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Parent Emeritus
Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 762865" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Hi KAB33 and welcome. You have come to the right place for support and advice. We truly get it.</p><p></p><p>I’m wondering, is your son mentally ill? Or in any way unable to care for himself other than he is apparently addicted to pot?</p><p></p><p>He is 33 and unless he decides to make changes on his own, there is not a whole lot you can do, other than to be supportive when and if he decides to change and right now it appears he doesn’t want to. You can’t make him do anything. The only person you’ll ever have control over is yourself. You’ll read that a lot on this forum but it’s the best advice I think any of us will ever receive. </p><p></p><p>So many of us have been in or are in the same boat with our addicted adult kids. We’ve wasted time and money on treatments, cars, helping with apartments, jobs—you name it. It doesn’t help. These kids will take and take, lay on the guilt and have you in knots and consumed with worry—IF you let them.</p><p></p><p>Many of us have learned ways to step off this roller coaster and start taking care of ourselves for the sake of our own mental health. It’s hard but doable. And besides, you won’t be around forever to rescue your son. What will happen after you’re gone? It’s time he learn to make it on his own and face the consequences of his bad decisions. </p><p></p><p>Are you in any type of therapy, or a support group such as Alanon? I would highly recommend finding some support to help you stop enabling him and put the focus on you, where it belongs. Lots of parents here have great things to say about alanon and probably will be along shortly to add their support.</p><p></p><p>I offer this advice in the spirit of love. There is no judgment as we’ve all been where you are. You can detach from your son’s chaos with a little work on yourself. I’ve done it; many of us have done it. We’re here to support you in your journey. Keep posting, it really helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 762865, member: 23742"] Hi KAB33 and welcome. You have come to the right place for support and advice. We truly get it. I’m wondering, is your son mentally ill? Or in any way unable to care for himself other than he is apparently addicted to pot? He is 33 and unless he decides to make changes on his own, there is not a whole lot you can do, other than to be supportive when and if he decides to change and right now it appears he doesn’t want to. You can’t make him do anything. The only person you’ll ever have control over is yourself. You’ll read that a lot on this forum but it’s the best advice I think any of us will ever receive. So many of us have been in or are in the same boat with our addicted adult kids. We’ve wasted time and money on treatments, cars, helping with apartments, jobs—you name it. It doesn’t help. These kids will take and take, lay on the guilt and have you in knots and consumed with worry—IF you let them. Many of us have learned ways to step off this roller coaster and start taking care of ourselves for the sake of our own mental health. It’s hard but doable. And besides, you won’t be around forever to rescue your son. What will happen after you’re gone? It’s time he learn to make it on his own and face the consequences of his bad decisions. Are you in any type of therapy, or a support group such as Alanon? I would highly recommend finding some support to help you stop enabling him and put the focus on you, where it belongs. Lots of parents here have great things to say about alanon and probably will be along shortly to add their support. I offer this advice in the spirit of love. There is no judgment as we’ve all been where you are. You can detach from your son’s chaos with a little work on yourself. I’ve done it; many of us have done it. We’re here to support you in your journey. Keep posting, it really helps. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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