Happened only once when we took him. So now he is hitting up all the relatives for a place to stay. He tried in December, and everyone said no. Now 3 months later he is asking again this time because his friend gave him 4 days to get out. Too embarrassed, or for fear of hearing rejection he emailed everyone. Promising not to drink, he will find work, he will go to counseling. Desperate times! My wife is teetering with the guilt of abandoning her little boy, but my answer to that is he is not a little boy. It’s time to take charge of his own life, and check himself in to a rehab. What do you think we should do?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Note4u, post: 730081, member: 22911"] I am new to this site so please let me know if I should be writing this somewhere else. We have a very similar situation. My step-son is 31 years old, and is asking to move in with us until he gets things worked out. Truth is he is being evicted by what was once a friend who he now owes several thousand dollars in back rent. When he was 18 he moved out to live with friends. During that year he got arrested for breaking into cars. We reluctantly bailed him out of jail, paid all of his court costs with the agreement he would pay us back. Never happened. A few months later he used the soft touch on his mom to move in with us because he lost his job. I told him it would be ok if he helped around the house, and make a daily effort to find a new job. Never helped, and lied about job search. So I asked him to leave. At 21 he is back asking to move in again. Things will be different this time. We fell for it figuring a little older, more mature. Wrong! We left him one simple job to do so we could go on vacation. Told him to show us he has grown up. When we returned home the one simple job was not done, and my liquor cabinet was empty. Once again he was told to get out. Now 10 years have passed. He has had 2 cars repossessed, been evicted at least 2 times, fathered a child with a girl that also threw him out. He is not working. Doesn’t have a car. Lies about drinking. Tells you he is trying by seeing a counselor. Happened only once when we took him. So now he is hitting up all the relatives for a place to stay. He tried in December, and everyone said no. Now 3 months later he is asking again this time because his friend gave him 4 days to get out. Too embarrassed, or for fear of hearing rejection he emailed everyone. Promising not to drink, he will find work, he will go to counseling. Desperate times! My wife is teetering with the guilt of abandoning her little boy, but my answer to that is he is not a little boy. It’s time to take charge of his own life, and check himself in to a rehab. What do you think we should do? [/QUOTE]
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