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Adult son mom's guilt needs support
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 708697" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>This is very typical. I have said many times here that our adult difficult children have a secret handbook they use and saying they have no family support is straight out of chapter 5.</p><p>In their minds they really do believe that we the parents do not care about them. They cannot see all the chaos and drama they have inflicted upon us.</p><p>Please try and let the whole "no family support" thing go. You know in your heart you have been there for him.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I couldn't agree with you more. Your son is 28 and should not be living with you unless he has a full time job, pays rent regularly and contributes to the household in a positive way.</p><p>My suggestion is to box it all up and store it in your attic or basement. Turn the room into something you can enjoy; a craft room, a sewing room, a mediation room, a yoga room, an office, etc.....</p><p>Do not feel guilty in doing this. Remember, this is your home. You are the one who has paid the mortgage and utilities, not your son.</p><p></p><p></p><p>At age 28 he needs to stand on his own. If it were me I would step back and only participate if he asked and then and only then, I would be do it on a limited basis with clear strong boundaries in place.</p><p></p><p>One of the hardest things to do after giving so much of ourselves to our adult difficult children is taking time for ourselves, taking our lives back, doing good things for ourselves.</p><p>I hope you will start to do small things for yourself. Things that bring you joy. Something as simple as buying flowers for yourself.</p><p>Be very good to yourself.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 708697, member: 18516"] This is very typical. I have said many times here that our adult difficult children have a secret handbook they use and saying they have no family support is straight out of chapter 5. In their minds they really do believe that we the parents do not care about them. They cannot see all the chaos and drama they have inflicted upon us. Please try and let the whole "no family support" thing go. You know in your heart you have been there for him. I couldn't agree with you more. Your son is 28 and should not be living with you unless he has a full time job, pays rent regularly and contributes to the household in a positive way. My suggestion is to box it all up and store it in your attic or basement. Turn the room into something you can enjoy; a craft room, a sewing room, a mediation room, a yoga room, an office, etc..... Do not feel guilty in doing this. Remember, this is your home. You are the one who has paid the mortgage and utilities, not your son. At age 28 he needs to stand on his own. If it were me I would step back and only participate if he asked and then and only then, I would be do it on a limited basis with clear strong boundaries in place. One of the hardest things to do after giving so much of ourselves to our adult difficult children is taking time for ourselves, taking our lives back, doing good things for ourselves. I hope you will start to do small things for yourself. Things that bring you joy. Something as simple as buying flowers for yourself. Be very good to yourself. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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Adult son mom's guilt needs support
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