Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Adult son in crisis
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 728265" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>in my opinion your husband had valid complaints. Your son is in a crisis HE created. No matter why your son left rehab (a horrible decision) or if his wife bothered his kids mother, it is his fault he chose this woman over his kids and married her rather than do what he was told to do by the court.. Also he could have gone to a laundromat to clean foul smelling clothes before he brought them over. That would have been considerate of him. Why did he have to stay with you? He is 28 and hardly a boy. He obviously could have gone to stay with his friend right away rather than to your place. Why were you so shocked your husband didn't want your adult addict son there? It IS a disruption. I love my four grown kids to the moon but I never want to have them live with me again....it would be very stressful and we tend to pick up the parent/kid vibe again no matter how old they are. I don't foresee this happening to me, but it would be a joint decision between my husband and myself and by no means a done deal. We are nearing retirement and deserve peace. You deserve peace too. </p><p></p><p>I personally see your husband's point of view. Is husband being nice? Not really, but I'm guessing he is fed up. I don't know why. Perhaps son has a habit of making poor decisions and running to you. I would not leave a life partner over a 28 year old adult child who is an addict making bad choices.</p><p>This is not his new wife's fault or the courts fault. He was told what to do for visitation and he didn't do it. This is on him.</p><p>On the other hand, you said your marriage was not good. I hope it is not because of your son. These addicts are good at dividing us from our spouses. If you want to leave your spouse for other readons, you certainly should. Nobody should stay with somebody unloving. But in my opinion not because of your son.</p><p>I don't know if you are enabling son or not, but I think maybe you are trying to place his poor choices on other people's shoulders, like this new wife he married and left rehab for. He was the one who married her withhoutvreally knowing her and his visitation at stake. Also as another mom who has a daughter who once abused drugs, I think it is a bad sign that your son is still drinking at all. That can't end well if he is an addict.</p><p>All of us either were or are in bad situations and we are all different. We can give our two cents but you have to do what you have to do.</p><p>The best advice I know of is to urge you to value your kindhearted good self enough to get into therapy. All of us need or needed real time help to cope with a loved ones addiction. You do not have to ruin your life to try to save your son. You can't save him. You can only save you. Your son has to save himself by getting clean and making better life choices.</p><p>I suspect your husband is afraid that your son was going to get comfy at home and stay there whether you planned it or not. And that scared him. But I don't know ow your husband. He may truly be impossible on many levels. You sound very sweet.</p><p>Take care of YOU first. You deserve it. Love and light <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 728265, member: 1550"] in my opinion your husband had valid complaints. Your son is in a crisis HE created. No matter why your son left rehab (a horrible decision) or if his wife bothered his kids mother, it is his fault he chose this woman over his kids and married her rather than do what he was told to do by the court.. Also he could have gone to a laundromat to clean foul smelling clothes before he brought them over. That would have been considerate of him. Why did he have to stay with you? He is 28 and hardly a boy. He obviously could have gone to stay with his friend right away rather than to your place. Why were you so shocked your husband didn't want your adult addict son there? It IS a disruption. I love my four grown kids to the moon but I never want to have them live with me again....it would be very stressful and we tend to pick up the parent/kid vibe again no matter how old they are. I don't foresee this happening to me, but it would be a joint decision between my husband and myself and by no means a done deal. We are nearing retirement and deserve peace. You deserve peace too. I personally see your husband's point of view. Is husband being nice? Not really, but I'm guessing he is fed up. I don't know why. Perhaps son has a habit of making poor decisions and running to you. I would not leave a life partner over a 28 year old adult child who is an addict making bad choices. This is not his new wife's fault or the courts fault. He was told what to do for visitation and he didn't do it. This is on him. On the other hand, you said your marriage was not good. I hope it is not because of your son. These addicts are good at dividing us from our spouses. If you want to leave your spouse for other readons, you certainly should. Nobody should stay with somebody unloving. But in my opinion not because of your son. I don't know if you are enabling son or not, but I think maybe you are trying to place his poor choices on other people's shoulders, like this new wife he married and left rehab for. He was the one who married her withhoutvreally knowing her and his visitation at stake. Also as another mom who has a daughter who once abused drugs, I think it is a bad sign that your son is still drinking at all. That can't end well if he is an addict. All of us either were or are in bad situations and we are all different. We can give our two cents but you have to do what you have to do. The best advice I know of is to urge you to value your kindhearted good self enough to get into therapy. All of us need or needed real time help to cope with a loved ones addiction. You do not have to ruin your life to try to save your son. You can't save him. You can only save you. Your son has to save himself by getting clean and making better life choices. I suspect your husband is afraid that your son was going to get comfy at home and stay there whether you planned it or not. And that scared him. But I don't know ow your husband. He may truly be impossible on many levels. You sound very sweet. Take care of YOU first. You deserve it. Love and light :) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Adult son in crisis
Top